[~*OnlyNDreams*~]

Smithers: [dressed in a bear suit] Here's something that should cheer
you up, sir. It's me, sir: Bobo! Hug me! Squeeze me!
[suggestively] Tug at my fur...
Burns: [pushing him aside] Enough! Stop this grotesque charade. Now
find my teddy! And oh, er, leave the costume.


Kent: The Burns bear, perhaps the most valuable widdle bear in the
world, could be anywhere. It could be in your house...
You could be looking at it right now. It could be right in front
of your face as I'm saying this, waggling back and forth, perhaps
being held up by a loved one.
Homer: Maggie, I'm trying to watch TV. Put that moldy old bear down!
Moldy? Old? I'm gonna get something to eat!

Barney: [holding a gun] Homer, give him what he wants!
(Homer slams the door absently in Barney's face, the gun goes off, a woman screams, Barney says Uh Oh and then sirens)

[~*OnlyNDreams*~]

Hibbert: I'm sorry, that leg's going to have to come off.
[Homer and Bart gasp]
Hibbert: [chuckles] Did I say "leg"? I meant that wet bathing suit.
I'm afraid you'll need a cast on that broken bone.
Bart: Aw, I'm going to miss the whole summer.
Homer: Don't worry, boy. When you get a job like me, you'll miss every summer.

Homer: Ah, there's nothing like rising with the sun for a quiet, peaceful dip in your very own pool.
[cheers, dives in]
[comes up covered in algae, yells and sputters]
[Lisa walks out] Lisa, the Blob has got me! Don't touch me or he'll get you too.
Lisa: Dad, you have to put chlorine in the water every day to keep it clean.
Homer: Chlorine, eh?
[later, all the kids scream and rub their bloodshot eyes]
Ralph: [coming up] Ow, my face is on fire!

[Flanders fills in a grave]
Bart: Oh, this can't be what it looks like! There's gotta be some other explanation!
Ned: I wish there was some other explanation for this, but there isn't.
I'm a murderer. I'm a murderer!
Bart: Then that's not the real Ned Flanders.
Ned: [yelling] I'm a mur-diddley-urdler!!!!!
Bart: If that's not Flanders, he's done his homework.

[~*OnlyNDreams*~]

[Homer searches under the couch for a peanut]
Homer: Hmm...ow, pointy!
Eww, slimy.
Oh, moving!
Ah-ha! [looks, then says remorsefully] Oh, twenty dollars...I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for good and services.

Moe: When I say, "Put your beer on a coaster," I mean it!
Hans: You call that a knife? This is a knife! [pulls a huge blade
from his cane]
[It's too heavy for him to hold up]
[weakly] Ooh, down I go.

Homer: Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons.
Marge: Homer, you should be more supportive.
Homer: You're right, Marge. Good work, boy. [ruffles his hair]
[Marge leaves]
[singing] Egghead likes his booky-books!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Just tucking him in.

[~*OnlyNDreams*~]

Bart: [to himself] Look, Homer won't want to go, so just ask him and he'll say "No." Then it'll be his fault.
Homer: [to himself] I don't want to go, so if he asks me to go, I'll just say, "Yes!"
Homer's brain: Wait! Are you sure that's how this sort of thing works?
Homer: Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!
Bart: [through clenched teeth] Dad, I really want you to come on this trip with me.
Homer: [through clenched teeth] Bart, I'd be delighted to go on your trip with you.
Bart & Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Flanders! My socks feel dirty. Give me some water to wash them.
Flanders: Again? Homer, we have to ration the water carefully. It's our only hope!
Homer: Oh, pardon me, Mr. "Let's ration everything", but what d'you
think we're floating on? Don't you know the poem? "Water, water, everywhere, so let's all have a drink."

Bart: A rescue plane! Get the flare gun!
[Flanders does so, but Homer grabs it]
Homer: This ain't one of your church picnic flare-gun firings, Flanders!
This is the real thing!
[He discharges the gun, and the flare hits the plane and explodes]
D'oh!

[pinch990]

Homer: Wow. I removed the chip in my head! And without any brain damage-amage-amage-amage!

[~*OnlyNDreams*~]

Originally Posted by pinch990 Homer: Wow. I removed the chip in my head! And without any brain damage-amage-amage-amage!

That was funny!

[Jade Hunter]

Future Homer: (to Future Bart) Oh, I'm tired of giving you money. Why can't you be more like Lisa?
Future Bart: I am so sick of hearing about Lisa. Just because she's doing a little better than me -
Future Marge: She's President of the United States!
Future Bart: (correcting) President-*elect*.

[Rejected at his own family's house, Future Bart heads over to Ned Flanders' place, only to be greeted by a blind Ned. Apparently, ten years after you get your eyes corrected by laser surgery, your eyeballs fall out. Go figure.]
Future Ned: Bart, you're never going to grow up if I keep bailing you out.
Future Bart: Then, please, help me help myself.
Future Ned: Oh, all right, but only because you haven't outed Rod and Todd.
[camera pulls back to reveal the boys, grown up and wearing hot pants. They polish an antique desk, moving in a bump-and-grind fashion]

[wilson<3cuddy]

Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

Chief Wiggum on phone: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA.
Marge: Oh my god! He's dead?
Chief Wiggum: Oh, I'm sorry. He was DUI. I get those two confused. (hangs up phone)
Woman walks in: My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DUI?
Chief Wiggum: Uh... talk to one of those officers over there. I'm going to lunch.

Mayor Quimby: Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with digging up a corpse?

B.T.Barlow: Mr. Mayor, I have a question for you.....what if YOU came home one night to find your family tid up and gagged, with SOCKS in their mouths.They're screaming.Your trying to get in but there's too much BLOOD on the knob!!!!!
Quimby: What is your question about?
B.T.Barlow: It's about the budget sir.

Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.

Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!

Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life?
Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.

Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

Homer: Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Homer: Well crying isn't going to help. Now, you can sit there feeling sorry for yourself or you can eat can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food until your dog comes back, or you can go out there and find your dog.
Bart: You're right.
[Gets up and leaves]
Homer: Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.

[~*OnlyNDreams*~]

Originally Posted by Jade Hunter [Rejected at his own family's house, Future Bart heads over to Ned Flanders' place, only to be greeted by a blind Ned. Apparently, ten years after you get your eyes corrected by laser surgery, your eyeballs fall out. Go figure.] Future Ned: Bart, you're never going to grow up if I keep bailing you out. Future Bart: Then, please, help me help myself. Future Ned: Oh, all right, but only because you haven't outed Rod and Todd. [camera pulls back to reveal the boys, grown up and wearing hot pants. They polish an antique desk, moving in a bump-and-grind fashion]

[~*OnlyNDreams*~]

Originally Posted by ramsey Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown. Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down. Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros. Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet. Chief Wiggum on phone: Uh, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA. Marge: Oh my god! He's dead? Chief Wiggum: Oh, I'm sorry. He was DUI. I get those two confused. (hangs up phone) Woman walks in: My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DUI? Chief Wiggum: Uh... talk to one of those officers over there. I'm going to lunch. Mayor Quimby: Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with digging up a corpse? Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand? Homer: Yes. (lie dectector blows up)

Wiggum is always freakin hilarious!! Loved the one where his mixed up the DUI and DOA, LOL!!!!!!!!

And when the lie detector blew up,

[Jade Hunter]

President Lisa: As you know, we've inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump. How bad is it Secretary Van Houten?
Secretary Milhouse: (shows chart) We're broke.
President Lisa: The country is broke? How can that be?
Secretary Milhouse: Well, remember when the last administration decided to invest in our nation's children? Big mistake.

President Lisa: Oh, but Bart could screw everything up.
Future Kearney: (as a Secret Service agent) You want him...eliminated?
President Lisa: No, just keep him out of my hair.
Future Kearney: Out of your hair with extreme severity?
President Lisa: No!
Future Kearney: Come on, every President gets three secret murders. If you don't use them by the end of the term (makes smacking noise) they're gone.

Future Homer: [hauls a chest from one of the holes] Marge, I did it! I found Lincoln's gold! [opens the chest, but finds only a piece of paper] Huh?
Future Marge: (picks up the paper and reads it) 'Dear Countryman. You've come in search of my gold, and I will not disappoint you.'
Future Homer: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
Future Marge: 'My gold is in the heart of every freedom-loving American.'
Future Homer: Aw, crap!
Future Marge: 'It's in our mighty rivers, our majestic' - (stops reading) - well, isn't that clever? It's a metaphor.
Future Homer: (pounds the earth with his shovel) That lying, rail-splitting, theater-going freak!

[wilson<3cuddy]

Originally Posted by ~*OnlyNDreams*~ Wiggum is always freakin hilarious!!

Isn't he just?

Originally Posted by ~*OnlyNDreams*~ And when the lie detector blew up,

Another thing that's blown up!

[wilson<3cuddy]

Originally Posted by Jade Hunter President Lisa: As you know, we've inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump. How bad is it Secretary Van Houten? Secretary Milhouse: (shows chart) We're broke. President Lisa: The country is broke? How can that be? Secretary Milhouse: Well, remember when the last administration decided to invest in our nation's children? Big mistake. President Lisa: Oh, but Bart could screw everything up. Future Kearney: (as a Secret Service agent) You want him...eliminated? President Lisa: No, just keep him out of my hair. Future Kearney: Out of your hair with extreme severity? President Lisa: No! Future Kearney: Come on, every President gets three secret murders. If you don't use them by the end of the term (makes smacking noise) they're gone. Future Homer: [hauls a chest from one of the holes] Marge, I did it! I found Lincoln's gold! [opens the chest, but finds only a piece of paper] Huh? Future Marge: (picks up the paper and reads it) 'Dear Countryman. You've come in search of my gold, and I will not disappoint you.' Future Homer: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Future Marge: 'My gold is in the heart of every freedom-loving American.' Future Homer: Aw, crap! Future Marge: 'It's in our mighty rivers, our majestic' - (stops reading) - well, isn't that clever? It's a metaphor. Future Homer: (pounds the earth with his shovel) That lying, rail-splitting, theater-going freak!

Btw, I love these ones!

[wilson<3cuddy]

How about some of good ol' Milly?

Milhouse: Hey kid, stop wearing your backpack over one shoulder. We invented that, copycat.
Boy: Ah, you copied us.
Milhouse: Step over this line and say that. I'll kick your butt... at Nintendo.

Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

Lisa: Milhouse, she got you too!
Milhouse: Yeah but its ok im standing on Ralph...
Ralph: We're a totum pole HIHOWAREYA HIHOWAREYA

Milhouse: Not only am I not learning, I'm forgetting stuff I used to know.

Bart: Milhouse, what happened?! You were supposed to be watching the factory!
Milhouse: I was watchin'. First it started to fall over, then it fell over.

Bart: Well if your souls real where is it?
Milhouse: It's kinda in here... and when you sneeze, that's your soul trying to escape. Saying god bless you crams it back in. And when you die, it squirms out and flies away!
Bart: What if you die in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean.
Milhouse: Oh, it can swim, it's even got wheels, incase you die in the desert and have to drive to the cemetary.

Milhouse: My feet are soaked but my legs are bone dry! Everything's coming up Milhouse!

Bart to Milhouse: How can someone with glasses so thick be so stupid?

Milhouse: I'm not a nerd, Bart. Nerds are smart.

Milhouse: Look out Itchy! He's Irish!

Milhouse: We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

Milhouse: Remember Alf? Hes back! In pog form!

Milhouse: Why do you have a social worker? I am the one with stigmata.

Milhouse: I don't know, my Dad's a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory.

Milhouse: What kind of sprinkler do you perfer Bart, the kind that goes like this (while waving arms over head) whoosh, whoosh. Or the kind that goes like this (while turning head) pabapabapabapa-pssssh. Oh, and there's this kind (while waving arms and turning head) psssh-psssh-psssh.
Bart: Milhouse it's

Milhouse: If I wasn't your friend, I'd tell you you sucked.

Milhouse: There's plenty of Milhouse to go around.

Milhouse: It's called lice, and it's nothing to be ashamed of!

Milhouse: But I'm All Milhouse! Plus, my mom says I'm the handsomest guy in school!

Milhouse: You promised fudgicles. So, where are the fudgicles?

Milhouse: Weekend dad wanted a DVD player.

Milhouse: Dad, can I have money for a Panda Cone?

Milhouse: So this is what it feels like, when dove's cry.

Milhouse: Take that Mom! Take that Dad! Send me to a pyschiatrist! Take that Dr.Sally Wexler!

Milhouse: I have nothing to offer you but love.
Mr Burns: I specifically requested no geeks!
But my Mom says I'm cool.
Mr Burns: Next!

Milhouse: This is where I come to cry

Bart: What's it like riding a girl's bike?
Milhouse: It's disturbingly comfortable.

Milhouse: Who's stupid now?

Milhouse: Do you have my teeth?
Marge: ....No.

Milhouse: Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend anymore. That's why you couldn't come to the party.
Bart: What's she got against me?
Milhouse: She says you're a bad influence.
Bart: Bad influence! How many times have I told you? Never listen to your mother!
Milhouse: But Bart, she threatened to cut off my allowance!
Bart: Whatever she's paying you, I'll double it.
Milhouse: I'm really sorry Bart...

Milhouse: We have to spread this stuff around - let's put it on the internet.
Bart: No! We have to reach people whose opinions actually matter.

[~*OnlyNDreams*~]

Hahaha, good ol' Milhouse,

Originally Posted by ramsey Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl? Lisa: Milhouse, she got you too! Milhouse: Yeah but its ok im standing on Ralph... Ralph: We're a totum pole HIHOWAREYA HIHOWAREYA Milhouse: There's plenty of Milhouse to go around. Milhouse: It's called lice, and it's nothing to be ashamed of! Milhouse: But I'm All Milhouse! Plus, my mom says I'm the handsomest guy in school! Milhouse: You promised fudgicles. So, where are the fudgicles? Bart: What's it like riding a girl's bike? Milhouse: It's disturbingly comfortable. Milhouse: Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend anymore. That's why you couldn't come to the party. Bart: What's she got against me? Milhouse: She says you're a bad influence. Bart: Bad influence! How many times have I told you? Never listen to your mother! Milhouse: But Bart, she threatened to cut off my allowance! Bart: Whatever she's paying you, I'll double it. Milhouse: I'm really sorry Bart... Milhouse: We have to spread this stuff around - let's put it on the internet. Bart: No! We have to reach people whose opinions actually matter.

Milhouse: Hey kid, stop wearing your backpack over one shoulder. We invented that, copycat. Boy: Ah, you copied us. Milhouse: Step over this line and say that. I'll kick your butt... at Nintendo.

That sounds like something I would say,