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#106 | |||
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Loyal Fan
 
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 1,841
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Comic Book Guy: (eating marshmellow peeps) 98...99...100. Oh, if only the real chicks went down this easy.
[Outside] Burns: Look at that comic book fellow, calmly eating candy like a Spaniard! (hands Homer a briefcase) Time for monkey to shine. [Homer walks in] Homer: I'd like to buy a mint-condition "Spider Man" #1, please. Comic Book Guy: And I'D like an hour on the holodeck with Seven of Nine. (Homer opens his money filled briefcase) Oh, Saturn's rings! Let me get that for you. (produces the comic) Paperback or tripple mylar? Homer: No thanks, I'll just eat it here. (starts to eat the comic) Comic Book Guy: (horrified) Oh, no! What are you doing? (breaks down sobbing) [Role-playing with Mensa] Lisa: This is so cool, I feel like I'm back in the Renaissance. Frink: Please stay in character, gentle wench. Comic Book Guy: Verily I declare that the Earth revolves around the Sun and not t'other way round. Lyndsey Nagle: (to Comic Book Guy) Stop looking down my blouse, Copernicus! Comic Book Guy: Forsooth, mine eyes doth rove of their own accord. Comic Book Guy: Ooh, once again my underwear has become tangled in a cow-catcher. Comic Book Guy: Tell me, how do you feel about 45 year old virgins who still live with their parents? Woman: Comb the Sweet Tarts out of your beard and you're on. Comic Book Guy: Don't try to change me baby. Comic Book Guy: (at Itchy & Scratchy signing) Hi, can you make one out to me and three out to my friend of the same name? Stan Lee: Aren't you the guy who's stalking Linda Carter? Comic Book Guy: I prefer the term 'courting.' [picks up a Wonder Woman figure] The restraining order says "no-no," but her eyes say "yes-yes." Homer: Marge, why are you crying? You're not in any physical pain - the only kind of pain a man can understand. Bart: This sounds like a mystery only the Simpson family can solve! Moe: Oh. Well. All right, then. We'll just be going. [Starts herding Lenny and Carl out] Homer: Wait, you can come along. Moe: No, no, you said the Simpson family. It sounds exciting and all, but we don't want to intrude. (clasps hands hopefully) Marge: Thanks for understanding) Moe: (dejected) Oh. Well. Okay, then. [Goes out the door, but presses his face hopefully against the window. The Simpsons wave, and he dejectedly slides away] Homer: Bye, Moe! __________________
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down." - George Burns
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#108 | |||
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Dedicated Fan
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 576
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Quote:
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xxrachy $3+/ http://everybody--lies.livejournal.com #&%~
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#109 | |||
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Passionate Fan
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,573
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Awww poor Moe
 LOLComic Book Guy rocks! __________________
Carrie
Avy: pessimistreader |
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#111 | |||
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Loyal Fan
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 1,841
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[The door bell rings.]
Homer: Who is it? Lawyer: I'm here to serve you papers! Homer: Well, I'm not opening the door! Lawyer: (pulls out a plate of bacon) I have a side of bacon. Homer: (distressed) Oh, is it crispy? Lawyer: (temptingly) Yes. Homer: (tempted) But not TOO crispy? Lawyer: No. [Homer opens the door, takes plate of bacon, snatches the papers from the lawyer.] Homer: Yoink! I'll see YOU in court! Milhouse: (in bed) (hugging his doll) Oh, Puppy GooGoo, fetch me a dream. Lisa: Dad, no! We're trying to CONSERVE energy! Homer: (impatiently) Lisa, if we conserve energy, the environmentalists win! __________________
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down." - George Burns
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#113 | |||
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Passionate Fan
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,573
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Arnie Pie always makes me laugh! Kent: Hardest hit by the blizzard is Springfield's forbidding Widow's Peak. Our own Arnie Pie is on the scene. Arnie: [live remote, in a helicopter] Everything's snowed in! All I can see is white! Kent: [impatiently] Arnie, please. The ski conditions. Arnie: [now upside-down] Mayday! Mayday! I think I'm flying into a mountain! Tell my wife I lo... [picture fuzzes out] Kent: [chuckles] That's great, Arnie. Homer: Well, I really should discuss this with my wife. Salesman: [scoffs] Your wife? [cracks an imaginary whip] Homer: What, you think I'm going to buy a $20,000 truck just because you make that noise? Salesman: [does it again] [and again] [and again] Homer: [on his knees] I'll take it! Homer: Gasp! Adam West! [calling] Kids! Batman! Lisa: Dad, that's not the real Batman. Adam West: Of course I'm the real Batman. [shows a glossy] See, here's a picture of me with Robin. Bart: Who the hell is Robin? Agent: Now, before I give you the check, one more question. This place "Moe's'' you left just before the accident. This is a business of some kind? Homer: [thinks] Don't tell him you were at a bar! Gasp! But what else is open at night? [aloud] It's a pornography store. I was buying pornography. [thinks] Heh heh heh. I would'a never thought of that. __________________
Carrie
Avy: pessimistreader |
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#115 | |||
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Passionate Fan
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,573
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LMFAO!!
 Kent always treats him like crap, and Arnie is so bitter towards him, LOL!! I loved this one too when Arnie said: "You mean is your giant castle okay, Kent?" __________________
Carrie
Avy: pessimistreader |
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#117 | |||
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Loyal Fan
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 1,841
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Marge: (angrily) (pacing) If you looked up 'Meanie Beanie Bofeenie,' you'd see HIS picture!
Homer: (excited) YOU went to a sugar factory? Were there Oompa Loompas? Marge: (frowning) There was one in a cage, but he wasn't moving. Shabby Lawyer: Now, Count Fudgecula, how long have you been spokesman for [the sugar company]? Count Fudgecula: (with Transylvanian accent) Twenty of your mortal years. (dejectedly) But I had to quit on account of my gingevitus. (takes out his fangs, which turn out to be dentures) Now my victims have to be mashed up. Everyone: Aww. Lisa: (to Bart and Homer, dressed in black) Is it worth risking your lives just for some sugar? Marge: (off-screen) Dessert's on! I steamed some lime! Lisa: (shudders) (grabbing Bart and Homer's hands) God speed. __________________
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down." - George Burns
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#119 | |||
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Passionate Fan
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,573
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LOL, I loved that episode about the sugar!!!!
__________________
Carrie
Avy: pessimistreader |
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#120 | |||
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Loyal Fan
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 1,841
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Apu: (after he's shot) Ah. The searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you. I mean, I think I'm dying.
Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, I'd like you to remember Matthew 7:26. "The foolish man who built his house upon the sand." Homer: (pointing a finger) And you remember (thinks) Matthew... (ramdomly) 21:17. Reverend Lovejoy: (confused) "And he left them and went out of the city, into Bethany, and he lodged there?" Homer: Yeah. Think about it. [After writing a death threat to Bart in blood, Sideshow Bob starts writing another letter with his bleeding finger] Bob: "Dear 'Life in These United States,' a funny thing happened to me..." (He sways, woozy, and collapses onto the desk) Snake: Use a pen, Sideshow Bob. __________________
"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down." - George Burns
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