FoxPhile

The last time I had a day like that, I was sick.

Most days - even weekend days - I'm working. At least if I'm at home I can work and watch tv, too.

WeBuiltThePyramids

And review Nicole's two more chapters.

FoxPhile

Dang! You review 6 chapters in one day and she turns into needy baby! {just teasing}

Read one chapter at something like 3am yesterday and the other at 4 this morning. I'll read again and review when I can do so coherently - probably later today, when I need a work break.

In other news, I'm starting to look at shelter dogs to adopt when I retire and move. I know it's a little early, but I take a long time to make decisions and right now, I'm mostly trying to get an idea of what type of dog I want. I know I want a small dog - like I love Shih Tzu and Llaso Apso and Bichon breeds. But I think I might also opt for an older dog - maybe even a senior. I mean, I'll be a senior myself, and I'm not up for chasing around with a puppy or even a young dog. If I get a senior, hopefully they will be a bit more sedate. Plus I figure senior dogs probably have a real tough time getting adopted.

WeBuiltThePyramids

I am always a needy baby.

I adopted Eliza when she was five, but when I get older and can handle the medical bills that an older animal may require, I want to adopt a senior animal too, because you're right, they are much harder to get adopted out. Eliza herself wasn't considered very adoptable either - but not because of age or a medical issue, because she was so sad and miserable in the shelter she wouldn't interact with anyone.

FoxPhile

The one thing that concerns me about that is I'm terribly tender-hearted when it comes to pets. I'm pretty sure I had a harder time dealing with the death of my aunt's dog than I had dealing with her death. I've lost 2 other dogs in my life and both times I was devastated.

If I get a senior dog - I'm pretty much guaranteeing that I will put myself through that.

WeBuiltThePyramids

I definitely struggle with that too. The hardest loss to bear was when Jenny, my lab, got put down. I got her as a puppy for my 4th birthday and she died in my arms at the vet 15 years later. My sister took it hard too - she was two when I got Jenny and after she was gone and we came home my sister almost went into shock, mumbling about how she never knew life before I had Jenny and she didn't understand how things were going to work now that she was gone.

Her dog, April, is currently 14 and overall healthy but not as much as Jenny was at that age. And our horse, Jazz, is 23, which she could live another 10 years easily but she is at the age where it wouldn't be shocking if we had to put her down (though until she hits 25 I'd be surprised if we found she'd gone in her sleep). So at this point even if I could afford it I wouldn't have wanted a senior cat because at the very least within 2-3 years we will lose April and right now I could not deal with two pet losses close together. Eliza is six now, it's honestly a toss up if she will outlive Jazz or not.

I just keep reminding myself that we give a good home, Jazz and Eliza adore me (April likes me well enough but she knows she's my sister's dog) and it'll hurt to lose any of them but they all had good lives.

FoxPhile

We got our first dog when I was 5, and one of my only memories from that age is riding home from the shelter holding that little black puppy on my lap. He was a mix of Cocker, Lab and wolf - extremely protective of us - most of the neighbors were scared to death of him. But with us he was completely gentle. We had my grandmother and step-grandfather take care of him one summer while we were in the process of moving, and he got loose and we never saw him again. That was when I was ten. Six years later, when I was sixteen, I woke up in the middle of the night crying my eyes out - so much my mom came to see what was wrong - and it was because I realized he was never coming home.

FoxPhile

Sorry - we should probably try to get this thread on a happier note! Looks like we might actually get our first real snow tomorrow - 6-10". Around here, that shuts everything down.

WeBuiltThePyramids

Awwww. I had dreams about our previous horse, Cruise, for years after he died.

So not to change the topic, but I'd been looking at a list of possible therapists/psychiatrists. And my mom said she'd make the appointment for me since she knows I have phone anxiety. I woke up this morning and she had left a note that said "hey you're seeing this lady tomorrow she could have seen you today but I told her you need to plan ahead." And I'm both anxious and angry right now, I've been bawling my eyes out for the better part of fifteen minutes, because a 24 hour notice on this kind of thing isn't even remotely enough for me. I thought she knew to give me 3-4 days to mentally prepare for this kind of thing. But nope, tomorrow. She didn't even call the lady when I was there so I could hear what she was saying, and she didn't tell me this in person, I got a note (I was asleep when she called but she knows she can wake me up, she'd done it before when she needed to discuss something with me before she went to work).

So now I'm probably going to be extremely unproductive all day because my brain is working on overdrive trying to process this. She even said on the note and I quote "I told her you didn't like surprises." And yet she doesn't know me well enough to know that this very much qualifies as a surprise.

FoxPhile

I'm sorry you're dealing with that, Nicole. You would think you're mom would know you better, but maybe she wants to get you started on this so much that she didn't think about it. I hope it will work out for you - I can only imagine that going into something that without the chance to mentally prepare makes it so much harder.

WeBuiltThePyramids

She does want to get me started. She's neurotypical and doesn't listen to me when I explain to her that just because she could do this or that doesn't mean I can. When I got home from Kentucky she said "I'd never want to push you, take all the time you need before we do X." I got home on a Saturday. On Tuesday she was acting like she'd given me more than enough time and she couldn't understand why I wasn't ready. I told her I would tell her when I was ready for X. She didn't get why it was taking me so long.

And now I am ready to see someone. But she and I have had conversations where I've told her I hate when friends want to make plans with less than 3 days' notice because I can't handle that, and somehow she thought that I could handle this on a notice of 24 hours.

She's texting me back now and saying we can reschedule, but that's the thing, we can't. When I was little she and my dad drilled into me and my sister that if you make an appointment/commitment, you keep it. So my anxiety would only get worse at this point if I rescheduled.

FoxPhile

I don't mean to disparage your mom, but you would think that even someone who is neurotypical who has known you your entire life would have some clue.

If I'm not mistaken, anxiety and depression also tend to make a person obsessive about things like rules - like the keeping commitments thing - if only because it brings a little bit of order into what otherwise feels like a chaotic existence.

WeBuiltThePyramids

Yeah, you'd think. She's an absolutely wonderful mom but she doesn't understand this sort of stuff and though she does research, sometimes it feels like she's not open minded about it. Like my previous counselor, the health center, the books, and 99% of websites will say the same thing, but if that doesn't sound right to her she will find the one article that says what she thinks and will ask me if I have considered it this way instead. I'm like, you're not a professional and you're not me, how about you don't play Devil's Advocate with my health?

Not everyone with those illnesses lean on rules to keep themselves feeling like they know what's going on, but some of us do. I wouldn't say I've gotten any worse since I've been ill, my parents are very rule oriented too so Kristin and I were raised to take rules seriously (within reason, I've become quite the civil disobedient when it comes to social justice).

One thing that worries me is this lady has on her profile online under "sexuality": Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual. That's cool and all, but I'm in the "+" part of the acronym and it concerns me that she doesn't list Transgender. I'm not trans, but I have to wonder if she just doesn't feel she'd be the best fit to help with transgender issues or if she's actually transphobic, and even though I'm cis, I don't want a transphobic therapist. And I'm worried about bringing up my asexuality to someone who has some queer orientations on her list but not all of them.

FoxPhile

I can understand your concerns. One would think that most health providers would be accepting of just about any place you might be on the sexual spectrum, but they are human beings first - and subject to all the failings and prejudices that humans have.

As you say - she may just feel she's not the best fit for transgender folks, or she may be one of those people who feel like you have to fit into one of the "Big Three" to be worth her consideration. Or she may have issues with that part of LGBTQ+. Either way, you're walking into a big unknown that's a big important thing for you.

WeBuiltThePyramids

I told my mother I'm not going unless she finds out how this woman stands on asexuality. I know that if I walk into an environment and get acephobia, I may never trust a setting like that again.