Sunrise at Midnight

Bumping this up

Bec =)

This one girl would have been 28 years old this past Sunday, but she died Christmas Day 2008 due to a mixture of cystic fibrosis and pneumonia. Not many people know I knew her, and I kept our friendship under the wraps. But anyways, she helped me during a dark period of my life and made me realize life is too short to sit around all depressed and mopey. I swear that she invented the term "YOLO" because that was really her motto. She did all kinds of crazy things, even death-defying, and still came out on top. Unfortunately, she couldn't come out on top of her CF.

She was an amazing young woman.

Sunrise at Midnight

Becki

Doxia

I normally don't say much when it comes to grieving because it fluctuates. Right not, I am having the worst time of it. I'm crying practically every day, my emotions are all over the place, and I've become afraid to reach out. It's frustrating when it affects me in terms of the things I love to do. I have no energy for them.

Sunrise at Midnight

Aw Audery. That's normal. Totally normal. We never get over the loss, we just get used to living with it and we have times where it's like it just happened all over again. We're here for you. just take things one hour at a time, you get through that one, then the next, and the next.

Doxia

My boss even told me that I was too tense. Basically, I'm living moment by moment. I'm back to listening to music to get me through the day.

Sunrise at Midnight

Audrey

Tina

to everyone.

Sunrise at Midnight

I second that

Drunk On You

I think after 3 1/2 months I'm almost ready to talk about my cousin. About 5 years ago he was walking in the middle of the street drunk and got hit by a car. It was bad. He was in the trauma unit for a long time. Was even in a coma for a few weeks. It was a miracle he survived that. And even 5 years later he was finally just fully recovering. Ever since then he hadn't been right in the head. He's gone up and down with depression, been addicted to pain pills, and does drugs. No major drugs-pot (which according to some isn't a drug and that really didn't mess with him) but I believe he was doing that spice crap which my mom said will really mess with you. He would have these episodes where he would go crazy. He would get paranoid and think that everyone was talking about him and that the whole family was plotting against him.

A couple years ago when he was still living with his dad he over dosed on pills and left his dad a note. He was rushed to the hospital. I didn't think anything about it. I didn't think he was serious, just crying out for attention. He's always been a little chubby and nerdy. And his friends (all except 1 or 2 I would actually call his real friends) would always pick and joke on him. He's delt with stomach pains. The doctors could never figure out what was causing them. He was having them one day, so he went to the er. At some point I think they released him (although he could of walked out) walked out and there's a bridge. He jumped off the bridge. They declared him brain dead the next morning and took him off of life support.

We haven't really been close now, but we used to be. We grew up with him and his sister. Took family vacations together, at a few points all lived together. My sister found a picture and I totally forgot about it, but we (my siblings at the time and them 2) went and got a family portrait done. Now I look back the last few months and I don't think I ever really grieved. I don't like to think about it/him. It hurts too much. Even now as I write this I'm fighting back tears. It's not that I've forgotten about him or have move on from his death. It's too painful. That afternoon after I went home I took a nap and woke up to a voicemail from a friend that saw my post on FB and she told me she's sorry and she loves me. I just remember listening to that made me start crying because it meant it was real and wasn't a dream. And I remember the next day waking up and just started crying because I felt such pain in my heart.

Last night I had a dream about him. We were all together, and he was there. He's still dead and no one else could see him. It wasn't like he was a ghost but actual there in the flesh. I asked him why. He told me the pain was too much. He couldn't go on. And I told him didn't he know that his mom, sister, grandparents, us, we loved him so much and we all were in such pain. He said he knew but no amount of love could of fixed him. Now I can't keep him off my mind.

Sunrise at Midnight

April that is a lot for anyone to process. Did the dream leave you with any feeling of comfort?

Tina

April.
I agree with Kali. That's a lot for anyone to take in. It's good to grieve.

Drunk On You

In a way it did. It almost felt a little bit like a little of closure. But at the same time just breaks my heart all over again.

I never realized how bad and real his depression was. I know what helps and especially helped my aunt get through those first few days was that he wasn't suffering anymore. His soul was finally at peace. His demons and pain was just too much.

Sunrise at Midnight

dreams that bring a sense of closure are good. I fully believe those dreams happen because the person we lost wants to have that visit or visits. They are special because they don't happen often, but when they do it feels so real you remember every detail.

That is the one blessing in all of this, he's at peace now.

Drunk On You

He is.

I had a friend that committed suicide about 8 years ago. I remember crying for months. I felt like I cried more over him than my cousin. But like I said before I try my best not to think about him or that he's gone and why. It tears a huge hole in my heart. Like with my friend I tend to think about him when I'm alone. Especially on my way to and from work. When that happens I listen to this song a few times