[Wayward Melody]

Great quotes!

Marshall: Dude, that is just, like, a weenie-ass idea.
Ted: No! It was awesome! I had a great night, I'm never going to see her again, and there's no way to ruin it.
Marshall: Ted, how do I explain this to you: last night I ate the best cake of my life. You think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell no! I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake, and then I'm gonna get some more cake!
Ted: The cake really got to you, huh?
Marshall: ... It haunts me.

[*~*Rach*~*]

Lily: "She had just as much sex with Barney as Barney had with her!"
Robin: "You know what? I'm not sure that's true!"

[smoothaise]

A bunch of quotes from all seasons (randomy scattered)! Enjoy!

Marshall: See what I got going on here, they're turkeys, but they're also hands. Because later, we're gonna eat turkey, and then I'm gonna slap you in your face. Barney: Please. You took out all the suspense. In a horror movie, the killer does not grab a bull horn and announce: "Attention unsupervised teens here at the lake house. At precisely 3 am, I'm gonna jump outta that closet right there and hack you all up with a machete. PS: Fire is my one weakness."

Young Katie: Robin, will you watch cartoons with me? Young Robin: I go to school all week. Can't I have just five minutes to myself to read "Highlights" and drink my juice?

Gael: Gael. Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle? Gael: Gael. Barney: ...Kyle? Gael: Gael. Marshall: ...Girl? Robin: It's pronounced Guy-el. Gael: It means joyful. That is why I live my joyfully, and give to others. Especially those less fortunate than I. Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?

Marshall: But just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads and say a quiet prayer to the TiVo gods. Ted: Almighty TiVo, We thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of god-like. And let's not forget fast-forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, o magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats. Marshall and Ted: Amen.

Ted: So I guess that decides it. Marshall: Yep. Barney: Hanging out at a coffee place: not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar.

Barney: You are forcing me to be the voice of reason. And that’s not a good look for me!

Marshall: The 88. They're this awesome band. They played my law review party. They were found guilty... on three counts of rocking.

Barney: So Robin, do you ever, uhh, report on train wrecks? Because I just saw one! Whaaatt uppp! [to kid in class] Tiny five!

Robin: What the hell are you doing? Barney: I'm birthday suiting up!

Robin: How fancy are we talking about here? Ted: Oh, you gonna wanna bring your A-game. Robin: Oh, I'll bring it. I'll bring it so hard, the bride's gonna look like a big white bag of crap.

Ted: You set me on FIRE! Barney: Real suede wouldn't have gone up as fast. You got robbed; this is a blend. Ted: YOU...SET ME...ON FIRE. And who's the girl in my bed? [Barney runs to Ted's room, looks inside, & runs back to the couch] Barney: There's a girl in your bed. Marshall: And a pineapple! Am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple?

Barney: [chuckling] Marshall ran away from a cockroach. Marshall: It was a mouse! Barney: Sorry, my bad. You're a man.

Barney: You dumped a porn star? Friendship over. Ted: Barney... Barney: FRIENDSHIP OVER!

Ted's Voiceover: And that was when I realised why I hung out with Barney. I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story.

And from the Pilot...

Future Ted: Son, a piece of advice, never use the words "smurf penis" on a first date.

[mystic2182]

Those are great quotes! I love Marshall talking about the wedding cake.

[Evil Poptart]

I loved this scene from the ****ty Pumpking episode.
Robin: How do you do this Ted? How do sit out here all night, in the cold, and still have faith that your pumpkin's going to show up?
Ted: Well, I'm pretty drunk. Look I know the odds are, the love of my life isn't going to magically walk
through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning.
But it just seems as nice a spot as any to just...you know, sit and wait.


Barney: What's that? Self five? Nice! We out!


Suited Guy: High five.
Hippie Barney: Sorry, I only give high two’s. [gives peace sign]


Barney: You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be AWESOME instead. True story.
(personal note...I constantly say "true story" now because of this show. )


Waiter: Do you want that gravy on something?
Ted: ...Surprise me.
Robin: I'd take you with gravy if my boyfriend wasn't sitting right here. Just kidding, I'm good!
Lily: What are you so chirpy about?
Ted: She's still drunk from last night.
Robin: I don't think so! WOOOOOO!

[Wayward Melody]

Ted's Voiceover: And that was when I realised why I hung out with Barney. I never got where I thought I wanted to go, but I always got a great story.

I loved that line so much. Bob Saget is the man.

[smoothaise]

That was from "The Sweet Taste of Liberty" from S1.

Have you ever seen Bob Saget's comedy show... BAD! My advice: Don't...

[Wayward Melody]

I've seen him at the Laugh Factory over here, he was very...raunchy. Yeah, that's a good way to put it...

Ted: So what, you..uh..you want me to do a shot?
Barney: Oh no! I want you to do FIVE shots.
Marshall: Oh, more interesting.
Ted: Barney, I think you've officially...
Barney: NO! Don't think. DO!
Marshall: Ted, he's right. You over-think. Maybe, you should over-drink.
Marshall and Barney: Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink!
Ted: Uh Lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being?
Lily: Guys, you are being immature and moronic and DRINK DRINK DRINK!

[DanceWithLife]

I love that one. Lily is such a guys' girl.

[Wayward Melody]

She is, I swear that's the one reason she gets fits with Marshall so well, she is allowed to be herself and he's allowed to be himself.

[*~*Rach*~*]

Barney: Alright, fine, the stripper at Stewart’s Bachelor Party was a 15.
Ted: She was 15?!?!
Barney: A 15...like in blackjack.
Ted: As in, not sure whether you’d hit it?
Barney: Exactly!
Ted: Nice.

[otherwise]

I love that one.

[*~*Rach*~*]

I love it when Ted humours Barney. Like in The Bracket when he admits to reading his blog when he was bored at work!

[Wayward Melody]

"like in blackjack..."

Robin: My father was a cigar fanatic. It was the only way to get his attention.
Barney: Father issues. Hot.
Robin: Yeah, I know. I was this close from being a huge ****.
Barney: **** would've been better, but I'll settle for bro. Especially now that Ted's with Victoria and can't drink. Because he's pregnant... because he's the girl.
Robin: Come on, Ted can't be pregnant. You need to have sex to get pregnant.
Barney: What up! Freeze-frame high five!

[*~*Rach*~*]

Marshall: I look like one of the Backstreet Boys!
Barney: HA! You totally do! And not even the good Backstreet Boys, the the older, lame dance move comeback tour Backstree Boys.
Ted: ...The good Backstreet Boys?