[fetch]

This place has great salads!

[You. Yes. You.]

LMAO! I loved that episode.

"I'M WETTING MY PANTS!"

[fetch]

Ted: You didn't even want this apartment. You said a pre-war apartment was bad for your allergies.
Marshall: That was five years ago. Now you can get anti-histamines over-the-counter without a prescription. Oh, snap! What else ya got?

[Wayward Melody]

Taxi Driver: Woah woah woah. Did you hit her?
Lily: Hit me? Please! This guy can barely spank me in bed for fun. He's all like "Oh, honey, did that hurt?" and I'm all like, "C'mon, let me have it, ya pansy!" Wow. Complete Stranger.

Barney: Look at you, ya beautiful bastard! You suited up! This is totally going in my blog!

Barney: Look, our forefathers died for the "pursuit of happiness," okay? Not for the "sit around and wait of happiness." Now if you want, we can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, talk to the same people every day or you can lick the Liberty Bell. You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it.
Taxi Driver: That was beautiful, man.

[You. Yes. You.]

Robin: How is racist ghost better than crooked apartment?

[~DresdenDoll~]

LMAO

Talking about ghosts, Barney's letter:

Dear Resident,
The time we spent together, however long it was, meant the world to me. I would love to see you again, but unfortunately, I cannot. You see, I am a ghost. I can only materialize once every decade, on the anniversary of my death. I chose to spend my one day among the living with you, sweet Resident. Perhaps we will meet again in another decade, provided you keep your figure. Until then, all my love, Barney.

Ok so it's not exactly quote from the show, but the whole tedmosbyisajerk.com site cracks me up so much. That song is just addictive

[siobeehan]

Originally Posted by lost soul (View Post) Some of my favorites from S1. Marshall: I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff. But, uh, they make you old. Kinda like this anchor weighing you down to one spot... forever. Claire: I'm three months pregnant. Marshall: [surprised] ...Not awkward, guys. Not awkward unless we let it be awkward. [nervously smiles, then walks away]

I love that bit! The arm movements Jason does when he says "pudgy arms" is hilarious too

Some more...

Barney: [As he enters] And his hair was perfect.

Marshall: I don't know what it is but margaritas make me sexy.

Barney: (making a fake phone call) Hi, leg warehouse? Yeah, my friend Ted needs something to stand on. (pause) So, nothing for him to stand on? Ok, thanks so much. (hangs up phone)

I love his delivery of the end of that line

Ted: Why do you think I call her Chewbacca?
Marshall: I assumed because she's loyal, wears shiny belts and because I resemble a young Harrison Ford.

[otherwise]

Almost every line of this show makes an awesome quote.

[Wayward Melody]

Barney: My life rocks! Money, suits and sex? These are tears of joy! I could be cooped up in an apartment, changing some brat's poopy diaper but instead I'm out in the world being awesome 24/7/365! You let me dodge a bullet, big guy.

Lily: So if those guys pressure you to smoke, what do you say?
Marshall: Only when I’m drunk.
Lily: Good boy.

[You. Yes. You.]

Ted: So Robin and I had our first fight.
Barney: Oh no, what did you guys fight about? [puts on iPod]

[*~*Rach*~*]

Barney: Your hand is monstrous!
Marshall: Well, what did you expect? You've seen my penis.

[fetch]

Barney: Ted, it's called Thanksgiving, not Thankstaking. Damn!

[Wayward Melody]

Marshall: Executive mischief consultant Marshall Erikson reporting for duty.
Barney: Let’s make that bastard pay.
Marshall: Do you think that we should brush our teeth first?
Barney: Yea, that’s probably a good idea.

[DanceWithLife]

I love all the quotes. Thanks!

[siobeehan]

Barney: Mine says... "Swarley".... How'd they get "Swarley" from "Barney"? It's not even a name. Who would ever be called "Swarley"?....(Marshall and Ted smile)
Oh, please don't start calling me "Swarley"... This would never happen at a bar! (he leaves)
Ted: Man! What's up with Swarley?
Marshall: I know. You almost never see old Swarlz get that upset.
Ted: Psssh.

Robin: What's up, Swarles?
Barney: No, okay? No! No more! I will not let this become a thing! It's OVER! No more "Swarley!" No "Swarles!" No more "Swar-LAY!" No more "Swar--wait for it--LEE!" No more "Bob Swarleyman!" No more! No! It's over! Do you understand?
Lily and Robin: Yes.
Barney: Thank you. [walks away, unaware of a "CALL ME SWARLEY :-)" sign on his back]

"Bob Swarleyman" is the best