There You'll Be

I'm glad you're not dealing with as bad of depression as you used to go through, Leanne.

Well, I mentioned to my mother, on the phone, that I'm considering moving to another state, and asked how she would feel about it. If she'd be okay.

Come to find out that her nephew has been around taking care of the house. (my cousin, one of her brothers sons) Nevermind that he was a hostile, threatening, drunk. They're all buddy buddy now. Including his wife, and 4 kids. She said that they call and check on her regularly, and would be there for her.

While that put my mind at ease about that, it hurt me, so much. So much. All I keep thinking is how can she forgive him for everything, but not me, for whatever reason she threw me out? How can she ask them for help, and not me? Why does she suddenly trust him so much, and not me? Why didn't she tell me he'd been around, at all? How can she leave me completely alone, and also cause me to deal with Kevin's death all on my own?

sunnykerr

That sounds quite odd to me, Kim. Like they're getting in there to secure her inheritance or something. And that she's letting them for her own reasons...

I hate that it hurts you, though.

reason to believe

That does sound like a sort of plan that Sunny brought up.

Your mom is a mystery to me, Kim

So sorry she is like this, you don’t deserve this sort of mother situation.

Meliana

I don't know why your mother goes out of her way to hurt you, Kim. I really don't. I personally feel it might be better for you if you cut her out of your life. I can understand you finding that hard to do though.

I think she's reaching out to anyone now that she's found herself on her own, but I doubt she has forgiven them, she doesn't seem like a forgiving person. I would guess it is out of necessity rather than anything, and she is too proud to admit that she made a mistake in treating you the way she did, because then she would have to face up to the reality of what she did. She is avoiding the guilt by pretending that everything is better this way.

Protect yourself, and your own feelings, Kim. I hope it gets easier the more distant from her you get.

sunnykerr

^ Once again, Claire has the right of it, I think.

Whatever shenanigans your mother is doing, whatever her reasons are, Kim, you need to focus on protecting yourself. Take your shot and get away. Look to the light.

Meliana

Also Kim you didn't do anything wrong. She threw you out because she saw Kevin as more important.

^Thanks Sunny.

sunnykerr

I think it's scary to walk away from familiar situations, but I think sometimes a cycle needs to be broken. And I think this is one of those times, Kim.

Get yourself a clean slate. You'll be bringing your own baggage anyway. You have zero obligation to try and sort your mother's baggage as well.

reason to believe

Anguish when you think a person matches so many things as yourself but you will never ever interact in the future with them and a Chance was never given to.

sunnykerr

I'm waiting to see how my mother handles her sister's latest diagnoses.

There You'll Be

You guys are the best. I learned a lot from your posts, and most of all, the reinforcement of taking care of myself really helped.

I take it's not good for your aunt, or it kind of sounds that way from your post, Sunny. How about you? How are you taking it? Are you close to her?

Claire and Leanne, how are the two of you? Doing okay?

reason to believe

I sometimes lately feel sad again cause of stuff I can't change.

But for the most part, I just started work again so having a schedule and people around may improve things plus I have entertainment options at home in case I get too blah about the dumb stuff that plagues my heart.

sunnykerr

I really love my aunt, Kim. I don't know if I could say we're close. She's the one with schizophrenia and she's been keeping to herself pretty closely since she's been medicated. But she's absolutely lovely when I do see her. Always smiling and interested in what you have to say.

Right now, the diagnoses are fairly vague but scary. The portion of colon that was resected showed cancer, but no one's said if it's spread or not and how advanced it is, and there's apparently some issues with her aorta, but although they seem to be severe, it's impossible to say how pressing they are.

And my aunt won't do anything until she's either wrapped her mind around it all or, at least, until the whole "colon resection" portion of events is over with. She's a hard one to budge once she's made up her mind to something.

To add insult to injury, she was (in appearances anyway) the healthiest of her five siblings. So everyone's in shock, understandably, and freaking right out. Which is also understandable, but I just want to hear what's going on and what we're doing about it, you know?

So I'm doing okay, which I feel terrible about, but I'm also frustrated with not knowing more? If that makes sense...

Meliana

That does sound scary, Sunny. Glad you're doing okay though.

I was feeling fine, but today has been an overcast rainy day, and I just feel down, and pessimistic about the future again.

I'm glad our comments helped Kim. I really hope you find somewhere decent to live soon.

sunnykerr

I wish my mother was calmer, though...

reason to believe

I keep going back and forth feeling fine and then feeling sick in the stomach with sadness about things I can't change. I hate that it even happened so that I always have a memory of it all.