m&m fkan

I get what you're saying, and you're right. I have to stop obsessing about things that really aren't important. The weird thing is, I know when I'm doing it. The real cause of the conflict is ME, telling myself that someone slighted me...when deep down, I know that they didn't. It's almost like I can't accept that someone hasn't got an ulterior motive for being pleasant to me. ever.

There You'll Be

If they're important to you, they matter, but I do think Sunny is right about interpretations. It's hard to know what is going on in their heads.


ETA-I mean if your feelings are important to you, they matter.

Meliana

I totally understand that. I used to feel the same way, if I didn't like me, how could anyone else like me was what I was thinking.

I do think it is important to love yourself first, so that you can let others in too, and that you don't put your own self worth in how others see you, but in how you feel about yourself. I hope you do find some good friendships, though.

sunnykerr

^ That's some great wisdom.

It's important to love yourself first and to take care of yourself. To value yourself. You'll never know what goes on in other people's brains. So be strong in who you are.

m&m fkan

thanks you guys. I know I need to care about myself...but putting myself down is such a hard habit to break.

I stop for a while...and then it sneaks up on me.

Meliana

It is a hard habit for sure. It is worth reminding yourself about all the good things about yourself, though.

There You'll Be

Definitely what Claire and Sunny said.

It is definitely a hard habit to break, of putting yourself down. I do it naturally, and have yet to break the habit.

Maybe try, when you're feeling good about yourself and life, writing down things that are good, and compliments to yourself, or positive knowledge about yourself. Then when down, look at them. It might help.

sunnykerr

I think... well, speaking for myself anyway... it's not a habit that you do break.

I will always beat myself up first, second and always. I will always believe the worst of myself. I will always think very little of me.

But, when I know that about myself, I am capable of realizing that thinking that I'm not worth much is just my emotions doing their "thing." I am capable of telling myself that I am wrong in feeling that way.

I don't always succeed in convincing myself, but the point is that I know that my instinct to jump to the very worst conclusions has nothing to do with reality.

I hope to "grow out" of it but, even if I don't, I know that I'm not as terrible as I tend to think I am.

m&m fkan

Sometimes, even as I'm feeling good, and thinking good thoughts... a litany of things that I'm doing wrong will start to play...like a tape recording in my head.

There You'll Be

That absolutely never occurred to me. If I can wrap my head around that, it would make a world of difference to me.

I do agree, also, I don't think any of us who feel that way grow out of it.

That is normal for me, too.

It's almost like if I'm feeling good, I'm waiting for something bad to happen, which will of course be all my own doing, or fault.

sunnykerr

... There's all kind of litterature out there about the impact of trauma on the brain, especially in your formative years. I'm not expert, of course, but I understand that, if you've experienced significant depression in your youth, there are parts of your brain that sorta stick. So that, years down the line, when you're actually fine and doing well, you'll have a moment of depression knock you over.

It's not you. It's nothing to do with what you're going through at that time. It's your brain having some sort of weird fart where it thinks it's back to that time.

So that's what I try to remind myself. It's not me. Well, not the me I am now.

Meliana

Oh absolutely! My worst depressions were around the ages 14-16. Looking back it's shocking how bad it was, and how little help I had. But at the time it was my normal.

I have to work hard to not return to that state of mind.

There You'll Be

Thanks for that idea to look for it online, Sunny. It makes sense, with what you were saying.

A lot of trauma, for me, started under the age of 4, so I really want to do some investigation on how that may still impact me.

I definitely don't want to delve too far into the memories, without my counselor to share it with, but, I'd like to know what I'm facing now.

sunnykerr

Well, I'm not one to say whether you want to explore deeply buried trauma or not.

I'm just saying that sometimes there is no reason for a depressive episode. It's like a real-life flashback, but you're not given the information to understand what's going on.

So, for myself anyway, I try to not let it get me down. I try not to blame myself when it happens, thus making it even worse.

There You'll Be

Claire, does it get exhausting for you, too, to have to work hard to not end up in that past place in your head?

Sunny, I don't know how far I'd be willing to go into my own head, for sure.

I hope I can come to a place like you-realize what's happening, and be able to just know I'm having a flashback sort of episode.