Nostalgic Heart

This is kind of a long story because it has been going on for over 5 months now and it’s been very unstable and emotionally exhausting and confusing for me. I just need some advice.

So here’s the short version: This co-worker and I have been working together for months and were friends on social media and he had a gf and I never thought anything of him until one day in November he got hurt at work and left early and I sent him a message on social media that night asking if he was okay. He responded and I expected it to end there, but he continued to talk to me and kept the conversation going and then the next day we exchanged numbers and I found out him and his gf actually broke up two months prior. He would talk me good morning, good night and all throughout the day every day for two weeks, just asking me about my hobbies and interests and getting to know me and telling me about himself and what he’s up to at the time. Then we became flirty and even ended up sending pics on snap chat and sexting and having phone sex. After two and a half weeks of nonstop communication, he started getting distant and texting less. I started feeling bad and thought maybe it was me and I did something to make him lose interest. I finally asked him what was going on and he sent me a long text message telling me he enjoys talking to me but he is still adjusting from getting out of a five year relationship (they used to live together) and that it has been a rough transition because things got complicated and he is hurt and hates to admit it and he’s just going through a lot of personal **** and told me to please not feel like I was used or a rebound and he didn’t mean to hurt me (we didn’t actually sleep together or even hang out. It was nothing but texts and seeing each other at work and being completely professional at work but I became attached and comfortable with him and we were still very intimate and shared a lot with each other). So after that, he stopped talking to me for about two and a half weeks and I couldn’t get him out of my head but I was moving on until one day he suddenly texted me again asking “how are you?” and it gave me hope. Now I’m wishing I had never responded, but back then I still didn’t know any better and didn’t see all the red flags I now notice when I look back. But I ended up responding and he proceeded to text me and flirt like before. Then a few days later, he would stop again for some time and then start back up. Basically it was all on his terms and when he was in the mood to talk to me and sext. I remained hopeful that something will actually happen between us even though I should have known my self-worth and not allowed him to treat me this way. This guy knew I had feelings for him because I told him. And I feel like all he did was take advantage. He never had any interest in hanging out with me, just texting. Well things got out of hand and really bad and eventually he stopped talking to me and turned into a cold heartless jerk, which is a huge disappointment because I saw him as a completely different person and a nice guy. I would ask him what’s wrong and he would ignore me. His words and actions do not match at all, he’s very moody and unstable, he also drinks a lot. He became hard to communicate with. Eventually I finally got the strength to delete him from social media to be able to move on. And he ended up blocking my number just a few days ago (because sometimes I miss him and don’t have self-control and drunk text him to try and talk to him like we used to), so we literally do not have any communication, but the problem is I still see him at work and have to interact with him. So how do I move on from this without quitting my job? I like my job and my co-workers. I used to enjoy going to work every day but now I dread it and end up breaking down. I don’t know how to move on from someone that I have to see every day. I’ve always just been able to move on by cutting contact and not seeing the person. So I feel stuck and miserable. I feel humiliated because he completely used me to get what he wanted and then started treating me crappy. I’m still hurt because I have so many questions and can’t get any closure because he would never tell me anything when I did try to talk to him. I can’t even get my mind around that he managed to get into and last in a relationship for five years being the way that he is.

And thank you

reason to believe

That's complicated. I would have advised that no one should ever start an intimate relationship with someone where you still have to see them in your world in case of breaking up after, but that's too late here. I understand how he did that to you in a short time, cause most people like having the feeling of someone liking them and seeming to care about them. So its confusing when they didn't seem to care after all. People are confusing to me, I'm sorry this happened to you, and maybe that's a part of why he was broken up with his GF? In any way, the only thing you can do in this painful situation is to either ask for a re-assignment to a different work department, location? Or try to compartmentalize him and mentally separate him from the personal part to seeing him as only the professional man who is in this professional place while you are there.

I'm not good at figuring out how to move on from things like this though! So I'm similar boat as you when it comes to finding it hard to be in a place that reminds you of someone you can't have a friendship/relationship with anymore! (in my case, its actually )

I have had no coffee and I have a small headache from it, so sorry if this sounds all weird and no real good to you. But I empathize with you for the sad, painful hurt you are feeling

Chris

I'm sorry you're going through this. It must be hard when you still have to interact with him on a daily basis. Is a re-assignment possible as Leanne suggested? Otherwise you'll just have to do your best to deal with him as little as possible and keep it as professional as possible. Maybe one of your friends at work can help run interference for you?


My meeting at the bank was rather boring, but I guess it's good to know that we're on the same page.

Awesome Nerds

Afternoon all

a fine mess

I'm sorry for your hardship; it doesn't sound easy to get past and it will take time. I hope it will get better for you.

I had to get a new key card to my school building at work. It just suddenly stopped working so I drove to HR to get a replacement. The new key card will take a few days to work though. Today I had to wait for another teacher to arrive to open the door for me. I'll probably have to do the same tomorrow!

Nostalgic Heart

Thanks everyone. I usually tell myself not to get involved with co-workers but this one just happened so quick. I didn't even see it coming. Unfortunately a reassignment is not possible. We work in a small psych hospital and he's also one of the trainers for different things.

L i N d $ @ y

Thanks for sharing your story. Tbh, I saw red flags already when you said that he had a gf. Were you aware that they were in a long relationship? I've been really wary of guys who are on a rebound even if they're genuinely interested. You can't blame yourself for falling with your co-workers, it happens. I think the best thing to do is just get on with your life, surround yourself with your friends, go out and have fun and meet other boys. It's okay to be hurt right now but you'll get over it eventually.

Why is Easter break so boring when you live in the city? On Saturday, all malls will be closed. What am I going to do on Saturday? In our country, we don't usually celebrate Easter with like easter egg hunting or something. We usually have a mass (early morning usually, as early as 5AM in some churches) then just spend the day with the family and eat. There would be some easter egg hunting at the malls for the kids but us adults would just like to eat.

Nostalgic Heart

I was aware that he had a gf, but I had no idea getting into it how long they were together and how long they have been broken up for. When I found out, I tried to slowly back away but it was too late. I was too caught up into it and my feelings for him.

reason to believe

OMG this final half hour of two classes. They are the worst for noise level. I can't believe both teachers are ok with the noise level in the library for 30 minutes of personal torture on my ears. So much for libraries being quiet places to read, apparently! I had to resort to ear plugs, good thing I carry them permanently in my bag now! But come on!!!! Glad they are leaving... but so nuts!!!!

I think for the rest of my day it will be relatively quiet for me! (E.T.A.) after I wrote this and thought it was over, a teacher and students came in here to do tests for playing the ukulele! Ugh.

YAY!!!! last day of work now for 4 days!!!!

How's everyone's Thursday!

And any Easter holiday plans this long weekend!??

a fine mess

We had a staff meeting after work today. I was here thinking I rather go home than go on an Easter egg hunt with other teachers. But it ended up being quite fun! I got several jeans passes, some Girl Scouts cookies, a Half Price Books gift card [teachers love to get free books], a Sonic drink of my choice provided by the principal, and several 'coupons' for my principal to watch my class during recess to give me a break. I can just imagine my principal watching my preschoolers with special needs. A lot of teachers would love to see her watch my class too. They offered to give me their 'coupons'. Many teachers know how tough it is and tell me they could not pay them enough to teach my class. Especially my morning class who have significantly low cognition skills - I am constantly sweating during those 3 hours. I'd take the students who are cognitively delayed over the behavioral ones who throw tantrums, bite, push, throw things at people and across the room, hit, pull hair, scream loudly and nonstop, etc. I teach some students who fit that description but I am thankful most do not. Or even ones who hit their head on things (I have one student who does that). In my short time as a full-time teacher, I have seen so much.

However, despite these hardships, teaching Special Education has been immensely rewarding and has allowed me to be even more accepting of differences and my patience level has improved tremendously. In some ways, and it depends on the situation, I have always been very patient. It has also helped maintain my positive attitude towards life and my willingness to face challenges. Anything is possible if you believe! And what matters most is what I have been told by parents. One mom told us that because of what we've been doing in my classroom that they are able to take their child to eat at a restaurant. How can that not just warm your heart? What we are doing matters, even if that progress is slow. We are making a difference. Other parents have told me similar things, that they see great progress in their child since being in the program.

reason to believe

That's cool, Cece! You scored with the Easter egg hunt rewards! Wow, and you sure work hard at your job with the special needs students. I don't know how the teachers are able to get tantrums and violent kids under control cause no adult seems to be allowed to touch the students so it seems like sometimes, the tantrum-er can just do what they want til they calm down? Only in extreme cases have I seen a couple of adults actually pick up a kid to take them to a quiet separate room.

Ok, I got big, good family news today! My little sister got engaged in London today! for her and it's a good guy she is marrying. (But now I'm already super nervous she will ask me to be a maid of honour or a bridesmaid and I'm hoping she doesn't ask me cause I have no skills to organize anything or be a part of a group of women who have to dress up and "do stuff" ?? I'd rather just stand in the side and be a wedding watcher. But I'm her only Sister!)

L i N d $ @ y

I am so bored already. Next year I'm going to travel during Easter break.

Nostalgic Heart - you'll get over it eventually. It'll be hard since you see him at work but it's possible.

Leanne - congrats to your sister on the engagement!

Awesome Nerds

Why you bored dear

Nostalgic Heart

Thanks Lindsay

Chris

Cece - sounds like you really cleaned up at the Easter egg hunt

Leanne - congrats to your sister!

Lindsay - where do you think you'll go?

Rose & Nostalgic Heart

It's been a lovely, sunny day here so I've spent some time outside. I was sitting out in the sun and hubby had the garage door open. A robin flew in! then tried to get out the closed window. There was a bit of a thud so I worried if it was okay. Thankfully it managed to get turned back around and fly out the door.