[sunnykerr]

Oh, everything is always a work in progress with me.

I mean, that's life, right?

Every time I think I've mastered something, it gets harder for me.

That's how I know I'm getting better, because the challenges get bigger.

I mean, life is supposed to be hard, at least some of the time.

It's how we know that we need to learn stuff.

[There You'll Be]

Yeah, I get frustrated being tested, and I tend to give up trying.

It's good it works for you to keep trying.

See, that always seemed like insanity to me. That things get harder to show I've grown.

Yeah, it's true, it does get hard sometimes.

A lot of times it seems to me.

It just seems like I shut down the more things get hard-like rebellion for me?

That I resent being taught that way.

[sunnykerr]

Maybe I didn't express myself correctly.

I didn't mean to say that things get harder and that's how we know we are getting better.

I just meant that things don't get easier, which is how we know we are getting better.

The things we want, the ones we really want, like patience and understanding...

Those things aren't set in stone.

It's not like school where, if you passed all your exams, you go to the next grade and you never have to learn that stuff ever again.

Patience, peace, understanding, love, friendship, etc.

They're all things we need to work at, all the time.

It's more like a garden that you need to keep tending.

So there's always work, which means we are getting better, because we keep learning.

[There You'll Be]

See, I personally think things get harder to teach us things.

It feels that way to me, anyway.

I liked school.

I liked the kudos and the finished with things feeling.

And knowing there was an end in sight. Something that had a final result.

Not repeating the same grade over and over.

Yeah, I do get what you are saying.

I just prefer my lessons done and over with.

[sunnykerr]

I loved school, in a way.

I mean, the whole social part was horrendous.

But I loved learning. I loved mastering things and knowing that I knew them.

For me, though, that's just not the point of life.

Like, when you're done learning in life... aren't you dead?

I mean, I'd love it if things were easier, of course.

Wouldn't anyone?

But... I'd rather keep learning.

[There You'll Be]

Socially I think we had different experiences for sure.

School work/classes it seems we both kind of felt the same way.

Yeah, I just think there should come a point where you're stopped painfully being taught lessons to "grow and change" .

It gets to be too much for me.

I'm tired of learning.

I don't want to be dead, but I don't see the point of having pain and difficulty inflicted.

That's just my view, all things considered.

We are obviously thinking much differently on that front.

[sunnykerr]

I get wanting the non-fun of learning and growing to end.

To me, though, that just sounds like what happened to my grandmother when she got Alzheimer's.



Believe me, I don't take any pleasure in the ups and down of having to learn everything over and over again.

That's why I say that I understand what you're saying.

It just seems to me to be... just the way things are.

[There You'll Be]

I just feel like there is this being in charge, and that it's up to the "being" to decide what to put upon a person.

That's why I feel the stuff is being "inflicted" upon me.

And I don't like it, so I choose to not grow from it.

Not like I used to when I wasn't so tired, and sick.

I just don't have the energy anymore. Still don't want to suffer more or die.

Yeah, I used to feel that way-that it's just the way things are.

I just changed over time.

I'm hoping for the best for you, always, so I am glad that you accept that it's part of life, and a process.

[sunnykerr]

I also believe in a god, Kimmie.

Just not one who punishes people by having them go through life.

I don't believe any deity created illness or war or hardship.

We do that ourselves.

Or, you know, some stuff is just part of having a physical life as well as a spiritual one.

That's also why I don't believe it's god making things hard or easy on us.

Besides, if any deity out there could actual control our lives that way, I'd rather they put their efforts on stopping hunger and poverty than on controlling my life.

I may be tired of having to learn some lessons over and over again, but I'm still doing much better than a whole lot of people on this planet.

[sunnykerr]

I also believe in a god, Kimmie.

Just not one who punishes people by having them go through life.

I don't believe any deity created illness or war or hardship.

We do that ourselves.

Or, you know, some stuff is just part of having a physical life as well as a spiritual one.

That's also why I don't believe it's god making things hard or easy on us.

Besides, if any deity out there could actual control our lives that way, I'd rather they put their efforts on stopping hunger and poverty than on controlling my life.

I may be tired of having to learn some lessons over and over again, but I'm still doing much better than a whole lot of people on this planet.

[There You'll Be]

Okay, I wasn't positive, and I didn't want to assume.

That's where I think we disagree, about why things happen.

I definitely didn't create the illnesses and health issues in my life, so we definitely differ in our belief there.

Now hardship, that's another thing. I agree that I don't see much of the positive any more.

I think I've lost touch with the spiritual side of myself, that you seem to have a much stronger believe and faith in.

Yeah, I don't like comparing myself to people who have it harder.

I don't have the energy to worry about anyone I don't know, and what they're going through.

It's like, right now, I'm torn in what I believe. I go back and forth on seeing my life as a positive thing.

It's like talking to you, my mind starts to go back to the positive side.

I just can't see any point to the suffering, overwhelming diseases I have, and pain I go through.

That's why I say "inflicted" .

[sunnykerr]

No, you didn't create your illnesses or issues.

That's the part I was saying is what happens to us by virtue of having physical bodies.

I don't think god has anything to do with illnesses.

That's physical stuff, not spiritual.

Two different worlds.

I mean, obviously that's not how you see it.

And this isn't me trying to make you see things differently than you do.

I'm just saying that, when we found out I had this thing on my brain that can't be removed, it never occured to me to think god was to blame.

And I wasn't referencing people who have it worse to make you feel bad or guilty or whatever.

It's just how I give context to my own life.

That other people have it worse doesn't mean our own problems aren't important.

But, to me, it just highlights that I have options and benefit from the world's best science.

[There You'll Be]

See, I believe God created the whole human being.

That the physical body is something he made for us, and I've always read to treat it like a temple.

That's just what I was brought up believing.

Not right for everyone, I just think God allows for things to affect us. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

Oh I know- I didn't meant for that to come across that you were trying to make me feel or believe anything.

It makes sense to me that that is how you find context in your life.

I also think science is sketchy, so I don't put my hope in that, really at all.

I'd like to, I just don't.

[sunnykerr]

I also believe we come from God, but I think the difference there is that I also believe our biological parents had something to do with our physical body.

Hence why we have their good and bad genes.

I was also raised to treat the physical body as a temple, eat well, exercise and all that.

Because, if you don't, it collapses on you.

Hence why some people have heart disease or cavities or get obese.

It's like if God gave us a house, but we're the ones who have to maintain it.

God's not responsible for the fact that a roof (or the physical body) only lasts so long.

Anyway, I don't personally find the two mutually exclusive, that's all.

Just like I don't find science sketchy at all.

It's thanks to science that I'm alive today, that my brother is alive today, that my father knows how to manage his diabetes, that my sister-in-law is expecting her first baby...

[There You'll Be]

So we have a lot in common, we just don't agree on where our physical selves came from.

True-I believe the same thing-it's us who has to maintain our bodies.

That's where we differ-I think God has hand in every single thing in everyone's lives, and you think Earthly things have to do with it.

Am I getting that right? Or am I lost with what you're thinking?

That's good-that you feel that way about science.

It makes sense for you and your lives.