There You'll Be

I'm like that too. And yep, if people notice, it's too late to stop it, and it usually gets more tears.

I'm having one of those days where I just can't get out of my head and my heart, and dwelling on things I wish I'd done differently.

Meliana

I have days like that too, Kim. Self-destructive thoughts are very difficult to deal with. I find it is helpful to forgive yourself for past decisions. I take a deep breath and think I can't change anything, and I need to accept myself for who I am. We can put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, but that's unrealistic. We can all do with giving ourselves a break.

I don't like crying in front of people either Leanne. I never used to cry much, but as soon as I got pregnant I started crying really easily, and that's not changed since.

There You'll Be

It's so much easier for me to forgive others, rather than myself. I'll work on it though.

I got told I cry too much. Too bad, that's what I feel.

reason to believe

Yeah, I'll have to keep it in mind, Kim. now I'm really nervous about my car commutes.

I'm just focusing on my breathing remaining calm. If I breathe calm, then I'm calm.

Meliana

Would playing happy music in the car help, Leanne?

There You'll Be

^ that sounds like a good idea to consider.

Sorry for all the change and fear you're dealing with Leanne. I'm around.

reason to believe

Claire, I think happy music would help if I'm singing along to it so it could work. So far, I think I'm too tired from a short nights sleep to bother crying

BlondieLeigh

Had my worst day in a long time today.

sunnykerr

Hang in there.

LLamacorn In Training

So I had my Endo appointment yesterday.

It didn't go expect.. After the exciting approval of being able to go on the brand new insulin when she gets samples, and talking about to ending up crying my eyes out to my Endo and her putting me on depression meds. She put her hand on my shoulder and rubbed my shoulder. "You're not a mess up. We will get this taken care of. Your fear is ketones." As she hands me kleenex. I told her how "You know how we go through seasons. I think I'm at that season again like before.

(When I was with her before, I had these insecurities and everything in between and my depression was bad. She was there beside me during every step. I was with her before I moved and then it was too far of a travel. I started back with her this past March. She is still the ever so loving and supportive Endocrinologist I've ever had.)

I told her "I hate food, but I have to eat. I can go 15 or so hours without food. And then when I do want to eat I'm not hungry. I feel my Diabuliemia is back, like in the past. I had gotten over the hurdle, but my Diabulemia is back."

I absolutely love my Endo. She said she normally doesn't prescribe depression medication. She was like "But with what you're telling me today, I'll prescribe you some. We will get bgs under control and everything will come into place. I promise."

When the nurse came to give me paperwork she was like "Are you okay? She said you were crying, but that she didn't say why when asked which is completely understandable, it's between the two of you." I simply said "Yes. I'm fine, Dr. S is just amazing, and just somethings of the past have resurfaced." The nurse said "I hope things get better soon."

Like when I was with her in the past I was horrible and I had my Diabuliema and I think it's back. https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/diabulimia-5

I'm not battling it as bad as I was, but I constantly have ketones, and my bgs have crept up to the high 200s again. Before, when I was with her before there was a solid case of bgs in the 300 - 500s. And yes; parts of me doesn't eat for 15 hours because of the ketone fear, because of the fear of food and I told her how yes, I could be hungry in that moment, prepare a meal and then suddenly after I prepare it I'm not hungry and I can't eat. Like I become physically sick to my stomach and am unable to eat. We talked about when I see my GI specialist because I could possibly have Abdominal Neuropathy plus other stuff to look for. She said because of the 15 hour gap in not eating it causes the ketones. We adjusted a lot of my settings to where I could hopefully stop the potential lows. Though we really know there's not a way to stop a low with Hashimoto's. She put me on the lowest dose of Wellbutrin. She asked if I was seeing anyone about this mess like a therapist and I told her no but I could possibly find one it's just a matter of stupid insurance. That's when she said "I don't normally do this at all, but with what you're telling me I will do this for you."

What I'm thinking the reason why the nurse asked if I was okay because my Endo said I was crying is she was running late into another patient and so I'm assuming she said "Sorry I had to talk to her, she was crying and she needed someone just to talk with." Or something like that. That's the only thing I can think of.

I normally have wonderful numbers no issues, but I'm stuck in this season right now and I know I will overcome it.

reason to believe

Sorry about all that, Mandie. I know you get through this season! Hang tough! Health can be such a struggle physically and mentally.

sunnykerr

Hang in there, Mandie.

LLamacorn In Training

Thanks Sunny and Leanne

sunnykerr

When you know you're dealing with depression, it opens up the possibility of realizing that not everything you're feeling is real. It doesn't change the weight of the burden. But it does mean that you know that it's not your fault. Depression is an illness. Like diabetes.

You know what happens when your blood glucose is off. The same happens with your brain. It's just harder to pinpoint the exact cause. But you can recognize the effects.

reason to believe

just watching the episode of Buffy where she says the quote for this thread and thought it sounded familiar forgot it was from Buffy