jediwands

You tried. I think deep down you knew what it'd be like but you still were kind and hung around them. At least you made an appearance. Did Teresa go with you?

Jerry D

No, she was smart and she didn't go!

I got back in time to ring in the New Year with her.

I get sad sometimes because the closest thing I have to friends down here are my loudmouth drunken neighbors.

I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Teresa and this board.

secretk

We do have different ideas of what is cold and what not .

It's hardcore alcohol like say whiskey. There is nothing soft in the taste. I would say it is also similar to vodka.

In general I am a person that appreciates small favors that people do for me. Maybe because I am not the type of person that does favors for everyone. Maybe because I am raised that way, but I am taught to appreciate the small things people do for me. One thing that he did struck me. We were in the tram with him and the other guy and I realized that I had forgotten my wallet at work. I was supposed to pay in cash for my laptop and it was a lot of money so I would lock my wallet when I was at work. However I forgot it there and I had no money with me and I had nothing to eat so I needed money to get something.

I realized this just when we were reaching M's station to leave the tram. So he immediately told me you just realized this on time (implying most probably the fact that he was supposed to get off), then he gave me money no questions asked. The other guy did not even try to offer me something. M took the lead and basically showed that he would take care of this. Because of this he missed his station. I told him that it's his station and he was like I know and still did nothing. Now it's not a problem for him to get off on the next station, but it was also perfectly OK to tell the other guy that he has to leave and ask him to lend me the money. It's not like there was no one else that could have helped me. He just wanted to be the person to do it.

Admit it. You want to know why M thinks that the French suck . He actually had lots of reasons to leave both the team and the company. He did this because he planned to leave the company actually. I knew this even though he never said anything to me. In the end he decided to not leave the company so this is why he was in a delicate situation. He was completely demotivated to work actually. Putting him in the joined team with the French did not help matters either.

However to sum up those are the reasons:

1. The team had to follow different process of working. A new one that relied on lots of meetings. M hates meetings. In his eyes they slow him down. He is the type of person to say "Let's finish the meeting and start working".
2. The process relied on twisted team work. Basically every task had to be split in smaller tasks that had to be handled between 4-5 people. M hates that. He wants to be able to work independently.
3. Due to the twisted team work everyone in the team was supposed to be able to do everything. M had no issues with writing code, but he had issues when they asked him to be only tester for 2 weeks. He has no interest to be tester.
4. Then on top of that they decided that he will do the presentation demo. Every 2 week there is a meeting with the stakeholders where someone has to present everything they accomplished in those two weeks. It's in English. This was the last straw for him.
5. The team was slow and inefficient. He hates to work with slow people.
6. The French would boss him around. Every time he wanted to share something he knew about the project, they would ignore him and then waste his time in 30 minutes discussion in a meeting.
7. Again M has problems with authority. He does not like when incompetent people boss him around and he did not think that they are competent.
8. On top of that the boss wanted M to fight his battles and argue with the French for stuff M does not believe in.

And then let's add to this other issues he had like:

1. The jerk trying to boss him around
2. The boss trying to boss him around
3. Having to deal with specific issues where he knows what is the core problem but the boss and the jerk does not allow him to fix the core problem. They actually ignore his insights and tell him that he is wrong.
4. The others in the team were also slow and he did not feel like being the only one that does the work.

So is that enough for you ?

When do you think that Kris become more assertive? I feel like Kris and I are very similar in a lot of aspects.

Ah this is so cute! I bet that Anna and Sara appreciate this about him!

I see what you are saying. They see beautiful girl and they expect her to be feminine and like you said soft spoken and generally nice. They do not expect her to be that assertive and bold.

secretk

Ah Jerry so sorry that you feel this way ! One thing you could be always sure that Teresa and this board will be always here for you! We can't change your stupid neighbors but we will be here for you!

Jerry D

Thanks Koni! I appreciate it!

It's really cold here right now (for here anyway) It's 30 Degrees F! That's very unusual for here. The houses here really aren't built for the cold, so some houses get burst pipes in weather like this.

jediwands

Teresa always knows the right thing to do... she knew not to go there and she stopped watching Dawson's Creek at the precise time that we should have walked away as well.

It's too bad some of your neighbors are not as decent, kind and down to earth as you are. What are the wives/girlfriends like of these neighborhood guys? Does Teresa get along with them?

jediwands

Haha, we do.

Oh okay, got it.

I have never gotten along with hard stuff. I remember one time in college I was drinking a screwdriver which is orange juice and vodka. The drink tastes so good obviously due to the orange juice. Well, I drank way too much without even realizing it until it was too late. I was so inexperienced and just stupid this one night. I got so drunk and really sick. I was hugging the toilet hours later and felt like I had the flu for two days. It was awful. That was the one and only time I've ever had hard stuff, let alone gotten really drunk for that matter. Awful experience.

That was definitely very nice of him. He certainly helped you without pause, going out of his way to assist you. Very kind gesture.

Guilty.

I LOVE the detailed explanation. I like M more now too.

Seriously, I can see why this bothered the sht out of him. He's a Sage, right? I was thinking about my mom as a Sage and she never would have been in that situation for long either for all the reasons M was fed up, especially how slow they are.

You two definitely are.

She became more assertive when she officially moved out after graduating from college and just had to be independent and do things on her own. She bought a condo with a good friend, that was the first place she lived on her own. During this time she became more assertive. However the second time period she really became assertive was when she was pregnant with Anna so basically when she became a mother. When she had children, being assertive just came very naturally for her.

They do. Scot is an Aries. He might be loud and blunt at times (to be honest, sometimes I love when he's loud and blunt because he says things I wouldn't dream of saying out loud ) but man he loves his children. He has a feminine side to him like I mentioned before... he cooks, he cleans... he never misses a school event or soccer game. He also has heart to hearts with them, too. He's truly a unique dad. I've told him this before too.

Bingo.

secretk

Ah this sucks . Yes stuff like orange juice and coke could mask the alcohol taste. Problem is I don't drink that stuff either. I like only water and sparkling water. And drinking such alcohol with only water is really hardcore.

Exactly! The other difference that I saw is that in general he likes to leave the office early. Before 6 pm, preferably around 5:30 pm. He does not like to stay till late. The other guy and I tend to stay more. In the past he would tell me directly "I am waiting for you 15 minutes and then I leave" and I respect that. Well when I had this workshop thing I knew that we would stay till later. Naturally I told him that I know that he won't wait for me so I will talk to the other guy and he was like "Nah, I will wait for you, just tell me till how long".

He also censors himself around me more. He could be quite blunt and argumentative. With me he does not do that. For example I told him that I have to find someone to install Windows on the laptop. He was surprised that I need someone else to do it and I told him that I have never installed Windows on a computer and I prefer if someone else does it. He was like "OK, if that is how you prefer it". For any other co-worker he would have proceeded to explain how this is simple, how we should be able to do it etc. With me he just accepts it and moves on the next topic.



Really he had lots of reasons to feel demotivated. I would have been too in his place.

Yes, he is a Sage . He can't stand slow and inefficient people. He has almost zero tolerance to that or very low. I need to balance him out sometimes and basically explain that not all people are smart like him. He spots slow, inefficient and incompetent people super fast. It's useful quality if you want to know how the people you hire perform. It's bad for him because he gets frustrated with people a lot . He expects of them and he does not have the position to be allowed to.

For example he likes a lot how a newcomer performs in the team. However he is quite shy guy and prefers to work alone. He would always assign to himself some really difficult bugs and it would take him say a week to solve them but that's normal as most people would not be able to fix the bugs at all, let alone by themselves. The boss however did not like how quiet and shy the guy was so he wanted to let go of him. M got frustrated with this. O had to help M's case and argue with the boss that they need to keep the guy around.

Another guy is performing also really good. He is the same position as O, M and P, but he gets paid more. M knows this and does not care. However he wanted for the company to raise this guy's salary as he is performing really good in just his first months. The boss refused to do it and specifically lowered scores that M and another guy did for this guy.

That bothers him and is normal. We now have some really good guys in the team that you could rely on but the boss and the jerk do not want to admit this and basically reward those guys properly because of other personal reasons that we find stupid. One because he was too shy and quiet. The other because had the audacity to negotiate and get more money out of them when they hired him.

That sounds a lot like me. I now think I know why. I think both mine and hers assertiveness is thanks to our second function Extroverted Thinking and this function takes time to develop. I am sure that what you hear now from Kris is something she had always thought, she did not have the ability to express it early in her life.

Actually it makes complete sense if you ask me. Kris and Scot do not fall into the stereotypical relationship when you know the mother cooks and goes to school events and the father works long hours to provide for the family. Obviously kids need both roles, but they are not always gender appointed. And in their case they found great balance!

Jerry D

That's true!

They're not bad people per se, but they're just loudmouth drunks who hang out with each other to have someone to drink with. They all talk trash about anyone who isn't there. Most of their wives usually don't come out but the few ones that do are basically as obnoxious as their husbands are. Teresa never really comes out to hang out with any of them because she would just rather read and hang out with Goldie.

secretk

Hm I kind of notice general trend that in your country is colder than what you are used to for this season anywhere. You, Betty and Michelle all share similar things. Obviously the temperatures are different, but nevertheless you all experience colder weather than usual.

It was like that for us last year. We had unusual low temperatures as well as unusual snow. At least compared to the last 5/6 years.

I hope that it won't get that bad for us this year. Fingers crossed that soon this would end for you as well!

jediwands

Back then my stomach wasn't nearly as sensitive as it is now so I could handle the OJ. Yes, the taste of the orange juice is all I tasted and that was the problem because it tasted good.

That's good. Sounds like you have a great back and forth with communication both in and out of the office.

This sounds a lot like my mom, only she was less blunt about it out in the open, lol. But she would complain about stuff when she got home from work. However, at times if something happened at work that she did not like, she was not afraid to speak her mind right then. Her mind was sharp as a tack.

Kris has definitely said as much.

I think the balance and non-traditional gender roles have helped Anna and Sara significantly with their confidence and what they even search for in a guy too. They do not want a traditional relationship in the least, they are seeking an equal partnership. They are definitely looking for that unique guy that cooks, cleans, and isn't afraid to show emotions as well. It's definitely a good thing that they refuse to settle since they understand there are guys out there like their father and Grandfather that will see an equal partnership and will cook them dinner, help them with the house, etc.

jediwands

Sucks that the wives aren't like Teresa. Goldie definitely appreciates it though, lol.

Yes, it seems like you have to catch these guys at the right time... early on during a football game, not late in the second half when they're liquored up, for example. It's too bad they have to always correlate hanging out with drinking too much.

secretk

It does mask the alcohol taste. Actually even as a kid I avoided any kind of drink different than water or sparkling water. I think that I have had even then stomach issues enough to not like such drinks. I was too young to realize that reason for the avoidance.

Yep .

Were those the usual areas she would complain about?

You know I have this idea in my head about the Kris/Scot dynamics that I have to share with you. Feel free to tell me that I am talking out of my a$$ and I am completely wrong! I feel like they have found great balance together. I even would say that it was meant for them to be together so that they could teach other stuff you know. I feel like Kris is the smarter one, the more focused one, the more organized one while Scot is the Extrovert one, the one with the broad perspective, most probably more going with the flow and being flexible. I feel like Kris became maybe more assertive also due to Scot's influence considering he is Extrovert. On the other hand I feel that Scot most probably began to reflect more and focus more thanks to Kris. He helped her (though I believe that you balance Kris in this as well) to get in touch with maybe also her affectionate and feminine side. However I think that Scot while maybe more at ease at being affectionate and attentive is by no means wussy or weak. Like you said he is Aries, he could be blunt and direct.

Again feel free to tell me that I am way off base, but I feel that Kris and Scot have this equal relationship that goes beyond the stereotypes and the genders. It's more about being in tune and synchronized, completing each other and maybe even helping each other. And that is great. Not a lot of people have the luck to be part of such relationship. At least this is the kind of relationship I would want for myself (if any). It explains why I prefer to be alone than not having such dynamic.

You totally have a point here. Anna and Sara have great women role models in the face of you and Kris. Both of you do not fall into the stereotypical female ideal. Combine this with their born personality (I do believe that we are born with specific personality traits) and you get what they are now. Plus they are also new generations kids. New generation have different spiritual level compared to old ones.

I am from the generation that questions the traditions and sets up the ground work for the new generation. I am from the generation that fights for the change. The new generation is the one that gets to experience the change. I have known since long time my spiritual purpose on Earth. I know that it sounds convoluted, weird and maybe even arrogant, but I just feel it. The same I feel their role here. Their role is to live in this new world where the stereotypes are changing. They are here to live in equal man/woman relationship where the roles are not gender defined, but based on mutual understanding, agreement and sometimes even based on free time.

jediwands

When I was younger I couldn’t drink anything that was artificially flavored. Kool-Aid was a popular American drink for kids. I loved it. Unfortunately my stomach couldn’t tolerate it.

Yes, overall. She also despised gossip. She disliked when coworkers would talk about others for the fun of it. She hated that. She never told people off for it but would complain at home about how backstabbing people could be and she wished more work got done instead of petty crap.


I’m amazed and not just telling you that. When I read your thoughts it was like you have been reviewing the relationship between my sister and brother-in-law for years. I am not kidding! What you described makes tons of sense and I think you are bang on. So much so, I feel like sharing this with my sister because I would bet money she would be amazed too and totally agree. Nice job!

That’s incredible. How long have you felt like you’ve known your spiritual purpose?

secretk

Ah this sucks . What kind of effects you would get from it?

Makes sense . I dislike gossip too unless it might help me for something. For example knowing that a co-worker is going through divorce might help me seeing why they are distracted. But overall I dislike gossiping. Once a female co-worker really annoyed me. Well she always annoys me because she is into gossip and she gets along with the HR and when they are together they are insufferable. Anyway when she found out who from the French office will be in our joined team she annoyed me 10 minutes during lunch to tell me how sexy he is. I so do not care. I work with him, I am not in a relationship with him. They even bothered M last year to tell him how he is lucky to have such sexy boss. He was like he is not my boss and I do not care if you find him sexy or not .

It's the image I have had in my head for years. I just had to share my vision. But that is how I always see them when you mention Kris and Scot. I always have this vision about them in my head.

Maybe 5 or 6 years ago my mother told me that she heard about Indigo children and she thinks that I am one. She said that what they described as Indigo child fits in with me perfectly.

And this the purpose of the Indigo Children - https://innerself.com/content/person...l-mission.html. This is another link about their purpose - Indigo Children are Not Here to Challenge us, but to Teach us. And another link - https://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/c...a_indigo30.htm