jediwands

That sucks. Did they get it fixed in a timely manner?

Sounds perfect! I could have handled that too. What time did you guys leave?

LOL! Exactly so we can consider them as lacking complex thought, they can call us boring, it works. LOL

How did you realize what your boss and the jerk were up to concerning M? Did your boss tell you M was in the doghouse and then you went to M and you guys figured out a way to put the Trio Cult in their place or how did that work during that evaluation time period when they wanted to fire M?

Definitely! I even fell asleep before it turned to 2018, lol.

Right. Anna doesn't judge others that go to parties and/or experiment with drinking alcohol either. It's just not for her. She will not tell people to not drink or go to parties but at the same time, she better not be told she's in the wrong for not partying and drinking either because she will tell people politely to shove it, lol. She has before actually. A guy in one of her classes asked her why he didn't see her at a certain party one weekend. She told him it's not her thing. He told her she needs to live a little. She told him she lives just fine, she doesn't need alcohol and partying to live. He shut up pretty quickly, lol.

My sister and brother-in-law haven't influenced her either. Like, they haven't remotely preached that she cannot drink, etc. Not at all. They've always talked about being responsible, etc. It is Anna and Anna alone who has made her own decisions about drinking and parties. She just has no interest in drinking. She has attended small group parties but anything wild involving heavy drinking and she'll never attend.

Exactly. That is Anna.

secretk

Nah. This was every winter. It would get better once the winter ends. Luckily we don't have the temperatures you have. Otherwise we could have had some health issues.

We left the bar around 2:20 am. At first one of the girls had an idea to go to another club, but we could not find one so in the end we took the subway and basically got home.

Yes. Neither is right or wrong. It's a matter of incompatibility.

It was a series of perceptions and conversations I had.

1. I knew that there is conflict between the jerk and M that started earlier in 2017
2. In series of conversations I have witnessed I sensed that my boss and the jerk do not react well to M's expressing his opinions
3. There was conflict between the boss and M as M left the joined with French team without notifying the boss. Even back then he received threats for firing
4. In a conversation I had with my boss I gave him my brief opinion on M, P and O. I told him that M is overall the best out of the three because he is the quickest, the most decisive one, the one that learns new things the fastest, the one that knows both areas of our project. My boss said something like "that might be true but I still don't want him as he is conflicting person". I don't remember his exact words, but I was left with the impression my boss is totally OK with M leaving the team due to personal reasons and not because of M's technical performance.
5. During M's evaluation they threatened him yet again 3 times with firing. Then the jerk directly accused M of reporting the jerk to his bosses. It was clear that they wanted M to take the blame for the fact that the higher management has started initiative against the jerk.

M and I obviously discussed his evaluation on the evening while we were traveling to home. I needed the night to come up with strategy for myself. I saw during the evaluation that M is not afraid to argue with the jerk and even threaten him. M told the jerk that he had not gone to his boss but now he challenges him to go there. He told the jerk that he is unprofessional. Overall I saw that he is ballsy. I realized that I need this. I also knew that technical wise I need his expertise too.

So I spent the night planning my strategy. I knew that my evaluation would go two ways:

1. They attack me the way they did with M. In that case I knew that I will call directly the jerk's boss .
2. They act nice with me and try to manipulate me

I had to come up with strategy for both scenarios. I also did not know what M would do. Like I said M is ballsy and has no issues with conflict and I had to be sure that he would not go too far. If he had gone there I might not have been able to keep him in the company and like I said I identified that I need him. So the next day I waited for him to appear in the office and told him in the company chat that I need to talk face to face to him. I told him that I apologize for not defending him during his evaluation but I was not sure what would be the correct strategy and I needed some time to decide for myself. He told me that he could defend himself to which I agreed and then told me that it's OK and he was not sure about his strategy either. I told him that in his place I would have told them to bring the jerk's boss and ask him directly if he had complained to him about the jerk or not. He agreed that this is good strategy. Then I told him that I suggest to wait for my evaluation. If they behave the same way to me as him, I will talk to the jerk's boss (who is the Bulgarian CTO) and my German boss and will go directly against the jerk. M knows how tight I am with the German boss so he agreed to wait for my evaluation. After that I told him that I need him to work on my project and I will make sure to isolate him from the jerk and the boss, but I also need him to keep himself in check and consult with me before doing stuff (like say announcing to French that he leaves the team). I asked him if this works for him, he confirmed. Then I told him that I will give him the freedom to decide who he wants to work with and I trust his judgement on how the team members are performing. He told me who he likes to work the most and I told him that he should feel free to discuss the things with said person because I will trust the two of them to carry out some of the burden of leading the team members.

And we left it at that. We went back to work. This was a conversation we had in a meeting room where none of our team members would see us. So in the next 90 minutes I had my evaluation and he had the talk with this other co-worker. He had texted me that he had talked to this guy and he is OK with this. I texted him back after my evaluation that we need to have another face to face conversation. I told him what went down. He told me that he knows that I do not get along with this another guy so he will work with him and will act as buffer between me and that guy. I agreed to this proposal. And that was it basically.

I was proud of myself because I have never been more direct with my questions and needs to be honest. It's something I need to work on and more.



Wow so awesome how Anna shut him up. Love this about her. See you are saying that is shy, but she definitely knows how to hold herself when the situations calls for it.

Anna is old wise soul. She does not need to be told to not drink. She just knows how she feels about it. Most probably she thinks that people that need alcohol to have fun are the weird ones. I know I feel this way.

Is Sara the same way?

ds44

happy new year

secretk

Happy New Year Shu! All the best for you and your family! What did you do last night?

ds44

I saw a 5pm viewing of the greatest showman and then had pizza while the kids watched alvin and the chipmunks. I also had a nice chat with some friends online after i spoke to family.

It was nice because everyone has been sick all week. My sister is still not eating but we are giving her ensure as a meal replacement.

jediwands

Happy New Year, Shu!

Awe, I hope your sister feels better soon, and everyone else in your family. There is never a fun time to get sick, but at least it's over break so your kiddies can get strong for school. Sounds like you had a terrific time overall.

Any New Year resolutions? There's quite a few flying around in my head. I am going to pick one and try to go with it, lol.

ds44

I like to stick to just a handful each year.

1. To take more time for myself
2. Pray more
3. Write 10,000 words of something beautiful

secretk

Sounds great. Did you like the Greatest Snowman?

Ah sucks that everyone was sick! I hope that sister is getting better soon!

jediwands

Right! It still had to have been uncomfortable at times. Then again, I love the cold so I might have loved feeling kind of cool. LOL

What was the drink of choice for most people? Beer? Wine? Other?

Precisely.

Got it. Makes sense. You really helped him out actually. Does M realize this? Why did M join the French team on his own, btw?

100%. This is Anna and she even has this over me... she is shy, she is reserved, she is not arrogant or showy... < I have all of this as well... however, if you insult her family or her personally in any way, she will very directly respond back. She will NOT tolerate any insult personally or an insult on her family. She will tell the person what she thinks and leave it at that. She does not tell the person to have an open discussion either. She bluntly states her thought and then moves on. An example is a senior guy drooling over Sara. He kept making comments in class and Anna was hearing them. That was the point, he wanted Anna to hear them. Anna is typically friendly with this guy. Anna heard it like three times at which time she turned to him and said he will respect the fact that Sara is her sister and she doesn't appreciate how he's talking about her. She said it directly, not over the top or dramatic, but to the point because she meant business. He apologized and said he wouldn't go there again. She said thanks and that was that. She has gone to bat more than once sticking up for Sara too. It's usually guys that are fools that like her. You just don't mess with family when it comes to Anna (HUGE Capricorn Sun trait) and give her a personal insult she does not like. She will tell you as much. Now, my feelings are the same way as Anna but Anna is way more confident about telling it like it is if that makes sense. I might dance around the situation even if generally people will know how I feel (although sometimes I CAN be direct too) whereas Anna doesn't dance, Anna opens her mouth and tells it like it is.

LOL That's exactly it. I was not right in saying Kris and Scot haven't influenced her when it comes to her not drinking or partying. Of course upbringing has something to do with it as you know. She comes from a loving/supportive family but also a very open family who doesn't preach or talk down to her either. All of these things have influenced her decisions for sure.

Sara does not drink either even if she's more social overall than Anna. Sara would go to a bigger party for example even if she wouldn't be the center of attention, she would hate that. But she would be more open to going to bigger parties. However, Sara does not drink or smoke and is even more blunt about those things too, lol. Sara would be the type to tell someone they are stupid for excessively drinking or smoking, lol. Not in an annoying way but if it's in front of her and someone would tell her to lighten up, Sara would think nothing of telling that person they are idiotic for excessively drinking and smoking because it's stupid.

ds44

I really did. I normally don't like musicals, but this one was so great. It was a lot of fun.

jediwands

Awe, that's a wonderful list.

secretk

True. You could have liked it. I did not .

We had white wine. We also had of course champagne. There was also a typical Bulgarian drink called rakia. We did not have rakia. We decided to stick to the wine .

I do not know whether he realizes it or not because M does not talk about stuff like that. At least not with me. So no words about that. For now I consider his actions as admitting that I helped him. He does what I ask him to do without any complaints. He opens up to me and he does not question my judgment when it comes to work.

He did not join the team on his own. The boss put him there. M told the boss numerous times that he has issues working with this team and in his mind the boss did nothing to help him. In the end he just told all people in the team in their company chat that he is leaving the team. The French tried to talk to him and he refused any discussion on the matter. He basically said "I am either out of the team or out of the company".

Wow! I love this about Anna! Would you say that Kris was the same when she was Anna's age?

Of course Kris and Scot parenting helped! They sound like great parents that a lot of kids would want to have!

Wow gotta love Sara's bluntness. Does she get in trouble because of this? Like do people get offended because of her bluntness?

Jerry D

I went over by the neighbors' last night to ring in the New Year, but it was strange for me because they were all drunk and I wasn't. Needless to say, I didn't stay very long.

Happy New Year everyone!

secretk

Happy New Year to you Jerry! Wow they were drunk at midnight ( I assume you went there around this time)? Gotta hand it to them. They are fast . I so understand why you did not stay long.

jediwands

Right.

What is Rakia like?

I think his behavior is definitely telling that he knows you helped him.

Oh so your boss put him with the French team. Why didn't M like working with the French team? I can imagine, lol, but still wondering, haha.

Overall but Kris was super, super shy and less vocal. Kris really didn't start even having a voice in general until she got older. She was very soft spoken and shy. But I'd imagine if you insult her or family she would have been bolder. Now? Oh she's blunt about stuff like that.

Definitely! Scot is not the typical dad. He has always been highly involved and very affectionate with Anna and Sara too.

Sometimes. She is very sweet, kind, and nice but if she disagrees with something she will let you know. Guys find her highly attractive... she definitely is for her age. She's a beauty. I think they believe with her beautiful features and general look (even if she's athletic, she's still quite thin) that she wouldn't be so bold. Right... she tells it like it is.