m&m fkan

even worse..."someone needs a hug". It's usually someone who I wouldn't want touching me, who says that ****.

Meliana

I remember people telling me to 'chill out'. It tended to me me very angry...

^The phrasing of that is a real problem. It's okay for someone to ask directly if you want a hug, but saying it like that implies condescension, and that they will hug you whether you want them to or not, and they phrase it that way because they know you don't want to.

There You'll Be

I forget people feel helpless when they don't know how to help.

Ugh! "someone needs a hug" is extremely condescending to me. I get why you react the way you do, and wouldn't want them hugging you.

Claire, I just got to your post-it says a lot that we both find it condescending. "chill out" is definitely another trigger phrase.

My messed up sleeping schedule has me depressed. I can't really accomplish things when I'm up in the middle of the night, and then when I sleep most of the next day, I feel it's a wasted day.

sunnykerr

Taking care of yourself is never a waste of a day, Kim. Be kind to yourself. You're doing the best you can already.

m&m fkan

Yeah...I'm not really a hugger....and most people who know me are aware of it. When they say "Someone needs a hug"..the intention is usually to piss me off.

I understand that hugs are generally a good thing, but I am not comfortable with random hugs.

sunnykerr

I get that. Fair enough.

Of course, that only works if the person saying it knows you that well and remembers that you can't stand hugs when they're saying it.

As an example, I am lactose intolerant. My mother, who's spent her whole life memorizing everything that's ever gone wrong with me, once served me ricotta-filled manicoti au gratin. I wasn't living at home at the time, so this was a meal she had to have planned when she knew I was coming over. She had to have given some thought to what she was going to make. And she picked a thing there was no way I could swallow, let alone digest.

Again, I 150% understand getting royally pissed off when someone is saying something like "someone needs a "hug" to be a jerk. How else are you supposed to react?

I'm just saying, people don't always think the way you believe they do.

*KindKennen*

I am usually a hugger but, having a daughter with Asperger's, I know she has hated hugs since she was 12/13. So I have learned to ask people if I can hug them. If I don't know them well. And for some, I need to ask each time because the answer is different each time. Just like I am not all sunshine and happiness or sad and depressed. Some days I don't want hugs......I just don't...I am in too much pain and a hug would make the pain worse...and I don't need anyone to try to cheer me up.

There You'll Be

Sunny, that is a great point-and something I never thought of.

I take it very personally when someone, especially my mother, forgets things like that. Wow. That is huge for me. Thanks for saying that.

sunnykerr

Oh, I take it personally, too. I think that's a normal response. If mothers can't remember stuff about their own kids, who can, right?

But if I'm supposed to think my mother doesn't care for me or is being thoughtless when she makes a "major" mistake like feeding me super-cheesified food, then I'm sorry, but I can't so that. Things like that just happen.

There You'll Be

That is very true. It just gives me a whole new mindset about things-because I took it as people not caring about me. Especially my mother.

I never thought about the things that are on her mind, all she's trying to keep straight in her head, etc. Especially with my brother having been dealing with his illness.

sunnykerr

Mothers are people, too. And they tend to be older than us, too, so... well, speaking about my own mother specifically, her memory isn't what it used to be. It's nothing scary, but she does forget things here and there, for a little bit.

She felt terrible about the manicotti. Couldn't understand how she hadn't realized what she was doing.

There You'll Be

Bringing this over from the Anxiety thread-it has links for mental health services, if it will help anyone. BBC - Information and Support: Mental health

That's so hard-when a mother feels so incredibly bad for a mistake like that, that they have made.

You're right. It's especially true when mothers, like us, seem to be worrying about everything that's going on.

sunnykerr

Thanks for the links.

Of course, I tend to get annoyed when my mother goes on a tailspin of self-recriminations. So there's no winning.

There You'll Be

there is definitely no winning.

You seem to be dealing pretty well with the winter blues. Are you doing okay?

I think with having been out of it for a month, and the warm February, I've had an easier time of it this year.

sunnykerr

I did pretty good with the winter blues this year. I think the trip to Cuba definitely helped. I mean, it cut the winter in half for me.

It's not been an easy week, I have to say. But I think that's just a combination of being sick, being back at work, work stress and the PMSDD all happening at the same time. I'm okay.

How are you?