Sunrise at Midnight

How old is to old to let a kid believe in things like Santa, the tooth fairy, Easter bunny?

Collins

I think, let them believe as long as they want. Eventually they'll get to a stage in life where they still want to believe, but they start seeing things more logically. And by that point, if they're old enough to question if they are real or not, they're probably old enough to accept the honest answer.

MarieSD

I totally agree!

MarieSD

Is this book possibly by
by Ph.D. John Gottman, Joan Declaire and Daniel Goleman or
Shauna Shapiro PhD, Chris White MD, Christine Carter PhD and Dean Ornish MD?

Cadenf

John Gotman PhD, etc

MarieSD

That book has some interesting ideas focusing on emotions. My suggestion is don't forget to set expectation before working on the emotional areas. Children have a way of finding loop holes and in this situation your child could flip the coin and test your emotions and expectations. Remember to be consistent. Don't allow the if-mom-says-no-go-ask-dad game to start.

Cadenf

And I think that is part of the problem. I have to disincline and husband gives in even after I say no. I have had discussions at length about how we need to be a team. So I am at a loss there also.

Sunrise at Midnight

Yes, which is what we did, but my niece is 12 now and she had her soul crushed the other day because my sister finally sat her down and told her. It's hard to explain but because money had been really tight and the gifts that Santa always left we super expensive as in no way could mommy afford them so her belief held strong. It just seems really rotten you know, either way was gonna be a issue...being made fun of for still believing or learning the truth. She's sort of pissed at us for lying and feeling some built because of thing she has asked for ...

MarieSD

Maybe, during your next discussion you write down your expectations and procedures then post them in clear view. Sometimes having a written document, which you have agreed upon, in eyesight helps with the consistency.

Another technique that might help is a sticker chart. You write down your expectations and explain to your child that she will earn a sticker every day (every time - or how often you decide) she meets that explanation. You can let her put the stickers on the chart when she does. (Make sure you have some you know she can always meet and some that are more challenging. You want her to feel success but you also want her to work - so a variety is necessary.) You should talk with her about what will happen when she earns X amount of stickers. (With her you should create a list of rewards she could pick from and post them on the side of the chart. They don't have to be costly One could be as simple as spending time with Dad, baking cookies with mom, staying up 15 minutes later at night, or watching a movie on TV with Mom and Dad, and eating popcorn, of course. )

*KindKennen*

My husband and I raised two kids with Autism. One nonverbal but very vocal(he learn some sign language) and a daughter, high functioning/Asperger's. One is 22 yrs old and the other is 25 yrs old. Both live at home.

It was a challenge. My husband was always more permissive. To both of them...I worked at Children's Hospital as a RN different shifts until our youngest wasn't sleeping at night and I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I finally had to quit and be a fulltime mom. Best decision.

My husband was the baby of 4 kids and was a "mama's boy". His parents never yelled and he said he wanted to please his mom and dad all the time. He felt sorry for our son and I came from a very strict background. I set firm but fair limits that were appropriate for any kid. Good for both typical or special need's children. Later, when the kids got older and my fibromyalgia and then bone arthritis was diagnosed in me...my husband admitted his permissiveness backfired. And wished he helped me reinforce the rules I had set up as I was learning more about autism. If anyone has questions about parenting special needs/autistic, bipolar...etc ask here or PM me. Also, can answer some pediatric questions, too. I realize every child is different and every outcome is different.

MarieSD

Excellent advice!

Sunrise at Midnight

Thank you Karen for offering up your expertise How did you approach teaching your son signing?

*KindKennen*

I had learned how so I could be prepared to communicate with deaf pts and families while a nurse so I already had learned it. Just had to use my ASL(American Sign Language) book for reference until I remembered. It was easy to teach it to our son since it was one of the communication techniques the Speech Therapist taught my son in preschool!
Each year new words were introduced. I would receive a list of updated/added words so we could practice the words at home.

For the past approx. 20 years typical young ones not talking yet are being taught sign language ad this has shown over and over a decrease in frustration in these kids because they are able to communicate to their parents/caregivers how they feel, where they hurt, etc at a much younger age.

When teaching sign language to anyone, practice, practice, practice is a must. Like any language, Sign has slang. My son has his own unique form of slang. We can understand him but new people would have trouble at first.

Sunrise at Midnight

That is awesome! My neighbors daughter, she doesn't speak, they had tried teaching signing and her school basically just passed her around. Thy got frustrated, it just wasn't working. they put her in a private Christian school and she was facanaited with the chapel and when they'd pray clasping the hands and that led to her learning a few more. It's gotten better for them slowly since then. So I was just curious. I mean I know there are different levels of learning and the way some one is taught makes a world of difference it's just always made me wonder why the clasping of hands in prayer set it in motion for her and not some other sign. Every child really is so very different.

Cadenf

My husband does not seem to think parenting is important in the sense of he refuses to make them follow rules and he goes against what I set. He doesn't make them clean their toys up, etc. It is making me more and more frustrated and then pissed. Any advice?