DreadPirateRoberts

Supporters

Future Titles

DreadPirateRoberts

I'f i've missed anybody of the members list just hit me round the head with something heavy.

Also we need titles. Ideas anyone.

indigo sunrise

TFTNT!

crash landing

Thanks for adding me

room to breathe

Thanksyou for adding me .

Darlyka

Thanks for the new thread Rachel

Ron_Beckett

Don't add me or anything I just had a question/comment thing and I don't really know where to place this but given the subject I'm about to bring up I guess I kind of need help.

This isn't easy for me to discuss. It's something that I don't discuss to anyone. Not my close friends, certainly not my family, and not even my therapist. Just the idea of bringing it up here is hard for me to do but I don't know where else to go.

My entire life I've always questioned my own sexuality. I grew up as a tomboy. Once I was old enough to decide my own clothing choices it was pretty much **** the skirts and dresses. I'm a more t-shirts and jeans kind of girl.

I've always considered myself to be straight but there have been multiple times when I have kind of felt drawn to the same sex (ie girls). I didn't have a boyfriend until my senior year of high school and in that retrospect I always felt there was something wrong with me. My earliest date was just a one night dance in the 8th grade with this guy I liked. But the problem for me is that when it comes to guys the feelings can easily be turned on or off.

There have been times, a lot of times when I find myself draw n to guy clothes because I just find them to be more comfortable (and then add low self esteem issues to the mix and I hate girl clothes even more). My mom and sis always find me in the guy clothes and I always have this longing but them (and even my dad at times) always say, "Remember you're a girl". I find that to be bull because I didn't ask to be. If it had been my way I would've been a girl without the mess of things.

And then there are the matter of girl crushes that I sometimes get. When it seems to be something more than simple like or admiration.

I've had these thoughts my whole life and all that time I've tried to deny them and pretend they don't exist or that it doesn't matter. I should just be me whoever that is. And a lot of times these kind of thoughts scare me. I all ready have enough issues on my plate to deal with and I honestly don't want this to be one of them.

I have nothing against G's or L's, I honestly don't. I just wish I could stop these thoughts and be 100% certain that I'm straight but I can't even admit to that because sometimes the thoughts just run too deep. It scares the **** out of me.

I don't know what I am and to not know that basic foundation- how does a person really live with themself when they don't know who they are?

indigo sunrise

Hey there! And thanks for sharing that story with us - I know how scary that step can be and believe me I know how you feel. I don't really know what to tell you, except don't try to put yourself and your feelings in a box too much. I'd say, 'go with the flow', and try to just like whoever you like, be whoever you want to be, no matter if you wear guy's clothes, girl clothes or a mix of both you don't have to be anyone but you!

And I get the feeling of not really knowing who you are. Some people have the luck to know for sure that they only like guys, or only girls, then there's also those of us who just aren't sure - I'm that way myself, as well. I know I like girls, and I am more attracted to them, but I've also liked guys in the past and do like certain aspects of guys, so I'm definitely not writing it off that I could also fall for a guy one day. I've had periods where this really bothered me, because I didn't know how to label myself - how to explain these feelings to myself, let alone to others, but in the end? It shouldn't matter who you like, as long as you stay true to yourself and don't over-think it too much. Love is love, when it comes down to it and the sooner you can accept for yourself that the possibility of maybe liking girls - whether that's only girls or girls and guys - isn't actually that bad, and that there really is nothing at all to be scared of, the sooner you can be happy with who you are

May I ask how old you are?

Ron_Beckett

I'm 21.

And that's exactly how I feel. I tell myself that labels don't matter so why should I even let it bother me. But then it's on the days when I have too much time on my hands and I spend too much alone time to myself that I wonder about it.

How can I stay true to myself if I don't even know who that is? The only time I truly know me is when I'm out in a nature setting but then it's when I get back to, 'my real world' that I loose all sense of that. Like I'm 2 completely different people so it's hard to find the balance between the two or let alone merge them into one. And being 'these two different people' just complicates things. That's the way it's always been though. The person I am when I'm surrounded by nature is completely different than the person I am back home. They're like magnets that can never merge and I hate that.

As for the guy clothes stuff, I wish I had control over that. Even though I'm 21 when I go shopping with my mom and my sis they always expect me to go for girl clothes. They're okay with me getting graphic t-shirts but anything beyond that is a no. And I can't really explain it to them. I say it's comfortable but they just dismiss that so I'm left in the uncomfortable girl section.

heart devoured

I've been meaning to come and say hello in this thread. So.. hi all, I'm Laura.

First note I'd like to make is the list of people in the OP. Can't it be supporters instead of members? I feel like that's a list of gays and it seems a bit weird. Supporters would mean you don't have to be LGBT etc. to put your name on it. You can be straight or what ever and supportive of sexual equality. I mean, I'm definitely not straight and I don't mind people knowing about my sexuality but I wouldn't wanna put my name on a list labeled as 'members'. Or am I the only one who sees it like that?

And hi Ron! It's cool that you decided to come here and share your story. I don't really have any golden tips as to what you should do about your situation. I agree with speak slow, try not to over-think it and just be what you are and feel what you feel and don't be afraid of it.

It's the society who makes us confused and frustrated like that. That you need to be certain way or at least know for sure what you are. And when some of us don't know how to label ourselves and/or are different than others for example when it comes to clothing, it becomes an issue, for others and yourself.

I don't even know at this point of my life if I'm gay or bi or just something in between. I'm kinda same as speak slow, I mostly like girls but I've also liked guys in the past and so on. But I don't care if I don't know for sure. It only becomes a problem when I'd need to explain and label myself to others.

Your mum and sis are a perfect example of the society thing I'm talking about. Like you need to dress yourself in certain type of clothes just because you're one gender and not the other. That really pisses me off. You're adult, don't let them control you like that. No disrespect to anyone, I'm just that kind of straightforward person who wouldn't take that for a second.

vicious_boy

Hi, i know i've been away for several months. Just wasn't up to being on but i'm back!

So how is everyone?

Ron_Beckett

Thanks eleonor. My parents are kind of old fashioned in that sense. I love them don't get me wrong but I wish they could just accept my style and realize that won't change anytime soon.

I mean just yesterday I had to hide. I went to the store and bought some guy shirts which I know my parents would disapprove of. I hate having to hide but I'm used to it. There was a time in my life when I've had to hide my religious choice (that situation has since resolved itself), I've had to hide certain behaviors (yes I am a cutter which they know about because I no longer hide it), and now this. I just wonder if the hiding will ever stop.

Darlyka

Carmine! long time without seeing you around, I am fine, working as a slave but good and you? any special boy in your life?

LLamacorn In Training

Back from Alaska, it was beautiful I want to move there! It was lovely, wonderful, cold, peaceful, beautiful... Spectacular! Too many words to describe the place. I'd like to take a moment and share this with you all it was a picture I took with my uncle's Samsung t200

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f1...c/SAM_1423.jpg
http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f1...c/SAM_1435.jpg

Miss you tons!

Especially.. Nahhhh I can't do especiallies to everyone LOL.

Hope your great I will be back more often now because I finally got my computer back and so the screen's not cracked anymore, and also because I'm not borrowing anyone's computer to go on because I was in the past!

LLamacorn In Training

Okay so it's official. Prop8 was ruled unconstitutional under both due process and equal protection. It'll be appealed.

Judge rules California's ban on same-sex marriage is unconstitutional - CNN.com