Warning: Ridiculously lengthy post ahead.


I can't explain enough how much I love these two. A vampire stuck with a soul and a girl stuck with a calling- an unlikely pair, if I ever saw any. But against all odds, they make all the sense in the world. They went through hell and back (literally, in Angel's case), but their love never wavered. Their relationship is all about love and trust and inspiration and I absolutely love that about them.
Angel was a lost man, haunted by all the memories of the hideous crimes he'd committed. For years he'd wandered through dark alleys, trying to drown the pain and sorrow with alcohol. He had the worst inferiority complex I’ve ever seen. He didn’t think he was strong enough to make something good of himself, I don’t think he even wanted it. Not until he saw this girl, this bubbly and vibrant girl, full of energy and life and everything he was lacking. He witnessed her life do a 180, he watched her face her demons (not in a metaphorical way) and come out on top. He watched her fight, and by doing so he saw her heart.
Buffy’s strength awoke something in Angel’s heart. The desire of purpose, the need for redemption. It was not about Buffy, not really- it was about himself and needing to give something back after all the pain and heartbreak he’d caused. And what a better way to do so than to help this girl, the one person who’d genuinely touched him in 240 years, fight other monsters like the one he had been? So he moved to Sunnydale, with a much needed haircut and a brand new life ahead of him, fully intending to become somebody he could respect. But redemption didn’t come easy. It never does.
Let’s talk about Buffy now. She did not want to be the Slayer. She knew enough to know it would change her life forever- if it didn’t cost her her life in the first place. But she couldn’t look away. Not even when she was kicked out of school and wound up living on the Hellmouth did she turn a blind eye to everything that was going on around her. She couldn’t. There were people who needed her help, people who would end up dead (or worse) if she didn’t do what she had been chosen for. So she fought. She was sixteen years old and she faced vampires, demons, exams, parental issues, Masters, all with an integrity and courage I’m sure most people will admire.
Not everything was bad for her. She had a mother who loved her. She had friends- real friends, the kind we treasure if we find them. They knew who she was, how dangerous it was to be close to her, but they didn’t walk away. She had her Watcher, a man who undertook the responsibility of training her out of duty but became a father to her out choice. And she had Angel, this handsome stranger who popped up out of nowhere, warned her about some kind of danger and disappeared again. She didn’t know much about him, other than the fact that her knees went weak when she saw him. But he seemed like a nice guy, smart and kind and human. In normal circumstances, two of three is good enough. In this case? It made all the difference.
Angel was a vampire. She didn’t want to believe it- and then she hoped against hope that he was different. And here we have the first sign of what Buffy and Angel’s relationship will become- when Buffy is led to believe that Angel is a monster, just like every other vampire she knew, she squashes her feelings for him and goes knocking on his door, ready to introduce him to the ever famous Mr. Pointy. She pushes her feelings aside in order to do what’s right. That’s Buffy Summers for you. And Angel isn’t at all surprised, simply because her integrity is one of the things that drew him to her the most.
Were they in love already? I don’t think so. I think Buffy had a major crush on him and Angel was deeply attracted to her. But they weren’t in deep, not all the way. Not until they started spending more time together and truly got to know each other. Angel stopped being Warning Guy and became a fighter on his own. He was no longer afraid of facing vampires and demons and, by doing all that, coming face to face with his past. He fought, both for Buffy and for every other person out there who needed help. Buffy grew stronger as she came to terms with her responsibilities as the Slayer. She accepted who she was and what she had to do. And all throughout this Angel was right by her side, being her rock every bit as much as she was his. They were in love now- really, head-over-heels in love. And the night when they finally gave in to those feelings and made love, all their happiness was torn away from them.
Angel’s soul was ripped away from him because of that one moment of true happiness. He was no longer Angel, the vampire who fought vampires, who wanted to become somebody and was in love with the Slayer. He was Angelus, one of the most sadistic vampires in the history of the world. His feelings for Buffy had morphed- from love they turned into obsession. He wanted to make her suffer, to make her pay for making Angel love her. And what absolutely warms my heart about this storyline is how Buffy knew, all along, that Angel was gone. She didn’t try to turn him into a good man or saw him as some kind of project. She knew perfectly well what soulless vampires are like and she knew that, no matter where Angel’s soul had gone, this was not Angel anymore, just a monster who so happened to wear his face. Buffy never, not once, was anywhere near loving Angelus. The man she loved, the one whose kindness and strength had made her fall in love with him, was gone. This was just his evil twin, a man who took pleasure in murdering one of her friends and torturing another, and she was completely determined to kill him for it. But then something happened. Willow managed to give Angel his soul back. Buffy’s happiness was brief, however, and she had to make a choice: keeping her love or saving the world. She chose the world and, in one of the most heartbreaking scenes I’ve ever seen, drove a sword through Angel’s heart.
The pain was unbearable. She ran away, seeking comfort in someplace else. Anywhere she wasn’t known, where she wasn’t responsible for saving the world. But like they say, once the Slayer, always the Slayer, and Buffy found herself stuck in the middle of another chaos only she could fix. Realizing that hiding from your problems only makes them stronger, she went back home, hoping to get back what she had lost. And get back she did- in more ways than one.
Somehow Angel was back. After hundreds of years enduring torture he was thrown back into this world, his mind more than a little messed up from everything he had experienced. Only one thing was clear in his mind- the need to protect this girl and the certainty that, somehow, it was only by her side that he was at peace. Buffy stayed by his side and helped him rehabilitate. Their feelings for each other went unspoken- they both knew what they wanted and they both knew they could not have it. So they tried to be friends, tried to tell themselves they could be just friends, until they had to come to terms with the fact that they weren’t. There was more and they couldn’t give into those feelings, so Buffy walked away.
Meanwhile, Angelus was gone, but not his legacy. Angel was still haunted by the memory of every innocent person he’d murdered in cold blood, by the conviction that not even as a human he had been strong enough, good enough. He couldn’t stand it anymore- so on Christmas Eve he stood on a cliff and waited for the sun to come up.
That’s where Buffy found him.
She tried to convince him to give himself a chance. She told him he had to fight. And fight he did- but she was the one he fought against. He fought the chance for happiness she offered him; he fought his own desires to seek comfort in her, and he did it because he was not willing to lose his soul again. Not even for the woman he loved more than life itself. In what’s probably my favorite scene in the whole show, Buffy and Angel open up to each other completely. It’s not nice or easy, but their love shines through every word. I think it was this episode what turned them into one of my favorite couples of all time. Either way, Buffy tells Angel everything he may not want to hear but needs to, in a wonderful speech that still sends shivers down my spine. And then it snows. How’s that for a fresh start?
They stop fighting the certainty of their feelings after this episode. They stop trying to avoid each other, to deny the undeniable, and they fall into a relationship as much as they can. They go out on dates, they fight vampires and demons and monsters shoulder to shoulder, and they do almost everything normal couples do. Until Buffy finds herself overwhelmed by feelings and insecurities, and breaks up with him- not without assuring him that she’s still his girl- that she’ll always be his girl. And shortly after, Angel proves that he’s still her man by pursuing a demon to save her sanity and staying by her side through good and bad.
Once again, they’re unable to stay away from each other and are drawn back together. Until Angel accepts that he’ll never be able to give Buffy a somewhat normal life- as in, daylight dates, a family or a satisfying sexual life. And the thing is, while I don’t for a second doubt the strength of Buffy’s love for him, I can’t help but admire Angel for knowing he had to give her the chance to grow up and live as normally as she could before committing herself to him forever. She’s only eighteen years old- the Slayer and more mature than most people in their thirties, for sure, but still a teenager. And Angel knows all too well how painful regrets can be.
I have yet to watch the two last episodes of season 3 and the rest of the Buffyverse- but I can’t imagine myself ever not loving Buffy/Angel or not seeing them as the epitome of selfless lovers.