Welcome to the 1st Adam & Kyle (50/50) Thread

Quotes

[Adam gets into Kyle's car]
K: What's that smell? What is that?
A: What? What?
K: Did you sit in jam or something?
[Kyle comes closer to sniff Adam]
A: What are you doing?
K: You smell...you smell fruity.
A: Oh! Uh...yeah. I ran out of shampoo and I had to use Rachel's
[Kyle comes closer to Adam again and takes a couple more sniffs of him]
A: That's great.
K: You smelled like you ****ed the cast of the view.

K: Has she been sucking on your dick, been giving you blow jobs?
A: No. She doesn't like to.
K: She does...No ****ing **** she doesn't like to! Who likes putting dicks in their mouth? You do it cause that's why they call it blow jobs! It's a job!
A: Don't get hysterical.
K: I'm not hysterical! I think it is...you know...you...she stays at your house all the time. She leaves your ****ing **** everywhere, you clean it up, you're a nice person. The least she could do is fellate you.


**********

K: You put up a lot of **** when you're dating a hot girl, truthfully. That's why, if you recall, in high school I didn't date any hot girls.
A: That's why?
K: Yes, that's why.
A: Well, we're not in high school anymore. The relationship that I have with Rachel is...is about more than sex.
K: What is it about, Adam?
A: It's about each other, you know?
K: Yeah.
A: We care about each other. Talk to each other, it's great.
K: Yeah. Wouldn't it be nice if you could do that and then bang the hell out of each other?
A: Ideally, yes. But it's not a perfect world, okay?

[after Adam's told Kyle about his cancer]
K: I'm gonna throw up.
A: Don't throw up. You're gonna be fine.
K: I actually think I'm gonna throw up.
A: No, you're not gonna throw up.
K: I'm gonna throw up.
A: No, just open your eyes. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.
K: Okay.
A: Right?
K: What kind of cancer is it?
A: It's cancer.
K: What's the name of the cancer.
A: It's some rare kind of cancer.
K: What...what...what it's called?
A: Schwannoma...I knew this.
K: It's called schwannoma?
A: Schwannoma...
K: It's schwannoma? What's schwannoma?
A: That means tumor, basically.

**********

K: What are your chances? What are your odds?
A: I don't know. I mean I looked it up and it said, fifty fifty. But that's like the internet, so.
K: That's not that bad! That's better than I thought. You're gonna be fine, man. You're young. Young people beat cancer all the time. Every celebrity beats cancer. ****ing Lance Armstrong, he keeps getting it.
A: Yeah.
K: He's fine.
A: Yeah.
K: The guy from Dexter. He's okay.
A: Right.
K: Patrick Swayze, he's fine.
A: Patrick Swayze?
K: And he's older.
A: Yeah. But dude, that guy is dead.
K: Really?
A: Yeah.
K: That's really ****ed up. I didn't know that.

**********

K: You're gonna be fine.
A: Yeah.
K: You're gonna be fine. Fifty fifty! If you were a casino game, you'd have the best odds.
A: Yeah. Thanks.

[as Adam is just about to start shaving his head]
A: Wait a minute. Um..what did you use this for?
K: You know, my body.
A: When was the last time you cleaned this?
K: Right now.
[he takes the shaver from Adam and wipes it on his shirt]
A: That's great.
K: It's totally clean.
[Adam takes the electric shaver away from Kyle and prepares to shave his head]
K: Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay!
[Adam start to shaving his hair]
K: Oh, ****! Dude! Holy ****!

**********

[after shaving his head, looking in the mirror]
A: It looks okay, right?
K: No. It looks really weird.
A: We shouldn't have done this.
K: Yeah. Big mistake.
A: Why didn't we go to a barber?
K: That would have been a good idea. We paid someone to do it.
A: Using your ****ing balls trimmer, instead of going to a barber.
K: Yeah. I never washed them, ever. And it's not my balls, it's my *******.
[Adam just looks at him]
K: I'm joking.
A: You're not joking.
K: No, not at all.

K: This is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Getting rid of her.
A: Why?
K: Why? You just...you deserve better. Way better. If I was your girlfriend, you know what I'd be doing? I'd be sucking your **** every thirty minutes, I'd be baking ****ing cookies all day and ****.
A: What kind of cookies?
K: Any kind.
A: Make me snickerdoodle cookies?
K: If you want snickerdoodle cookies.
A: They make me nauseous
K: Actually?
A: No, that was a joke.

[taking Kyle's advice, Adam approaches a group of girls in the bar]
A: It's a great song.
Woman: Totally.
A: I have cancer.
[the girl gives him a look like he's weird and Kyle quickly comes forward and takes Adam away]
K: I was wrong. I was wrong! It was weird.
[Adam turns to the girls]
A: Nice to meet you.
K: It's weird like that.
A: It's too soon.
K: It doesn't sound cool.

[later as the girls they picked up from the bar are buying hot dogs]
K: Are you okay?
A: I gotta go to sleep.
K: No, man! You can't! We have to be awake when they're awake. That's how we have sex. That's the whole purpose of this. Don't throw all this away! Don't waste my time, man!
A: Okay.
K: Okay.
A: Can you give me an approximate time when I'll be having sex?
[Kyle looks at his watch]
K: Ninety five minutes from now we'll be having sex. That's how long...
A: I'm not gonna make it.
K: That's how ****ing long it's gonna take! I wish it was sooner! These girls, ninety six minutes.

[the night before Adam's surgery, sitting by the waterfront]
K: I'm not gonna bring up the fact that your surgery is tomorrow. I'm not even thinking about it, so, don't worry about it. Cause I'm not gonna bring it up.
A: Remember the last time we were here?
K: Oh, yeah. It was prom night.
A: The memory seems really...really far away.
K: Yeah. It was a long time. I don't even remember who you went with.
A: Nora Madingly.
K: That girl. That girl sucked. You knew how to pick 'em. Even then I think you knew.
A: Yeah. Well, she seemed sweet.
K: No, she didn't. She always sucked.
A: You just always hate my girlfriends.
K: That's not true. Okay, it is actually. But it's because you always date people who are ****ing dickheads, man. You date needy bitches. Why?

A: I'm high as a mother****er.
[Diane gives Kyle a look and Kyle laughs uncomfortably]
K: We don't get high.
[to Adam]
K: Cool, man!

[looking at himself in the mirror before his date arrives, we see that Adam's is looking healthier with his hair now growing out]
A: I look pretty good.
K: I'd **** you.
A: Thanks!

K: You could have totally ****ed the **** out of that girl.
A: No one wants to **** me. I look like Voldemort.

Fans:
nicky83
ღThetis
eleonor
Karma Police
misst89
writteninthestars
calls me home
winchesterboyz
P&B4ever
Sincerely, Me.