deep within me

I already spreed right after the tribute so I am peace with it.

sparksღfly

deep within me

ღfaithfully

Okay Or I might not tell you guys and do it at 2 am to be alone at it and see my username 50 times in a row on the greatest board to ever exist for the last time

sparksღfly

when you put it that way

ღfaithfully

I LOVE YOU GUYS AND THIS BOARD SO MUCH It's just hitting me how sad and hard it'll be to leave But it's okay cuz I know it'll be in good hands

I applied for my 3rd job yesterday and I have a great chance of getting it. So even if I wanted to stay, which I still don't think I could handle it, it's pretty much impossible. I'll pretty much have no personal life But I'm okay with that

deep within me

Good point.

I echo this statement. Love you guys and this board so much.

sparksღfly

i'm happy for you but still i'm crying at this very minute cause this is hard

ღfaithfully

It is I think I'll come in and catch up with y'all sometimes when I'm free. I can be strong enough to do that. I guess we'll see. Originally, I just wanted to leave and never come back and not look back, but I love you guys and this board too much to do that now that I think of it... so we'll see. But when I'm free or on days like this where I'm like "**** it, I'm sad anyways", I may come by

sparksღfly

I'm going to bed so this was it, our last spree together, i'm crying so hard i can't handle it sorry

deep within me

Yeah, we will see about that for myself too.

ღfaithfully

awe bb

deep within me

It boggles my mind that I am actually leaving this board for good. I never thought that I'd see the day that would happen. But when I finally have found the job I really want and love for once and achieve my dreams then I'd know that I have finally honor Cory in his memory about life and I will know that I did the right thing letting go of sad things and focus on my life for good.

ღfaithfully

Agreed I feel like regardless of whether I'm here or not, I still honour him. I still think of him every day and use him as my source of motivation, so that'll never stop. So I don't need to stay here to prove a point or be a fan or something.

I think turning this pain into drive and motivation to make something out of myself and live my life to the fullest is a better way of dealing with it and what he'd want me to do than constantly remind myself by being here that he's gone and discuss how he won't be coming back in every thread and be depressed by it. I mean that's how I personally feel like when I'm here and I get back into the state of grief all over again, which I don't think that's honouring him. I think in my real life and my changes I've honoured him and his influence on my life and the lessons he's taught me way more, and I'd rather him see that from wherever he is than to see my sobbing while I post about him or whatever.

deep within me

Exactly which is the reason why I have decided to step down in the first place even tho.it hurts so much to let this go with all the memories and everything. But I knew that I'd make him proud when I am doing something about my life rather than be sad and sob on every single threads and talk about depressing things over and over.