Naomily

• Drinking a bottle of vodka, downing numerous pints, swallowing a live goldish, eating an entire cake, swigging wine and eating a bag of drugs will not make you sick.
  
  
• Gangsters will forgive you punching them, electrocuting their nipples and stealing from them. All you need is an African friend who can eat really hot chillis.
  
  
• Falling off the roof of a two-storey house will not result in serious injury.
  
  
• If you lose a friend in the middle of nowhere, it's a good idea to give up and go home, they'll probably be found eventually anyway
  
  
• If someone with Autism gets "locked on" you can snap them out of it by showing them your baps.
  
  
• If you have sex in a cupboard and push hard enough against the back wall you can get into next door. Even though the houses are detached.
  
  
• After being confronted by dodgy guys with a gun after one of them has just given you directions to somewhere, as well as followed you down the road scaring you crapless, it's a good idea to think they're probably nice guys really, and carry on to your destination as usual.
  
  
• Don't worry if you're a teacher and have just made an unwanted pass at a female student. She will soon get over it and encourage you to sleep with her Mum.
  
  
• If you can neck a spicy Pot Noodle, you are automatically the hard man.
  
  
• Even at a moments notice, black people are capable of producing a commendable improvised rap routine.

You get the idea

lisztomania

+ Tony Stonem is a sexy beast.

Sorry, I had to say it.

upthemorning

Chili eating competitions and Granny racing are the most effective ways to end a confrontation

MTG11687

It's totally worth it to consume a big jug of mustard just for a free half-pint.

emzandnaomifan

You can wake up with perfect hair even after going to bed with it soaking wet

Naomily

I thought that was the magical shampoo Emily uses

emzandnaomifan

it's just the magic of skins.

Hogglebee

Now this picture is just begging to be posted again...

idkmybffjill

- It is totally possible to turn your life around from impoverished youth who has to janitor just to make ends meet to club promoter/student in just a few short weeks! All you need to do is sell some recreational weed to high school kids, that will really rake in the big bucks.

- When you're on the run, having hit someone in the head with a rock and landed her in the hospital, clearly the only thing on your mind should be UH-OH WHICH BOY DO I CHOOSE~ instead of say, **** are the cops after me?

- Twins that don't even get along will nonetheless sacrifice hours from their days plus obscene amounts of hairspray to keep up the exact same very elaborate, very distinct hairdo instead of each doing her own thing.

- Having daddy issues gives you a free pass for life.

- This man



is an imposing, intimidating figure.

Naomily

would you not be scared of him?

• On winning a college election, the first thing to do is start a riot

idkmybffjill

lol no, definitely not.

Hogglebee

Deciding to go to a ball completely last minute is the way to go. You'll no doubt find a fantastic dress in the back of your closet that has been waiting just for these moments.

Naomily

And your makeup/hair will turn out fantastic.

sillyflower189

-If you're a teenage boy who likes to watch girls at a slumber party get changed, its fine, because no one will call the cops on you for peeping. In fact, the girls will probably enjoy it, and stand in front of the window smiling at you while you look, making no effort to cover up.

-If you haven't gotten your first kiss, it's acceptable to pay a prostitute to do it for you. Don't worry, she's totally disease free.

-If you're a socially awkward boy who is still a virgin, befriend a lesbian over the course of one day, let her spend the night at your house, and she will have pity sex with you.

lisztomania

Do not barge in on your guy best friend's door without knocking, you might just witness him masturbating.