Off Topic - jealousy

~*katinthehat*~ · 06-02-2004, 11:59 AM

ok see i have two bestfriends. Miranda and Rebecca. They don't really like each other or really never talk. But today they were goin to the mall together. I feel so bad for being jealous but i guess i am. I mean i always thought if they did become friends it'd be the three of us. It feels so wrong to be upset by this. I mean i should be thrilled the two people who mean so much to be are hanging out and becoming friends. But i feel hurt. i mean i wish i was invited and told about instead of finding out another way. I should just forget about it and get over it. I don't know why i'm so anal about the whole thing. Anything like this ever happen. Jealous over a friendship or people hanging out??? Any advice?

SweetPea345 · 06-02-2004, 01:18 PM

Yup. Well the thing is I have these two friends also, Cristina and Katia, and it started out that I was friends individually with the both of them, but they were only aquaintences, and I don't know weren't really on speaking terms I guess. Well eventually I thought it was I good idea for the three of us to hang out, and over time we became a group of three. Sometimes there is the occasional coupling between either me and one of them or them two or something liket hat, and it makes me jealous or them jealous, but I guess you just have to suck it up sometimes.

The only advice I can give is to just not let it get to you so much. It's kind of cliched and stuff, especially since it's not how I normally deal with the situacion, but really there is nothing else that can be done. All you have to do is realise that they are both your friends for a reason and aren't purposely leaving you out. You've had time with both of them, and I think they just want time to get to know eachother so you all can be caught up and finally hang out together. Or maybe they are just both the types of people who can only handle one relationship at a time. I can't really say. But definately, I know firsthand relationships and friendships and jealousy aren't worth the combination, you know? So just don't look into it as much. They care about you, and obviously from your reaction you care about them too. So just give them time to get to know eachother alone, and then try to work the hang-out-as-a-group thing..

summerbug · 06-02-2004, 01:23 PM

Your feelings are totally natural - I think a majority of us have been in your place at one time or another. I don't know about you but I think one aspect is that you were "friends first" with both of them and while you are glad they are getting along it is natural to be a little ... weirded out?! - I can't think of the right word... by someone sharing your good friend's attention. Three is also just a hard number - someone is always going to feel left out because there is only room for two to walk side by side in shopping aisles sometimes, someone has to sit in the back of the car where it might be harder to hear the conversation, only one is in the center and can talk to both of you at the movies, etc. etc.

I think if you can focus on it being totally natural and remember that they probably feel the exact same way when you are with only one (or even when you are all together maybe) ... and just try not to let it bother you, as hard as that might be.

QTgirl · 06-02-2004, 01:52 PM

Something like that happened to me. I have two friends who were only friends with each other because i was friends with both of them...but then all of a sudden they started being so close and leaving me out of things. They would have conversations that i wouldn't understand because i was never there when something happened.

I guess we both thought that nothing would change between out friends and now that they have it just feels like they don't need us anymore. Don't worry because they do. What you could also do is, plan events and ask both of them to come. it will give you all time to together again.

Elegantly Wasted · 06-02-2004, 05:23 PM

I'm been in close threesomes for most of my life

. It is hard at times and of course all involved will get jealous on occasions. It is natural to feel worried and jealous or even threatened when it comes to friendship but we have to try and control these feelings. They are irrational and will only wreak friendships. Work on all three of you being close together. It is no fun for anyone to be excluded.

*Kaylee* · 06-02-2004, 06:05 PM

I hope everything works out. Maybe they just talked and then decided to spend sometime together. It'll be ok Kat.

Charlize'sAngel · 06-02-2004, 09:24 PM

I think it's perfectly normal to feel like you're being excluded from things but at least your two friends are starting to get along and maybe they just want to spend some time alone to get to know each other better.

In high school, my situation wasn't so much about having to share best friends but my best friend used to hang out with a group of people from his grade who were older than me so I never really felt comfortable being around them and it bothered me when my friend would be with them instead of me...

Sometimes, situations like this can make it seem like we're selfish but it's natural to feel insecure and left out at one point or another...

..:*babi_gurl311*:.. · 06-02-2004, 10:15 PM

I'm having the same problem, my two best friends absolutely hate each other. They are not asking me to choose or anything, but they are bitching to me about each other and it gets old and boring.

What you should do is tell them to back off! There's just no other way, and if they don't listen just leave them for a couple of days, and go hang out with someone else... they'll be crawling back! Lol.

~*katinthehat*~ · 06-03-2004, 07:12 PM

i just read all of ur post and advices. Thanks for the advice!!! It really makes me extremly happy. It helps me to understand a little more. I just need to try and include all three of us and let them be them. Friends and all.

s to all. Thanks!