sunnykerr

sunnykerr

Things will get better. Hang in there.

There You'll Be

Collins, things will get better. Just remember, things always get better.

I do understand the destructive behaviors that come with that, too. Maybe try one little better choice at a time. Whatever you decide, we are here.

sunnykerr

Making small good choices can provide encouragement, I find.

That's good advice, Kim.

Collins

Thank you both. I appreciate it and knowing people care helps a lot.. I know things will be fine, they always are aren't they? It just hurts a lot.

But I have been trying new little things each day to be better. My bad habits are so destructive though. maybe they balance things out..

sourburst

I'm worried about this week coming. My partner is working away and I'm scared of being alone with my thoughts. I was up all night overthinking how I might not make it through with how low I feel. Ended with thoughts of me putting myself down. Which is CRAZY.

I got 3 hours sleep and have spent the afternoon trying to think of the positives of how I'm doing.

1. I'm 3 weeks clean of being suicidal.
2. I'm stronger than I think
3. There is no 3.

sourburst

I'm worried about this week coming. My partner is working away and I'm scared of being alone with my thoughts. I was up all night overthinking how I might not make it through with how low I feel. Ended with thoughts of me putting myself down. Which is CRAZY.

I got 3 hours sleep and have spent the afternoon trying to think of the positives of how I'm doing.

1. I'm 3 weeks clean of being suicidal.
2. I'm stronger than I think
3. There is no 3.

sunnykerr

You've made it this far, I trust that you can keep going. Look at what you've already accomplished. And your partner has been a great help in it, I'm sure, but he couldn't have done any of it for you. You did that. On your own.

As for missing him, I don't know what the situation is. Can you stay in contact? Call every night, that sort of thing? If not, you could consider writing him letters, whether you post them or show them to him or neither. Just write to him as though it's the 19th century and there is no other way to communicate to him. Tell him about your day. Make him a presence in your daily life.

There You'll Be

Collins, I ended up pushing my destructive habits to the limit, until I just couldn't do it any more. I don't recommend that path. I completely feel for you.

Jade, I wish I knew how to talk you through those low times. That's the thing about depression-the not knowing when it will end, and being scared it won't. It does get better, just try to remember it's not permanent.

That's a great idea Sunny, about the letters, whether given or not. I could write my Papa, since I don't have a significant other.

Things are crappy here at the moment. It'll pass. It's just I don't understand how I can still be surprised by behavior.

sourburst

^I'm so sorry you're feeling low too at the moment.

The low parts are the worst. I was super low Friday and literally had nothing to say. Every time I was asked it was just like, I don't know I just feel like I've hit rock bottom for no reason?

Sunny: I don't miss him. Well I do, but not to the extent of that's the reason I feel low. It's just I can't deal with my thoughts when I'm alone. Usually he keeps me busy, even when he's not around, because there's laundry to do or cooking his dinner etc. With him gone there's a big-time hole of just me and my depression dwelling.

Yesterday I didn't get out of bed until 5pm. I'd been awake hours, but couldn't bring myself to get up. Today was the same, but i eventually got up at 2pm and popped to the doctors to hand my prescriptions in. I'm hoping tomorrow I've got the willpower to get up ASAP.

It's a tough week for me mentally, but I know I can get through it, even if i just sleep it away.

sunnykerr

Throughout my teenage years, I'd write to the grandfather I never knew. I don't know... it made me feel closer to him. So, Kim, you could totally write to your Papa. Why not? Wherever he is, I'm sure he'd love to hear from you.

Jade, I see what you mean now. There was a time where I had trouble getting up as well. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, I have a ridiculously sensitive bladder, so that forced me to get up. Sometimes, I'd remember to take that as an excuse to stay up.

I'm sure you'll find your own way. In a way, you'll have to, because depression affects us all in disparate ways. Hang in there.

There You'll Be

I have to get up to take my blood pressure medication, so, that usually works. I completely get the not wanting to, and actually not, get out of bed, Jade.

sourburst

I've noticed the past week it's not just getting out of bed it's eating too. The thought of eating make me feel sick and then i feel sick for not eating. It's a cycle.

sunnykerr

Yup. You've just described why I eat breakfast and supper in front of the TV and lunch with a book or (better yet) company. I can't eat if I pay attention to what I'm eating.

At the weekends, I'll forget to eat, too, because it's not on the schedule like it is at work. It'll get to be, like, 5 o'clock and I'll have a raging headache and be dizzy and I'll wonder why that is. Then I'll see what time it is and, well duh, you haven't eaten anything in eight hours. There's the mystery solved.

It's really bad, too, because I have a medical problem whereby I get dehydrated very easily and have to be very careful about that. I can make myself ill if I don't hydrate well. And yet, here I am, completely incapable of forcing myself to drink a glass of water. Or even remembering to try.

There You'll Be

Now that you all mention it, I'm that way, too. Eating will make me feel sick to my stomach. I never really thought about my depression leading to that...but I see now it does. Honestly, I eat about once a day, every day.

You guys have to be careful, getting to that point of dizziness.

Sunny, do you hate water? I know you know you have to be very careful, but, be careful.

It almost always makes me feel sick, just thinking about it. It's why I only buy the carbonated, flavored ones.