Everyday Life & Interests - The Comfy Couch|Girl Talk #7: PMS....PMS Everywhere...

Sunrise at Midnight · 05-27-2015, 08:38 PM

An Open Letter to James Thatcher, Brand Manager, Proctor and Gamble
Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you ****ing kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness—actual smiling, laughing happiness—is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull****. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ladies, here is our place to laugh, complain, share tips, or just you know park the broom stick for a bit .
Do you crave things? Do commercials make you cry? Tired of someone saying "Oh she me must be on her period!"

Helpful Links
Always Feminine Products and Menstrual Information | Always.com

Ron_Beckett · 05-28-2015, 05:24 AM

LOL TFTNT

Ugh I can't wait till my days are over.

On Monday I was a complete idiot. I wanted to experience my cramps without the help of pain relief. Dumb idea.

Tuesday really sucked. I was super tired and just wanted to sleep all day and then practically everything made me nauseated. I usually get sick on the first official day.

Thankfully feeling like my old self today. Even the water weight went down.

BlackSapphire · 05-28-2015, 06:56 AM

PMS = Pathetic men tension...

...So, this thread title fits so perfectly

Sunrise at Midnight · 05-28-2015, 10:15 AM

Vicki

Yikes Ron...Pamprin, never skip the pamprin

Ron_Beckett · 05-28-2015, 11:58 AM

Ha ha yeah I know.

I just wanted to see what it felt like without painkillers

Sunrise at Midnight · 05-28-2015, 12:01 PM

it feels like hell.

Ron_Beckett · 05-28-2015, 12:32 PM

Ha ha that it does.

I don't know though I think because of my addiction to pain I don't mind it as much (it's an SI thing unfortunately

)

Sunrise at Midnight · 05-28-2015, 12:42 PM

That makes sense.

Ron_Beckett · 05-28-2015, 12:48 PM

Glad it does. Sometimes I'm not sure.

As it is when I go get my blood drawn it's gotten to that point where I can look and I get a thrill of watching the needle go into my arm. Same with an IV. The only part of those that are triggering are the smell of the rubbing alcohol as those are what I would use to sterilize my tools.

~*~*~

On another note, PMS blood definitely smells a lot worse than that icky ovulation stuff. Ugh!

Sunrise at Midnight · 05-28-2015, 12:57 PM

Yeah I can't do that. As much as I've had taken I can't look, I can't stand it.

The smells don't really bother me

except maybe if I can't change a pad as often as I want..sometimes that will brother me.

Drunk On You · 05-28-2015, 01:12 PM

Period blood has the worst spell.

Ok so this has been going on when the last few months. My period has been unusual. I usually have 2 really heavy days, 2 regular days, and then the last day I'm really light or spot. Lately I've started off with a regular day and then go to heavy or sometimes like this one I just finished I didn't have any heavy days at all. But what's really weird is after 3 days I go 24 hours without even spotting and then I'll have a light day.

Ron_Beckett · 05-28-2015, 01:49 PM

BlackSapphire · 05-28-2015, 06:23 PM

"Yeeeeaahh, it's pretty clear, I aiiiinn't no size two
But I can shake it, shake it, like I'm supposed to do
'Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
And all the right junk in all the right places

Yeah, my maaaaamma she told me "don't worry about your siiizze"
She says, "Boys like a little more booty to hold at night"
You know I won't be no stick figure silicone Barbie doolll
So if that what you're into, then go 'head and move aloooonnng"

Can't get this song out of my head.. Great girly song

Sunrise at Midnight · 05-29-2015, 02:19 AM

Vickiy it's sure is a catchy one

Ron_Beckett · 05-29-2015, 07:15 AM

Wahoo mine is done!


Fan Forum > General Discussion > Everyday Life & Interests > The Comfy Couch\|Girl Talk #7: PMS....PMS Everywhere...