AuntEverest

I came across an essay called "Belly of the Beast". In it, the author proclaims that although Buffy and Xander had started out as friends, their real friendship had ended somewhere around Season 2. Well, here is the essay - http://www.beast916.com/buffy_xander.htm. I don't know what to make of it, but I would like to read your opinions.

sum1

Can't reach the article page. But anyway, Xander's a pathetic self-righteous, self-indulgent, irresponsible idiot, not worth Buffy's time. And I didn't find Buffy's friendships with Xander and Willow convincing in the later seasons.

Jaime Bee

I didn't either. I didn't like Xander or Willow very much in the later seasons either.

silver_lined_cloud

Sorry, the page won't load.

Scythe

Wow! Someone agrees with Sum and I

Ragnarok

Page wouldn't load, found it anyway. I'm a persistent bugger. Copying it over here for those who are interested, with apologies to the author:

Many of the relationships on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are fairly easy to understand. Buffy and Willow are friends. Giles is a mentor/father figure to both Buffy and Willow. Willow and Xander are friends. You also have the love/sexual relationships: Buffy with Angel, Spike, and Riley; Willow with Oz and Tara; Xander with Cordelia and Anya. There have been antagonists, such as Xander with Angel and Spike; or Faith with Willow and Buffy. The point is, you can put a classification on pretty much any relationship in the Buffyverse. Except for Buffy and Xander.

Many people will say they are friends. And at first sight, it would appear so. But I think they haven’t been friends for a very long time, if they truly ever were.

The fact Xander is the first person (besides, obviously, Giles) to know Buffy is the slayer sets the tone for their relationship. Xander is immediately attracted to the new student, but Xander is a 16-year-old boy; he’s attracted to many women. What sticks out to him is this girl is not just beautiful, she’s strong and smart. As we learn in Season 6, she is pretty much his mother isn’t.

Xander: So, what's the plan? We saddle up, right?

Buffy: There's no 'we', okay? I'm the Slayer, and you're not.

Xander: I knew you'd throw that back in my face.

Buffy: Xander, this is deeply dangerous.

Xander: I'm inadequate. That's fine. I'm less than a man.
-- “The Harvest”

Their relationship is somewhat set this first season. It does change over time, but you could apply the above quote to almost any season and it would seem to be in place. But some things are different in the first season: Xander is unconditionally in love with Buffy; and Buffy seems like Xander’s friend. Both of these will change in Season 2.

In the first episode of Season 2, Buffy returns from a summer with her father. Two important things happen that will shape the rest of her relationship with Xander. In a hallway scene with Xander, Willow, and Cordelia, Buffy insults Willow and Xander, who are trying to keep Cordelia from blabbing Buffy’s secret identity. The second thing is the dance. Buffy gives Xander what to a 16-year-old boy is probably the equivalent of a lap dance, partly to make Angel jealous and partly as a response to the person who saved her life (this will come around again in Season 6, as Xander is once again partly responsible for bringing her back to life). Later in the episode, Xander threatens her, because her actions led to Willow being taken hostage. This is the beginning of their relationship changing. Buffy is not as perfect as Xander thought. Admittedly, he held her to a high standard and did not react well when she didn’t meet the standard. And Buffy used Xander to lash out as when she was upset.

Willow: Well, Buffy, Giles did bury him and...

Buffy: Look, this is Slayer stuff, okay? Could we have just a little
less from the civilians, please?

Xander: Okay, that's just about enough!

Buffy shoots Xander a look.
-- “When She Was Bad”

For most of the first half of Season 2, Buffy and Xander continue to function as friends. Xander begins to date Cordelia, although he still has feelings for Buffy. Angel becomes Angelus and starts to harass Buffy and her friends. Xander is all for Angel’s death. Many people believe it’s because of jealousy. I think they’re wrong.

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe Xander was jealous of Angel. After all, Angel was spending time with the woman Xander loved. I would be a hypocrite if I said he wasn’t jealous of Angel. What I do not believe is the jealousy led to the infamous “lie” or any of his feelings about Angel. I do believe Xander wanted Angel dead, but not for any noble reason. Angel was a vampire, which was one strike against him. However, it is Angel’s treatment of Xander, not Buffy, that makes Xander hate Angel. Xander doesn’t have a problem when women insult him, but he does with men. Watch all the episodes Angel and Xander were in together. Find me one scene in which Angel was nice to Xander, or didn’t look down on Xander. Even when Xander came to him in attempt to save Buffy in “Prophecy Girl”, Angel mocks him. While there are moments they tolerate each other, Angel and Xander are never very kind to each other. And Xander, living with the type of father he does, reacts accordingly when other males treat him badly. We will get into this more as the seasons move on.

Now we come to the lie. I won’t argue it much, because people have different opinions about it. I believe Xander felt Angel should die, not because of jealousy, but because of what Angel had done, and he hated Angel. The lie occurs when Xander meets Buffy and they go to the mansion together.



WILLOW
I know. I'm sorry I didn't
get to cure Angel



BUFFY
Don't be. I just think it wasn't
meant to happen. I know I'm
never gonna get Angel back
the way he was and, you know,
it makes it easier.

BUFFY
It's a present for Angel. This ends it,
Xander. I'm ready.

Xander looks down, trying to decide what to do.

XANDER
Willow. . . she said to tell you. . .

BUFFY
Tell me what?

He waits, decides.

XANDER
. . . kick his ass.

-- “Becoming 2”

This is from the script by Joss Whedon. It leaves a lot of ambiguity about just what Xander is deciding, but the fact he mentions Willow’s statement at all suggests to me he isn’t lying because he wants Angel dead, but because he feels it’s the best thing for Buffy at the time. But that is me.

Xander: You know, maybe you don't want to hear it, Buffy, but taking
off like you did was incredibly selfish and stupid.

Buffy: Okay! Okay. I screwed up. I know this. But you have no idea! You
have, you have no idea what happened to me or what I was feeling!

Xander: Did you even try talking to anybody?

Buffy: There was nothing that anybody could do. Okay? I just had to
deal with this on my own.

Xander: Yeah, and you see how well *that* one worked out. You can't
just bury stuff, Buffy. It'll come right back up to get you.
Willow: Buffy, you never...

Buffy: (nears the breaking point) Willow, please. I can't take this
from you, too.

Xander: Let her finish! You at least owe her that.

Buffy: God, Xander! Do you think you could at least stick to annoying
me on your own behalf?

Xander: Fine! You stop acting like an idiot, I'll stop annoying you!

Buffy: (steps up to Xander) Oh, you wanna talk acting like an idiot?
Nighthawk?
-- “Dead Man’s Party”

In this scene Buffy and Xander move away from friendship. They have never truly returned to it. Xander holds Buffy up to impossible standards. She is his hero, the one thing he can always count on. . .but he finds out he can’t. Buffy feels assaulted and lashes out at Xander, hitting him where she knows he can be wounded most.

One telling moment is Buffy’s reaction to Willow and Xander’s clothes fluke. When she is talking to Willow, she gives her advice on how to work things out with Oz. But when it is brought up with Xander, most of her sympathy is for Cordelia. “You *are* guilty. You got illicit smoochies, gonna have to pay the price.” She holds a double standard for her two “friends”, which is emphasized later in the season, when a big scene is made of Willow staying in Sunnydale, while Xander’s future is given little thought. Another double standard exists in “Amends”, when Buffy is concerned about Faith being alone at Christmas, but not terribly about Xander sleeping outside Christmas Eve. . .in Sunnydale…with vampires around. The remainder of the third season, there is very little other than group interaction between Xander and Buffy.



Season Four involves little Buffy and Xander beyond the group. One of the scenes that is important is from “The Freshman”.


Xander: Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life, faced some scary things, among them the
kitchen at 'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club.' Let me tell you something, when it's dark and I'm all alone and
I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think, 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero.

This is where Xander starts to settle into what his role with Buffy will be: the “comfortador”. Xander’s purpose
to Buffy is to pick her up when she’s feeling down. Buffy’s purpose to Xander is to provide a hero, somebody he
can look up to.

Another man, Riley Finn, comes into Buffy’s life. Originally, as he is to Angel and Spike, Xander is hostile to
the new person in Buffy’s life. However, Riley, unlike Angel or Spike, treats Xander with respect. It is not
jealousy of whomever is with Buffy that makes Xander not like then; it is how they treat him. It is rather
telling in Season Five, Riley seems to be the only person who notices Xander’s parents. Buffy is too caught up
in her own stuff. Another Buffy/Xander confrontation happens when Riley is planning on leaving:

XANDER: Yeah. I think you mean convenient. I think you took it for granted that he was gonna show up when you wanted him to, and take off when you didn't.
BUFFY: Look who's talking. Look who has Anya following him around like a lovesick puppy.
XANDER: Oh boy, is this *not* about me.
BUFFY: Is she more than a convenience? 'Cause that would kinda be a surprise.
XANDER: (angrily) If you don't wanna hear what I have to say, I'll shut up right now.
BUFFY: Good, 'cause I don't.

She starts to walk off. Xander intercepts her.

XANDER: I lied. See, what I think, you got burned with Angel, then Riley shows up.

-- “Into the Woods”

The scene in “I Was Made to Love You” gives us a physical demonstration of Buffy’s dependence on Xander. He is her punching bag for training, and
has become her punching bag for real. Whenever there is something she can’t deal with, she turns on him. Very seldom have her attacks been turned
towards other members of the Scooby Gang (save for times like the group fight in “The Yoko Factor”).

The trend tends to continue, such as in “Seeing Red”, when Xander finds it hard to forgive Buffy for sleeping with Spike. He can’t forgive her, not
because he’s jealous, but because Buffy sleeping with a vampire (and not even a souled one) seems beneath the hero image he has for her.

In Season Seven we see Buffy and Xander have a routine. Xander has his hero. Buffy has somebody she can depend on, somebody who will comfort
her when she needs comforting. Xander has his family unit. And Buffy is stronger than he is, so he doesn’t have to worry about hurting her the way he
worried about hurting Anya. Xander seems to be providing transportation for Buffy and Dawn, and it is unlikely Buffy bought the cell phone for Dawn.
Buffy, perhaps without knowing it, still looks down on Xander (as in the “or we could do something intelligent” remark in “Same Time, Same Place”).

But are they friends? No. I think in a way Buffy and Xander use each other the same way Buffy and Spike used each other in Season Six. They have
different reasons for doing so, and they don’t quite understand the harm they are doing. Xander has unrealistic expectations of Buffy and lashes out
when she doesn’t meet them. Buffy lashes out when she feels trapped. And, in “Selfless”, there is the chance the ball has started to roll that will force
them apart, as their tenuous relationship nearly collapsed under Buffy’s willingness to kill Anya and the exposure of Xander’s lie in Season Two.

Scythe

Thanks Rob

I may dislike Xander and Willow, but I do believe that they are both Buffy's friends. The article brings up lots of good points and show examples of when Buffy and Xander have had a falling out, but in the long-run I think that their friendship is stronger than that. The reason that Buffy has survived for as long as she did is a great part due to Xander and Willow being there for her.

Jaime Bee

I agree but Xander certainly had high expectations for Buffy to live up too. It was a twisted friendship. I wish the show had gone more into his family life.

Willow and Buffy haven't been friends since Buffy was brought back. I think they tried to mend their friendship but it was never the same.

Scythe

Yeah, at the beginning of Season 6 I bet Buffy didn't really want to be with any of them because she was upset that they had pulled her out of heaven.

I thought it was really interesting when Rob commented that when they held hands in Once More With Feeling... Hang on...



"If you look at how they line up, it's almost a "degrees of separation from Buffy" chart. The characters she has least reason to be angry with (Spike, Dawn, Giles) are closest to her, the ones she has the most reason to be angry with (the Gang of Four) are farthest away, with Willow the farthest away of all. Pretty cool." - Rob

From this point, they were never so close., and then look at what happened in Empty Places. It was probably because she had dsitanced herself from the gang that they didn't feel so bad about treating BUffy the way that they did.

Night Nymph

Interesting theory, though I'm not sure that I buy that there wasn't jealousy in Xander's motivation. I'll have to watch more carefully as I watch season 2 episodes next time. I don't seem to recall as much antagonism or scorn on Angel's side as the author of the article suggests - in fact I seem to specifically recall Angel being jealous of Xander because he got to be with Buffy more often. One usually isn't jealous of someone they look down upon.

I'm also not sure that Spike put Xander down more than he put anyone else down, or more than Spike put Xander down. Xander likely liked Riley more, because he fit Xander's definition of what he believed his hero Buffy should have as a boyfriend, even though he had no idea what Buffy and Riley's relationship was about in my opinion.

It would be interesting to go back and see who made the first insults with Xander/Angel and Xander/Spike, though in the final case, there were many levels to their interaction - pre-chipped, newly chipped to early season 5, post Buffy's death, early seaon 6, and post Seeing Red. I'm not exactly sure where late season 5 fits.

I do agree with the idea that Xander and Buffy weren't always good friends or at least not good for each other. As I likely mentioned before, I often felt Buffy regressed around Xander sometimes. And he often seemed to make her feel insecure even though he tried to make her feel better.

I also didn't agree that Buffy put Xander down more often than he put her down. I believe that it was likely mutual. Buffy held Xander's opinion in high regard, and he sometimes used that against her I think.

I am one with the opinion that both Xander and Buffy might have been better off if Xander had gone his own way and found another hero to worship if not after graduation, at least after Buffy had died.

AuntEverest

One thing I have to admire about the Scoobies, after the final battle in "Chosen". From what Andrew had told Spike in AtS's "Damage", it seemed Buffy and the others managed to stay friends, yet lead their own lives - Willow in Brazil with Kennedy; Xander in Africa; Giles and Andrew in London; and Buffy and Dawn in Rome.

The Fang Gang, I've noticed is different. Although they stayed friends with Angel, they seemed to have this need to revolve their lives around him. And in the end, I think it may have destroyed them.

sum1

Well, an overdose of Angel can't be good for anyone.

crzy4fun

Not just Xander and Willow, but everyone. Somewhere in the show I think someone mentions that the reason she's survived as long as she did was because she had ties to the world. Her Mom, Dawn, Giles and her friends.

But, at times it seems like Buffy wasn't tied to the earth because of them specifically, but more so because she felt like she was supposed to be tied to the world because of them. She did things because she was expected to, not because she wanted to or personally felt it was the best thing to do. Did that make any sense?

Buffy's friendship wasn't the same with any of the gang after she was brought back. Not even in Season 7 when she was supposed to be less dark and depressed. She cut ties with everyone, and even dropped the facade of being a responsible caring gaurdian for Dawn. The only person she did spend time with during the last two seasons was Spike. And that was only because he wouldn't give up on her. Not to say everyone else did, they were just more hurt by her mood swings and lack of caring than Spike was.

AutumnColorsღ

I use to love the idea of Buffy and Xander together in season one and two. I thought it was so cute how Xander had a crush on her. It bets her being with Angel at that time.

AuntEverest

But, at times it seems like Buffy wasn't tied to the earth because of them specifically, but more so because she felt like she was supposed to be tied to the world because of them. She did things because she was expected to, not because she wanted to or personally felt it was the best thing to do. Did that make any sense?

Makes perfect sense. It also described her feelings about being the Slayer. Which is why I never liked the idea of her being the Slayer out of a sense of duty. A person should either like what they are doing with their life or they don't. And had came upon the job, thanks to the Shadowmen's magic and coercion by both Merrick and Giles.

I just saw "Into the Woods" and Xander made a comment about Buffy's behavior after she found out about Riley and the vamp whore. He said that she wasn't being very "Slayerly". It seemed as if Xander had confused her personality with her position as Slayer. Even worse, his comment seemed to harbor this idea that because she is the Slayer, she is supposed to act in an ideal manner.