[secretk]

Originally Posted by The Apt (View Post) After the trip and her attitude after the trip. I just gradually pulled away. It wasn't anything specifically said... instead of talking daily it kept diminishing more and more. We were friends for about 6ish years.

Makes sense. What was her reaction? I mean did she try to keep contact with you or she just accepted it as it is.

You mean they might be fishing for information on how you guys might be good for another work project in the future?

That is also possible, but my mind goes more on for them to know who knows about the project and basically who they might need if they want to work on this project on their own. I mean they bought us and if they want to get rid of people, they might want to know who they don't want to lose. But again that was just my dream, so it's not reality that I have confirmed.

They specifically wanted to know what I'm doing in this project and what is my involvement and what are my responsibilities. They asked yesterday about the experience of the others as well. And even later one discussed with me that the other guys from my team are not experienced. So I do think that they want to know who knows what about the project.

That place looks nice. How are you guys traveling there? Who all from your company is going? How many people?

Flight . We are going 9 people. One co-worker can't go because she is pregnant. So basically 5 people from my team - team speaker, 3 other people and me. Then we have one tester, two analyst and one project coordinator.

Well yes they told us that we will like the place and the way they described it with the beach and everything and they even said that there are no big temperature differences I think that we will like it .

[jediwands]

Originally Posted by secretk (View Post) Makes sense. What was her reaction? I mean did she try to keep contact with you or she just accepted it as it is.

At the time she was cheating on her BF and was into her wicked ways so she didn't really say much. She attempted a few times to keep in contact but after I stopped responding she basically stopped. Daily, we just kept our chat open. We talked on chat constantly, morning, noon and night for years and years. I ended up closing out chat, stuff like that, those little changes I kept making to decrease the contact. Naturally it just stopped. She knew I was getting the hysterectomy and barely even commented on the surgery even though everyone knows it's one of the biggest surgeries you could ever have, next to heart and brain surgery. That was sort of the last thing in my mind. Honestly, if she would have said more during this time period about the surgery I might have given things a while longer to maybe smooth over. But I was convinced after the surgery who I thought she was, who the psychic friend said she was, was accurate, and thus, she was not worth my time anymore.

That is also possible, but my mind goes more on for them to know who knows about the project and basically who they might need if they want to work on this project on their own. I mean they bought us and if they want to get rid of people, they might want to know who they don't want to lose. But again that was just my dream, so it's not reality that I have confirmed. They specifically wanted to know what I'm doing in this project and what is my involvement and what are my responsibilities. They asked yesterday about the experience of the others as well. And even later one discussed with me that the other guys from my team are not experienced. So I do think that they want to know who knows what about the project.

Interesting. You will be working directly with theses people in France too?

Flight . We are going 9 people. One co-worker can't go because she is pregnant. So basically 5 people from my team - team speaker, 3 other people and me. Then we have one tester, two analyst and one project coordinator. Well yes they told us that we will like the place and the way they described it with the beach and everything and they even said that there are no big temperature differences I think that we will like it .

Of course they would say that you'd like the place without knowing for sure since you guys aren't there yet because they're French. JK. Have you ever been to France before, by the way?

How long of a flight is it and what will the hotel situation be like?

[secretk]

Originally Posted by The Apt (View Post) At the time she was cheating on her BF and was into her wicked ways so she didn't really say much. She attempted a few times to keep in contact but after I stopped responding she basically stopped. Daily, we just kept our chat open. We talked on chat constantly, morning, noon and night for years and years. I ended up closing out chat, stuff like that, those little changes I kept making to decrease the contact. Naturally it just stopped. She knew I was getting the hysterectomy and barely even commented on the surgery even though everyone knows it's one of the biggest surgeries you could ever have, next to heart and brain surgery. That was sort of the last thing in my mind. Honestly, if she would have said more during this time period about the surgery I might have given things a while longer to maybe smooth over. But I was convinced after the surgery who I thought she was, who the psychic friend said she was, was accurate, and thus, she was not worth my time anymore.

I understand. How did you meet each other? I agree with you that her behavior around the surgery was telling. And it definitely confirmed your doubts as well as your friend's words.

Interesting. You will be working directly with theses people in France too?

Not that much. I mean some meetings will be with them and some not. And in general I won't work close with any of them. Basically they have to re-write the Graphical User Interface (so look and feel) of my project. For this purpose we chose 4 Developers from our team and one tester from our company. On their side they also chose 4 Developers and one tester. So those 10 people will work close with each other. Out of their 4 Developers only one is here now. The other two are here because of their knowledge and are considered as experts that could support the people if they have questions. I'm on the same level. I'm considered an expert that could support them if they have questions, but I can't work 100 % on this project. I have too many other stuff to take care of aside this one.

Now if you ask my team speaker (so boss) he wanted me to be 100 %, but my project manager (or owner so basically the one that supervises the product and interacts with customer) did not want this. He wanted me to be able to oversee everything that goes with my project as far as tasks go and not just this one.

So having future in mind we won't work close. Our job is actually to set up the base that then the rest would follow. So we are there as consultants and experts to organize the work, to set up the foundation and answer the unclear questions.

Of course they would say that you'd like the place without knowing for sure since you guys aren't there yet because they're French. JK. Have you ever been to France before, by the way?

Actually the Brazilian told us that we will like the place. A co-worker won't be able to come because she is pregnant in the 6th month, but she likes to travel so she asked him about the place and stuff like that and he started talking about it.

How long of a flight is it and what will the hotel situation be like?

This is what sucks. We still don't know. There is no direct flight Sofia-Nice so the flight will be at least 5 hours, but it could be even more. And as far as hotel goes we have no idea.

[ds44]

Originally Posted by The Apt (View Post) Hope you get home before the rain hits! Yes, I loved listening to them speak. It was so awesomse. Yes, and the narcissist French ex friend literally was jealous that I had a good speaking voice. I remember about a month before we went on the trip, a psychic friend of mine said this person was jealous of me... jealous that I could do things she could not and she viewed it as a competition. Initially, I didn't understand why she would say that but soon after I got it. On this trip she would make these weird comments... she'd say stuff like "Of course you have a great speaking voice" and "Of course the waiter flirted with you" and "Figures people off the street would talk to you" ... weird stuff like that. I realized instantly what the psychic friend said made sense. She truly was pissed off, almost degraded me because I was capable in areas that she wasn't. It really made me shake my head in disbelief. That's great. They are already picking up on the fact that you know your stuff and they trust you to get the job done.

Wow that is horrible. I have met nasty and nice French people, but bad experiences like that is the worst feeling. I am sorry you endured that.

[jediwands]

Originally Posted by secretk (View Post) Not that much. I mean some meetings will be with them and some not. And in general I won't work close with any of them. Basically they have to re-write the Graphical User Interface (so look and feel) of my project. For this purpose we chose 4 Developers from our team and one tester from our company. On their side they also chose 4 Developers and one tester. So those 10 people will work close with each other. Out of their 4 Developers only one is here now. The other two are here because of their knowledge and are considered as experts that could support the people if they have questions. I'm on the same level. I'm considered an expert that could support them if they have questions, but I can't work 100 % on this project. I have too many other stuff to take care of aside this one. Now if you ask my team speaker (so boss) he wanted me to be 100 %, but my project manager (or owner so basically the one that supervises the product and interacts with customer) did not want this. He wanted me to be able to oversee everything that goes with my project as far as tasks go and not just this one. So having future in mind we won't work close. Our job is actually to set up the base that then the rest would follow. So we are there as consultants and experts to organize the work, to set up the foundation and answer the unclear questions. Actually the Brazilian told us that we will like the place. A co-worker won't be able to come because she is pregnant in the 6th month, but she likes to travel so she asked him about the place and stuff like that and he started talking about it. This is what sucks. We still don't know. There is no direct flight Sofia-Nice so the flight will be at least 5 hours, but it could be even more. And as far as hotel goes we have no idea.

How many days/nights will you be there? Is that one dude you don't really love going with your group?

[jediwands]

Originally Posted by ds44 (View Post) Wow that is horrible. I have met nasty and nice French people, but bad experiences like that is the worst feeling. I am sorry you endured that.

Thanks.

It's the worst feeling when you truly think you know someone. So much so, you share some of your deepest, darkest secrets and feelings with this person. In the end, you can feel like a fool for being so wrong and trusting too easily. That's what I felt like for a while. Eventually I snapped out of it realizing this was her "undercover operation" and it had nothing to do with me. It just makes me sad because I'm sure I wasn't the first or the last person she was originally a wolf in sheep's clothing but eventually exposed that wolf. I feel sorry for anyone else who is in her life right now because I would wager a good guess they are snowed and taken in by her initial charm but eventual darkness.

[secretk]

Originally Posted by The Apt (View Post) How many days/nights will you be there? Is that one dude you don't really love going with your group?

For now the idea is to be for 5 nights I think or something like that. The last information is that the flight to there is Sunday and the flight back is early Saturday morning.

The dude that annoys me would be with the group .

Also I'm not sure what's going with people these days. The project manager of another product (he never talked to me basically and he has seen me only once in a meeting). He had wanted something by the end of today but my boss is on a business trip and I was in a workshop full time so I couldn't react to it. So naturally I tasked someone to do the job and reassured him that it will be done today. So he thanks me and then tell me that he hopes that I will come some time to Frankfurt for work .

Anyway we concluded the workshop and said our Goodbyes with the guys. I did receive another compliment though so that was cool. Basically one of the guys was explaining how a back end developer (so someone like me) had training with this framework and she still faces problems with this and the other guy was pointing at me showing that I obviously don't have problems with this . So yeah that was nice compliment.

[ds44]

Originally Posted by The Apt (View Post) Thanks. It's the worst feeling when you truly think you know someone. So much so, you share some of your deepest, darkest secrets and feelings with this person. In the end, you can feel like a fool for being so wrong and trusting too easily. That's what I felt like for a while. Eventually I snapped out of it realizing this was her "undercover operation" and it had nothing to do with me. It just makes me sad because I'm sure I wasn't the first or the last person she was originally a wolf in sheep's clothing but eventually exposed that wolf. I feel sorry for anyone else who is in her life right now because I would wager a good guess they are snowed and taken in by her initial charm but eventual darkness.

I had to cut off an old friend recently who either changed so much or was always a xenaphobic and I didn't know it. She literally said she was tired of "my people" using up resources. I was like what do you mean by my people. One I became Canadian by narrate and my parents were immigrants to the us not me. I eventually realized she was lumping me I with Syrian refugees and end up getting angry and telling her to stick her attitude where the sun don't shine. It's still a loss cause we were friends for years and now I feel like those memories are tainted.

[jediwands]

Originally Posted by secretk (View Post) For now the idea is to be for 5 nights I think or something like that. The last information is that the flight to there is Sunday and the flight back is early Saturday morning. The dude that annoys me would be with the group . Also I'm not sure what's going with people these days. The project manager of another product (he never talked to me basically and he has seen me only once in a meeting). He had wanted something by the end of today but my boss is on a business trip and I was in a workshop full time so I couldn't react to it. So naturally I tasked someone to do the job and reassured him that it will be done today. So he thanks me and then tell me that he hopes that I will come some time to Frankfurt for work . Anyway we concluded the workshop and said our Goodbyes with the guys. I did receive another compliment though so that was cool. Basically one of the guys was explaining how a back end developer (so someone like me) had training with this framework and she still faces problems with this and the other guy was pointing at me showing that I obviously don't have problems with this . So yeah that was nice compliment.

Beautiful compliment, indeed!

Didn't they want you a while back to transfer to Germany? So my guess is everyone in the know understands you could easily transfer here or there and be fantastic.

What's the breakdown as far as men and women going to France? Do you think you'll get your own hotel room?

[jediwands]

Originally Posted by ds44 (View Post) I had to cut off an old friend recently who either changed so much or was always a xenaphobic and I didn't know it. She literally said she was tired of "my people" using up resources. I was like what do you mean by my people. One I became Canadian by narrate and my parents were immigrants to the us not me. I eventually realized she was lumping me I with Syrian refugees and end up getting angry and telling her to stick her attitude where the sun don't shine. It's still a loss cause we were friends for years and now I feel like those memories are tainted.

I'm so sorry about that. Sounds very similar to my situation. I know the ex French friend hated Americans and America. She would come here and judge like crazy. She also once told me she believes our American leaders set up 911 deliberately. Over the years she ripped everything about our culture, people but went there in a way that was so slick on the surface you had no idea what she was truly doing until you deeply thought about it. When you put everything together, you see the pattern and what she was doing.

I am glad you got rid of that friend. How ignorant and flat out heartless her inaccurate thoughts were. You're right, the amount of time in friendship years and some of the good memories are certainly tainted. Sometimes losing friends is worse than losing a romantic relationship because with friends, true friends, you do feel like you can tell them anything and everything. You open up completely but when the friendship breaks, or in our case, these friends turned out being completely different people, it hurts.

[secretk]

Originally Posted by The Apt (View Post) Beautiful compliment, indeed!

Yeah it was cool . Next week I have two web sessions with them (webex and phone) so fun times .

Didn't they want you a while back to transfer to Germany? So my guess is everyone in the know understands you could easily transfer here or there and be fantastic.

They do want me in Germany as well . Well the project manager actually wants me to be a boss of a separate team that works only on this and nothing else. But they don't allow him this. So that's why he wanted me to go to Hanover.

I am actually surprised that people above me (who are not even in my country) notice me and even like me. I mean the project manager had even discussed me with the former owner of the company. That's definitely some accomplishment for me because I'm just Developer. I'm not some boss or anything like that.

What's the breakdown as far as men and women going to France? Do you think you'll get your own hotel room?

3 women and 6 men. I still don't know if we will have our own room or we will be grouped . When I was in Frankfurt for business trip we all had separate rooms.

Wow Shu this sucks bad . I can't believe that she even went there. I agree with Michelle. Good for getting rid of her. She is not worthy to be your friend. Michelle this is also valid for you and this girl.

[jediwands]

Originally Posted by secretk (View Post) Yeah it was cool . Next week I have two web sessions with them (webex and phone) so fun times .

Are you being sarcastic there or really mean it'll be fun? LOL

They do want me in Germany as well . Well the project manager actually wants me to be a boss of a separate team that works only on this and nothing else. But they don't allow him this. So that's why he wanted me to go to Hanover.

Wow! If it could happen, would you have considered taking the position?

I am actually surprised that people above me (who are not even in my country) notice me and even like me. I mean the project manager had even discussed me with the former owner of the company. That's definitely some accomplishment for me because I'm just Developer. I'm not some boss or anything like that.

They can just easily pick up on your talent, that's what it has to be.

3 women and 6 men. I still don't know if we will have our own room or we will be grouped . When I was in Frankfurt for business trip we all had separate rooms.

That's cool. I was afraid it was like 8 men 1 women, lol. If you have to share a room, do you get along with the other 2 women?

Wow Shu this sucks bad . I can't believe that she even went there. I agree with Michelle. Good for getting rid of her. She is not worthy to be your friend. Michelle this is also valid for you and this girl.

Have you ever had to dump a friend who was trying to bring you down and the friendship turned unhealthy?

[secretk]

Originally Posted by The Apt (View Post) Are you being sarcastic there or really mean it'll be fun? LOL

Something in the middle. The guys are cool. It's just I am always nervous when I have to prepare something . But basically the three that were here will participate as well another 5-6 people from their side and 5-6 from our side.

Wow! If it could happen, would you have considered taking the position?

For separate team or for going to Germany? For both is yes. However for the second I have already discussed with the project manager that I would go there for 2 months or something like that just to check it out and then I will decide.

They can just easily pick up on your talent, that's what it has to be.

It's still nice. Actually I started working there because of a cousin of mine. She had a friends from university that worked in the company (she left it yesterday). So naturally I was a bit nervous because I didn't want to let this girl down. She had seen my cousin's mother few years ago and she told her that I am exceptionally smart person and that people really like me. Around that time the co-workers from Germany had come here for the first time and she told my cousin's mother that she was really happy that the first thing the Germans did once they came to the office is to ask for me. I was happy that I didn't let her down and she did not have any regrets vouching for me.

That's cool. I was afraid it was like 8 men 1 women, lol. If you have to share a room, do you get along with the other 2 women?

Nah, it's better. Well one of the girl is my teammate and we get along good enough. She is working for my project and basically the second in command after me when it comes to this project. Plus we were together in Rome and Barcelona so we are OK. The other one is not something I like. She is the type of person that thinks she is the best, she likes the attention and all that. She is overly Extrovert and loud. I mean she considers it work to tell me how one of the guys from the other company is super sexy, but is married. I'm like WTF? Really. I felt so uncomfortable hearing this.

Have you ever had to dump a friend who was trying to bring you down and the friendship turned unhealthy?

To be honest no, but I don't have that many friends. I kind of consider people acquaintances and people that I get along with. I have no more than 3-4 friends and I've met all of them in the last 10 years so we don't know each other that long. I just know that we are friends though.

[jediwands]

Originally Posted by secretk (View Post) Something in the middle. The guys are cool. It's just I am always nervous when I have to prepare something . But basically the three that were here will participate as well another 5-6 people from their side and 5-6 from our side.

Got it. Oh I hear you about being nervous. I am the same way.

For separate team or for going to Germany? For both is yes. However for the second I have already discussed with the project manager that I would go there for 2 months or something like that just to check it out and then I will decide.

Got it. Yes, I meant for you to move there and work. That would be good if it ever happens where you can go there for 2 months and see what you think.

It's still nice. Actually I started working there because of a cousin of mine. She had a friends from university that worked in the company (she left it yesterday). So naturally I was a bit nervous because I didn't want to let this girl down. She had seen my cousin's mother few years ago and she told her that I am exceptionally smart person and that people really like me. Around that time the co-workers from Germany had come here for the first time and she told my cousin's mother that she was really happy that the first thing the Germans did once they came to the office is to ask for me. I was happy that I didn't let her down and she did not have any regrets vouching for me.

That's awesome! Really cool! I bet that got back to your parents too. Do you like this cousin overall?

Nah, it's better. Well one of the girl is my teammate and we get along good enough. She is working for my project and basically the second in command after me when it comes to this project. Plus we were together in Rome and Barcelona so we are OK. The other one is not something I like. She is the type of person that thinks she is the best, she likes the attention and all that. She is overly Extrovert and loud. I mean she considers it work to tell me how one of the guys from the other company is super sexy, but is married. I'm like WTF? Really. I felt so uncomfortable hearing this.

I don't blame you. Well, the good news is if you guys had to room all together at least you like the one and hopefully the two of you can drown the one out. Maybe she'll be gone a lot too when you have spare time so you can get energized again away from her.

To be honest no, but I don't have that many friends. I kind of consider people acquaintances and people that I get along with. I have no more than 3-4 friends and I've met all of them in the last 10 years so we don't know each other that long. I just know that we are friends though.

That's the smart way to do it to be honest. I think I took a chance on this French girl because I wanted to go out of the childhood group of friends and explore a little, not be so sheltered with this group even if this group's great! But you know what I mean. Well, I found out it wasn't necessary. I am now very careful about who I get close to.

[secretk]

Originally Posted by The Apt (View Post) Got it. Oh I hear you about being nervous. I am the same way.

The good thing is that I won't see them so it will be less intimidating . I will see only the people from our office .

Got it. Yes, I meant for you to move there and work. That would be good if it ever happens where you can go there for 2 months and see what you think.

Well this is what we have discussed in the past with my project manager. But like I said nothing has been discussed further than that.

That's awesome! Really cool! I bet that got back to your parents too. Do you like this cousin overall?

Well my parents were obviously proud and liked to hear that . Well we are not super close not because of something else, but due to age difference. Most of my cousins from my father's side (she is from his side) are like 10 years older. My father just got married later than his cousins . Plus we were living in different places when we were kids. So we haven't seen each other that much.

I don't blame you. Well, the good news is if you guys had to room all together at least you like the one and hopefully the two of you can drown the one out. Maybe she'll be gone a lot too when you have spare time so you can get energized again away from her.

I hope so. The other girl is also Extrovert. She is just not in an annoying way, but she can get if she is surrounded by other Extroverts. Then she becomes typical loud Extrovert.

That's the smart way to do it to be honest. I think I took a chance on this French girl because I wanted to go out of the childhood group of friends and explore a little, not be so sheltered with this group even if this group's great! But you know what I mean. Well, I found out it wasn't necessary. I am now very careful about who I get close to.

But you have awesome childhood friends. Not all people are blessed to have that so that's still awesome. And like I said it's her loss.