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It's not an excuse, it's how Barry is. He becomes extremely self-centered when he grieves. He lashes out. It's the same when he's nervous/afraid. I remember how snappy he was towards Wally last year after he learned Iris was going to die in the future.
This is the same guy who stopped being the Flash after Iris' death. It's not like he cared that Joe, Wally and Cisco were suffering as well.
Iris handles grief differently. She's also calmer and that's why she and not Barry gets to be the leader.
Of course the BTS reason for why the show writes Barry this way after a tragedy is their absolute and annoying love for MANPAIN.
I don't like anything about Westallen in this part of the season. Run, Iris, Run was their last good episode. They get 0 focus. The scenes where they seem to be more affectionate end up on the cutting floor.
The reason why this part of the season isn't the worst ever when it comes to Westallen is because 2A is still a thing.
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