Moe: I've been called ugly, pug ugly, fugly, pug fugly, but never ugly ugly.

Moe Szyslak: Four guys, a chick and a noose. Just like the kind of movies I like.

Moe: Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what?

Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

Moe: They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants.

Moe: Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.