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I think that so far, Megan has basically let Walter make the decisions, since they've never been in this "we're out of time so what do we do now?" situation before (she was well enough to escape the hospital and get herself arrested just one year ago) and as he's been doing research and has the genius level of intelligence, I think Megan, while informed herself, has always trusted Walter's judgement, which we saw challenged briefly in Dominoes, but then she went along with what he thought then, too. So Megan still had the right to make her own decision, but I think up until now, that always agreed with Walter's opinion. And now the conflict is them differing.
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I completely agree with your analysis of the situation. I just feel like since Megan seems pretty certain about what she wants at this stage, she needs to have the conversation with Walter, both to insure that her wishes are respected as well as to help prepare her brother for her death. It doesn't seem fair to Sly that he's forced to be the middleman.
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Toby overanalyzes everything, and he's quite blunt (i.e. some of the imagery he was giving us regarding Ralph's conception last year), and he's also used to having an answer, both himself (as he's always speaking matter of factly) and as part of the Scorpion team. This time, they don't have an answer, there isn't some crazy stunt they can pull to save her, so that helplessness they aren't used to feeling plus picking up on the genuine personal grief and tension from Walter and Sly (and Paige to a degree) makes their reactions seem fairly plausible to me. It's like how he was giving Paige the answers to her questions so matter of factly, but when she asked something he didn't know, he didn't know how to react to that, it's the same to me as him feeling off about the Megan thing because he doesn't have an answer to that either when answer = solution to the problem.
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I guess my take on Toby is a little different. Yes, his default is typically to be blunt, but I feel like he's shown himself capable of turning it off when the situation calls for it. He's been sensitive in numerous conversations with Happy, when giving advice to Paige at the end of Charades, and in dealing with Walter in Kill Screen. As far as being uncomfortable when not having an answer, that seemed like a new characterization just for this episode to me, much like the flossing (we've never seen that before, even though they implied it was a regular habit) and the old cell phone (fairly sure we've seen him with a smart phone before). I don't think someone could devote their life to studying human behavior (hardly an exact science) if they were uncomfortable with uncertainty. Toby has never had a problem dealing with emotion, and faced with grieving friends, I think he would step up.