THE NEW AND IMPROVED LORELAI

FINN: Now this man here, my darling, is long raining King Of the Sloths!
COLIN: That's right. Noone can waste time like this man here.
RORY: Really?
LOGAN: No! Now who wants to drink?
COLIN: Oh! He's just being modest! Logan has the talent for doing nothing, yet to be matched by man or actual sloth.

LOGAN: I give you one month.
RORY: To do what?
LOGAN: Before you are back in school. One month.
RORY: You are wrong!
LOGAN: Nope!
RORY: I cannot believe how little faith you have in me! I mean what kind of match would I be for you, if I just went running right back to a life of respectability, without even attempting to join the French foreign legion.
LOGAN: You love school.
RORY: Not anymore!
LOGAN: NO! You love school! I saw it! That doesn't just go away!

THE UNGRADUATE

RORY: I missed you.
LOGAN: That was my plan.

RORY: Logan, you can mention school to me.
LOGAN: I don't want to bum you out.
RORY: Logan! That is ridiculous! I'm fine. I mean...Look. Yale was a wonderful chapter in my life, but I've moved on. I have my work. I have my new pad. I'm just really happy with where I am right now.
LOGAN: Really?
RORY: Logan, you don't have to feel weird about this. You go to Yale. Your friends go to Yale. How can we not talk about Yale?
LOGAN: I don't know.
RORY: Exactly. So, we both agree that the topic of Yale can never be off-limits.

LOGAN: I have to say, Ace, I like the new digs.
RORY: Yeah, it's really nice, huh? You haven't even seen the bedroom yet.
LOGAN: Wow!!!
RORY: What?
LOGAN: OK, fine! but don't think that this is gonna work a second time.
RORY: Oh, no, Logan, I didn't mean...No, I seriously meant that you hadn't seen the bedroom yet.
LOGAN: You're making me feel cheap, Ace.
RORY: Logan! I swear, I wasn't working blue.

ALWAYS A GODMOTHER, NEVER A GOD

RORY: Just give me a minute, and I'll go change.
LOGAN: No way! You've got that hot librarian thing going on. I like it. Grab a book. Let's go.

LANE: So, how's Logan?
RORY: Logan is... a constant surprise. I have trouble keeping up with him. He moves a mile a minute, gets bored in two seconds flat. He started flying those scary little planes that seem like they're made of papier-mache, which is thrilling, by the way. And, Logan's good.
LANE: Wow! Is this serious?
RORY: Seriously exciting.

LOGAN: Hey! How was the baptism?
RORY: Fine. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I'm not handling things particularly well these days.
LOGAN: Yeah, I know what you mean.
RORY: Logan, are you okay?
LOGAN: I had a talk with my father the other day, and apparently I'm going to graduate this year. I'm going to get my act together and I'm gonna become a Huntzberger.
RORY: What does that mean?
LOGAN: I'm going to start attending shareholder meetings, letting the boys see my face around. It means my preordained life is kicking in.
RORY: Oh, I'm sorry.
LOGAN: Hey, always read the fine print on the family crest.
RORY: You know, maybe you can talk to your dad and tell him how you feel.
LOGAN: Hey, how far away are you from the airport?
RORY: Why?
LOGAN: Let's go to New York.

WE'VE GOT MAGIC TO DO

RORY: Hello?
LOGAN: Oh, my God. Who was that?
RORY: My assistant. I forwarded my phone to hers.
LOGAN: You have an assistant?
RORY: Just for this DAR thing. I get a million calls.
LOGAN: well I consider myself lucky to be patched through.
RORY: You have priority clearance.

EMILY: Ah, yes! Well let me tell you this, Shira. We are just as good as you are. You don't think Rory is good enough for your son, as if we don't know Logan's reputation. We do. But he is welcome in our home anytime, and you should extend the same courtesy to Rory.
SHIRA: Emily...
EMILY: Now let's talk about your money. You were a two-bit gold digger, fresh off the bus from Hicksville when you met Mitchum at whatever bar you happened to stumble into. And what made Mitchum decide to choose you to marry amongst the pack of women he was bedding at the time, I'll never know. But hats off to you for bagging him. He's still a playboy, you know? Well, of course you know. That would explain why your weight goes up and down 30 pounds every other month. But that's your cross to bear. But these are ugly realities. No one needs to talk about them. Those kids are staying together for as long as they like. You won't stop them. Now, enjoy the event.

WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE

RORY: Hey, you went shopping?
LOGAN: Actually, I did.
RORY: For me?
LOGAN: For you.
RORY: Wow, what's the occasion?
LOGAN: Where is it written you need an occasion?

RORY: I've never had so many compliments about anything.
LOGAN: It's not the bag, Ace, it's the arm it's on.

RORY: So everything's cool?
LOGAN: Everything's cool.
RORY: Good. Logan -
LOGAN: Yeah?
RORY: I love you.
LOGAN: Wow. The lady who sold that purse to me said this was going to happen.
RORY: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spring that on you, I just - I wanted to say it, so I said it. But I don't expect anything. Believe me. I was in the position once where someone said that to me, completely out of the blue, and I was completely thrown. So, don't worry. You don't have to respond immediately. I mean, in fact, you don't have to say anything at all.
LOGAN: Look, I've told a lot of girls that I love them before and I didn't mean it. So, I'm not going to do that to you. Boy, that didn't come out right. It was supposed to sound a lot more -
RORY: Hey, you don't have to say anything at all.

TWENTY-ONE IS THE LONELIEST NUMBER

LOGAN: So, a 21st birthday. Big event.
RORY: I guess.
LOGAN: Would've been nice if I had known about it.

RORY: I'm just not excited about this particular birthday.
LOGAN: Why not?
RORY: Because I'm turning 21.
LOGAN: Yes...?
RORY: My mom and I have been planning for my 21st birthday since, well, my first memory is kindergarten, but I have a feeling she was talking about it before then. We had this whole big thing planned.
LOGAN: Yeah...?
RORY: We were gonna go to Atlantic City and sit at a blackjack table at 11:59, and we'd be playing 21 when I turned 21. We were gonna drink martinis and win money and go buy 21 things, and there was this thing including 21 guys that would be totally inappropriate now that I'm with you. But it was a pretty big thing, and...and now we're not talking, so it's not gonna happen. I'm just a little bummed. That's all.
LOGAN: I know you miss your mom. The concept's a little hard for me to grasp, but I know you do.

RORY: She found out we're having sex.
LOGAN: How the hell did she find that out?
RORY: I told her minister.
LOGAN: But-but why would you do that?
RORY: Because he was going on and on about my virtue being a gift. And now you have it, so I'm gonna have to buy the next guy a sweater. I just wanted him to stop.
LOGAN: And all this without a drink in my hand.
RORY: Come on. Let's get you a "rory". (they start walking towards the bar)
LOGAN: Ohh, dealing with this family is stressful.
RORY: Oh! Tell me about it. And once you've had that drink, I can tell you how I've been moved out of the pool house and into a room right next to my grandparents. So from now on, we'll have to have sex in our invisible suits. Two Rories, please.
LOGAN: Does your grandfather know, also?
RORY: Oh, yeah.
LOGAN: Make it four.

LET ME HEAR YOUR BALALAIKA'S RINGING OUT

LOGAN: (whispering) So, can you meet me out here tonight?
RORY: Why are you whispering?
LOGAN: Because you're whispering.
RORY: That's cute.

LOGAN: Writers are so sensitive.
RORY: You were a jerk, Logan.
LOGAN: I was just challenging him. Jeez. Hey, if Hemingway can take it, so can he. Hey, if he wanted to, he could have taken a pop at me. Pugnacity! It's a vital component of literary life. Again, consult your Hemingway. Come on. Do not let this guy get to you.
RORY: You're getting to me.
LOGAN: Me?
RORY: Yes. You were an ass.


RORY: He's doing something.
LOGAN: Good. Fine. He's doing something. Everybody in the world's doing something. More power to him.
RORY: I'm not. I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents.
LOGAN: That's temporary. Have a drink.
RORY: Temporary can turn into forever.
LOGAN: You're not living with the Gilmore’s forever.
RORY: I'm palling with my grandmother and being waited on by a maid. I come home, and my shoes are magically shined. My clothes are magically clean, ironed, and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm in the DAR? I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?
LOGAN: Again, temporary. Have a drink.
RORY: And wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out doing nothing.
LOGAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't pull me into this.
RORY: I didn't say anything about you.
LOGAN: Yes, you did. Don't make me feel guilty for your drinking and partying. That's your choice. I'm not forcing you. When I ask you out, you can say no.
RORY: It's all we do.
LOGAN: It's not all we do.
RORY: It's all you do.
LOGAN: Well, it's my prerogative, you know. You're damn straight. I'm gonna party. I'm gonna do it while I have the chance because come June, my life is over.
RORY: Oh, yes, your horrible life. Let's hear about it.
LOGAN: Got a week?
RORY: You have every door open to you. You have opportunities that anyone would kill for, including me.
LOGAN: No one's stopping you from making whatever you want happen. Go into journalism. Go into politics. Be a doctor. Be a clown. Do whatever you want.
RORY: It's not as easy when it's not handed to you.
LOGAN: Really? It's all so easy for me? (getting upset) I don't want that life. It's forced on me. You talk about all these doors being open? All I see is one door, and I'm being pushed through it. I have no choice. You try living without options.
RORY: How hard are you fighting it?
LOGAN: I didn't tell you to quit Yale. You did that. I gave you one month, you went beyond that month, and it had nothing to do with me. It was all you. Now, you want to change? Change it, but don't blame me. Don't you dare blame me. You know what? Why don't you go off with John, Jack, whatever his name is?
RORY: Oh, I'm not going off with Jess. (Logan sighs tired form the fight)
LOGAN: Come on.
RORY: Where?
LOGAN: Let's go. I want to go. I don't want to be here.
RORY: I don't want to go.
LOGAN: Well, I drove you here, and I want to go!
RORY: I don't want to go.
LOGAN: Fine. That'll cover the bill, cab. Do whatever you want. It's your choice.

HE'S SLIPPIN' 'EM BREAD... DIG?

HONOR: So, I thought I'd call and tell you what a drag it is, this thing with you and Logan.
RORY: Oh, yeah?
HONOR: When Logan said you two broke up, I almost threw a lamp at him.
RORY: Oh.
HONOR: Moron. He's his own worst enemy.
RORY: He told you that we broke up?
HONOR: Well, I was wondering where you were for Thanksgiving, and at first young Seacrest hemmed and hawed, which wasn't sufficient, so he finally told me. Idiot. Him, not you.
RORY: Right.
HONOR: I'm so sorry.

THE PERFECT DRESS

LOGAN: This place is a dump, Rory. You can't live here.
RORY: You don't get to care about where I live anymore, Logan. You broke up with me...through your sister.
LOGAN: I didn't mean for that to happen.
RORY: You're a coward. Mr."Life and Death Brigade" can't even break up with his girlfriend.
LOGAN: Honor was bugging me, and I just told her we broke up to shut her up. I needed some time.
RORY: So you didn't mean it?
LOGAN: No, I did. I just...it was too much for me, OK?
RORY: It was a fight. People fight.
LOGAN: Yeah, well I don't fight, I don't want to be screaming at you at a bar. I can't take that. It's too much drama.
RORY: Well, if you can't take the drama, then you shouldn't even be in a relationship, which, by the way, you're not, so everything's good.
LOGAN: It's not that easy.

RORY: Just go be somewhere else, Logan.
LOGAN: I thought that I wanted to break up. I thought that it was a stupid experiment, me trying to be a boyfriend, that it didn't work, and I'd just move on. And I didn't. Couldn't, actually. Rory...I love you.

Dr.SHAPIRO: You were arrested with your boyfriend?
RORY: Yes, I was.
Dr.SHAPIRO: Tell me about that.
RORY: About what? He was my boyfriend then, and now he's not.
Dr.SHAPIRO: He's not?
RORY: No, he's not. We broke up. No. Oh, no. I'm sorry. He broke up. I thought that we were just taking some time, but apparently I'm a moron.
Dr.SHAPIRO: Uh, this is Logan?
RORY: What, you have his name, too? Super. Do you also have the picture of him hijacking me in my hallway earlier today?
Dr.SHAPIRO: I'm sorry. What?
RORY: I mean how fair is that? He's gone, and then he shows up out of the blue. "You can't live here. This place is a dump. And, by the way, I love you". "I love you"?! Is he serious?!
Dr.SHAPIRO: I don't know.
RORY: Nothing for weeks, and then he just decides that he loves me. So, what happens now? I get another Birkin bag? And how long until he doesn't love me again, huh? I stole a boat with him! I never stole a boat with Dean!

JUST LIKE GWEN AND GAVIN

LOGAN: No. I'm doing everything I can. Flowers, gifts.
LORELAI: All your old standbys, huh?
LOGAN: Books, coffee cart. I'm trying to show her how I feel.
LORELAI: And it sounds like she's trying to show you how she feels.
LOGAN: Look, I figured this was a suicide mission, OK? It's probably something you and Rory will laugh about for years to come. But I'm not giving up until I exhaust all my options, and asking for your help is one of them.
LORELAI: Really?
LOGAN: Yes.
LORELAI: You're seriously here to ask for my help with Rory? This is not a joke?
LOGAN: I'm going for broke here.
LORELAI: Well...you got moxie, my friend, I'll give you that.
LOGAN: I think I get it from my dad.
LORELAI: I hate your dad.
LOGAN: Me too. See? We have things in common, you and me. Maybe this isn't so crazy.

LOGAN: Just tell me. Is there anything in there about giving me a second chance?
RORY: I'd have to reread it.
LOGAN: Please don't do that, Ace, come on. Come out with me. Let me make it up to you.
RORY: Maybe dinner.
LOGAN: When?
RORY: I'll have to check my schedule.
LOGAN: Check it.
RORY: I can't do it right now.
LOGAN: So?
RORY: I'll call you.
LOGAN: Good enough. Good enough.

FRIDAY NIGHT'S ALRIGHT FOR FIGHTING

RORY: Thank god I have a guardian angel hanging out by the coffee kiosk.

RORY: You have nothing better to do with your time?
LOGAN: Nothing better than to try and get you back, no.
RORY: You're too slick for your own good, Huntzberger.
LOGAN: Excuse me but this is not slick. This is a Nora Ephron movie. Louis Armstrong should be warbling as we talk. So come on please, put me out of my misery. You promised you'd let me take you to dinner.
RORY: How 'bout Thursday night?
LOGAN: Really?
RORY: Yeah, I'll have turned in my article for the daily news and my Friday morning history class was canceled this week.
LOGAN: Okay, great. Thursday it is 7:30. And do not think of backing out, because I will cry and eat a pint of rocky road while watching "An Affair to Remember." With Rita Wilson

LOGAN: I'll do that I’ll be faster I type 90 words a minute.
RORY: You do?
LOGAN: You really did only like me for my looks, huh?

LOGAN: Aw, man.
RORY: Why are you smiling?
LOGAN: I'm thinking about the hundreds of different ways you owe me for this.
RORY: I owe you nothing. You did this for the greater good. For the glory of the paper.
LOGAN: For a foot massage

RORY: So, I'm just saying that when that giant asteroid heads toward earth, I want you in that fighter jet.
LOGAN: Thanks for the vote of confidence.
RORY: You saved my ass.
LOGAN: Infinitely worth saving.

YOU'VE BEEN GILMORED

LOGAN: What are you talking about. Why do you need a place?
RORY: I got elected editor of the daily news.
LOGAN: What?… You did?
RORY: Yes.
LOGAN: Wow! Finally someone good running that place! Someone great! You're gonna be great!

LOGAN: Look, we'll figure this out. You said you got movers?
RORY: Starving students. How starving can they be if they can't come for five hours after you call? Plus, I heard the guy crunching on something during our call. Sounded like baked lay's.
LOGAN: And you've got nowhere to go, right?
RORY: Right-a-mundo.
LOGAN: Well...you can move in with me.
RORY: What?
LOGAN: Move in with me. Paris' place is a hole anyway. I never liked that you lived there. And that doo-wop group downstairs, I don't think they're an honest-to-goodness singing group.
RORY: Logan, that's really sweet, but I can't move in with you.
LOGAN: Why not? You're here half the time anyway. You've already got two dresser drawers, and right now, for a limited time, I'll throw in three more drawers and a set of Ginsu knives.
RORY: Really?
LOGAN: No. I have no idea where to get Ginsu knives.
RORY: It's kind of a big step, isn't it?
LOGAN: You need a place, I got the space. Don't you think it'll be fun?
RORY: Fun?
LOGAN: Come on, ace. You know what I mean. What do you say?
RORY: Well... I might need just one more drawer. I can put my socks in a shoebox under the bed.
LOGAN: Is that a yes?
RORY: I guess that's a yes.
LOGAN: Good

LORELAI: Okay, well, moving in, that's pretty big.
RORY: I know.
LORELAI: I mean, I don't know. I've never lived with a guy. There's that whole thing about the cow and the milk's free. I guess I would hate to think that you really moved in with him because there was a housing shortage, because it's a big step.
RORY: I love him.
LORELAI: Well, I want you to be happy.
RORY: I am happy, really happy.

A VINEYARD VALENTINE

RORY: I don't know, it just hit me. These could be the ones.
LORELAI: The ones?
RORY: The ones, you know?

BRIDESMAID REVISITED

RORY: I can't believe it, you didn't just cheat on me, you really cheated on me.
LOGAN: I didn't cheat on you.
RORY: Oh, so you didn't sleep with…
LOGAN: No, I did, but we were broken up.
RORY: No, you were broken up, not me. I thought we were just taking some time.
LOGAN: Apart, not seeing each other.
RORY: Yes, taking some time, not seeing each other for a while. That doesn't mean "broken up."
LOGAN: Oh, come on.
RORY: No! When… To break up, you have to tell the other person. You can't just decide that you're broken off and then just go off and...god, I can't believe I fell for all your stupid tricks, the coffee cart and going to my mother. You went to my mother. Why would you bother going through that? You had plenty of backup. What do you need me for?
LOGAN: Because I love you.

I'M OK, YOU'RE OK

LOGAN: Look, I understand that you're upset, and I really wish you hadn't found out like that, but I love you. You know that I love you. When I said that I was your boyfriend, I agreed to be faithful to you, which was a first for me. And I thought it was gonna be hard, but it wasn't. Then I asked you to move in with me, I asked you to move in with me, and I thought that was gonna be hard, but it wasn't. I have been completely faithful to you, Rory. I have not been with another girl.
RORY: Ha!
LOGAN: I've not even thought about another girl.
RORY: Except for Walker, Alexandra...
LOGAN: We were broken up, Rory.
RORY: No, you were.
LOGAN: I thought we were broken up. I thought that's what the fight was. I thought that's what the separation was. Do you believe me? Do you believe that I honestly thought we weren't together?
RORY: I guess.
LOGAN: So then, if you believe that, that I thought we weren't together, then do you believe that, in my mind, I was not cheating on you?
RORY: I guess.
LOGAN: So then if you believe that, in my mind, I was not cheating on you, do you think you can forget what those vipers said today, put it behind you, and just come home with me? Come on, Rory. Just come home with me. Let's forget this crappy day ever happened, just go home. [pause] You want to make a pro/con list?
RORY: Do not mock my pro/con list.
LOGAN: I am not mocking your pro/con list. I actually think the list will come out in my favor.

THE REAL PAUL ANKA

LOGAN: Even when we're together, you're someplace else. You leave, and you don't kiss me goodbye. Were at dinner, you're on your cell phone the whole time. You never leave notes anymore about where you're gonna be. So I have no idea where you are. You haven't forgiven me
RORY: What are you talking about?
[B]LOGAN For the girls I was with when we were separated.
RORY: I said I forgive you.
LOGAN: Yeah you said it, but you haven't, though. You haven't.

JESS: I don't deserve this, Rory.
RORY: No, you don't. You don't deserve it. I just... I'm in love with him. Despite all the bad he's done, I can't help it. I'm in love with him.

I GET A SIDEKICK OUT OF YOU

CHRISTOPHER: Listen, I want you to know that I like him. I like him, and I like you, and I like you and him together.
RORY: Well, good.
CHRISTOPHER: I just want you to know that I approve.

SUPERCOOL PARTY PEOPLE

RORY: I'm sorry.
LOGAN: About what?
RORY: About letting you go on this trip. I should have stopped you. I was just so busy being mad at you. I didn't think I was trying to punish you, but I was trying to punish you.
LOGAN: No, Rory.
RORY: I should have stopped you.
LOGAN: Hey, you couldn’t have stopped me. A team of psychiatrists with tranquilizer guns couldn't have stopped me. I was going no matter what. It’s my fault. Do not feel guilty about this.
RORY: I just sent you out that door. I didn't even care. I was so cold. I just, I could have lost you.
LOGAN: You didn't lose me.
RORY: But I could have, though.
LOGAN: Look I'm the one screwing things up with us here, not you. I'm sorry you're in the hospital right now. I'm sorry about all of this. I don't what's going on with me, but I'll get better, okay? Things will calm down. I just need you to bear with me, okay? Okay?
RORY: Okay.

DRIVING MISS GILMORE

PARTINGS

THE LONG MORROW

LORELAI'S FIRST COTTILION

'S WONDERFUL, 'S MARVELOUS

THE GREAT STINK

INTRODUCING LORELAI PLANETARIUM

KNIT, PEOPLE, KNIT

MERRY FISTICUFFS

SANTA'S SECRET STUFF

I'D RATHER BE IN PHILIDELPHIA

FAREWELL, MY PET

I'M A KAYAK, HEAR ME ROAR

WILL YOU BE MY LORELAI GILMORE?

GILMORE GIRLS ONLY

HAY BALE MAZE

LORELAI? LORELAI?

UNTO THE BREACH

BON VOYAGE