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That sounds incredibly aweet of him Theresa!!!
My biggest issue is that I still talk too little. I've been the quiet one for all my life with a bit of bubbly moments here and there. My most chatty is when I can type it all up bc somehow it's what does the trick to me, plus english has a key to some other part of me that's always been too shy (or ashamed) to express in my mother tongue.
So it's a big issue, one that I must overstep in hopes to fix whats broken..
And quite broken it is..
He called me to tell he's better off alone and like 10 minutes later calls back and asks whether we can get along. 'Course I say yes. I can't say anything else when I feel like I can't live without him anymore.
It may feel as a sick, twisted thing bc we mostly torture each other in some small ways, near constantly, however I feel like I've finally gotten a true addiction and refuse to try without it.
Maybe I'm not normal, but that I knew, never been a normal thing in my life. Not at least by this country's society standards.
But I lived with that as long I had fanfiction, tv shows, roleplay and my big, sick, twisted story in my weird brain that I kept up for years as a way to fall asleep better (like writing a fictional story just instead of a computer I did it in my mind)
Anyway, the point is that I've gotten one more last chance to fix that broken trust bc I've f*kin dunit. I've lied, avoided truth, fabricated one thought while changing it next time asked. I've been a con in hopes for something I cannot explain, and it bit me right in the arse with all the bells and jingles.
Now I'm left with a line reverbating though my skull: I don't good with you anymore...
And it f*kin' bloody hurts bc my intentions were pure, just my f*ked up mind would always put up a defense I never needed.
So I just read Gone Girl and realized that in some way we might turn like this.. we already are a bit like that.
And I truly and greatly understand Tauriel from Hobbit in the Five Armies at the end where she said she'd liked to have love erased from her so she'd never feel such pain of loosing her lover...
I often feel the same way... but in the end I'm just an addict...
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