That's weird.
I finally found this post.
woman of action | A Monster Or A Man
A Monster Or A Man
I had an abrupt revelation when rewatching Spike’s famous speech in “The Gift”. Sure, I’ve seen it or heard it dozens, maybe hundreds of times. It’s somewhere in my top 10 favorite Spike/Buffy moments for sure. Everyone knows it. But this time, I heard something different in his words.
That moment is not universally loved. I’ve heard fans complain that the writers were being lazy, giving Spike & Buffy a meaningful moment based on nothing so they could speed up their development artificially. Others have faulted Spike himself for crediting Buffy with something she never did.
The contention is never with “I know you’ll never love me” - Spike, at least, believes this at this moment in time, and it’s echoed two season later when Buffy confesses her love and he doesn’t believe her. Nor is it with his acknowledgement, “I know that I’m a monster.” Spike has always been portrayed as a fairly self-aware vamp - he knows what he’s doing is wrong, he just doesn’t care. He’s having fun. No, those who find a problem in the scene point out, “But you treat me like a man. And that’s…” as flawed.
Does Buffy treat him like a man? We’re not considering season 6, here, but simply seasons 2-5. She distrusts him. She insults him. She laughs off his declaration of love. She attacks him even when he can’t hurt her back. This is not a discussion of whether such actions are warranted, simply whether they match up with this merciful picture Spike seems to painting of her.
We could brush it off, attribute it to rose-colored glasses. But Spike hated her before he loved her (even if he was attracted to her from the start), so that doesn’t seem right. He, more than anybody, knows her flaws. No, I think something deeper is going on here.
Buffy treats him like a man precisely because she expects more of him. In “Lovers Walk” (3x8), she is angry with him for breaking his word that he would not return. His word? Buffy, since when do you trust the word of a non-Angel vampire? She treats him like a man because she does not coddle or pity him after the chip. Instead of ending their enmity because of his inability to fight back, she mostly transfers the physical aggression to verbal.
She treats him like a man by expecting him to share his information about Slayers in 5x7 “Fool For Love”. Sure, she goes straight for the attack, but then she wines and dines him. She knows she needs him, needs the information that he has, and she respects that. And in battle, she may not trust him as much as he’d like, but she doesn’t try to protect him despite his value. She believes he can take care of that on his own.
She’s shocked when he confesses his love (the first time) in 5x14 “Crush”. Later, she seems to expect him to know it’s wrong, and he admits that he does. She finally uninvites him from her house - which she didn’t do even after he made himself welcome back in S3 - and she seems to be shocked that he would do that.
Buffy gets mad about the bot. Notice everyone else’s reactions - Willow seems fascinated, Giles a little disgusted, Dawn amused, and Xander even pities Spike. But Buffy seems shocked and outraged, and surprised that no one else feels that way. They take it for granted that he would be capable of that - she doesn’t. She holds him personally accountable for it in a concentrated rage that we don’t see attributed to other vampire’s wrongs (except, of course, Angel’s). And although she didn’t think him capable of withstanding Glory’s torture, when he does he gets another little step up on his pedestal. Suddenly, he’s in her inner circle - she trusts him to get a vehicle, to lead them, to take care of Dawn more and more. Perhaps most tellingly, she takes him at his word when he says he would die for her (in 5x19 “Tough Love” and again in 5x22 “The Gift”).
Nobody has ever expected much from William/Spike. His mother loved him, but seemed to accept him and not push him to be more ambitious. Drusilla made him mostly as a plaything. Angelus saw little merit in him at first, and although he eventually exploited Spike’s potential, he also demeaned him and insulted him at every turn. Darla seemed to have little use for him at all. Harmony just wanted a cuddle buddy. But here is Buffy (and Dawn, and Joyce, because they all fill this role in Spike’s live), and she is disappointed in him when he fails or betrays them. She expects more of him, which in turn leads him to strive to be better. She treats him like a man.