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You're the one who brought him up. I pride myself on my accuracy as a law student so I'm afraid your post didn't make much sense to me. If you don't want to read about Evelyn, why read my posts?
I agree with some of your analysis but certainly not all.
She's a selfish person, I admit that, but she's also one of my favorite characters--because with Mary, nothing is simple. A lot of her caring actions are guided by her own interest but you could say that about anyone--because selflessness in and of itself is rare.
I do think she's being ridiculous about Edith but that doesn't take away from the fact that she has shown compassion and can show compassion. I feel like that's the main argument for this idea that she's a horrible person. It isn't that black and white.
The patriarchal society focus is something Fellowes tried to get us to sympathize with--it may not have worked for all of us as seen here, but that was the intention. In plain terms, Fellowes is Mary's baby and he's going to spoil her.
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Oh, her treatment of Edith isn't the only thing about her that bothers me. She's done and said other things that I consider selfish, rude and calculating. I basically think she's a narcissist and when it comes to Edith kind of of a sadist. And I mean that seriously.
That doesn't mean she can't be compassionate and caring, of course. She can be. Although I think it tends to happen when it requires little to no sacrifice on her part, or even when she knows it will bear its own rewards for her.
But frankly, I wouldn't mind all of this if Fellowes didn't adore and spoil her so much, because he does so as blatantly as her parents do and it doesn't do her or the story any favors IMO. And if she would treat her sister better I would like her better too. Because as much as Fellowes spoils Mary, he punishes Edith.
Mary knows the vast disparity in their fortunes and she doesn't give a damn. She pours salt in the wound. That, to me, is antisocial behavior (in the clinical sense) and weighs heavily against her in my assessment of her character.