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But Tom spoke only about the war and not about the memorial. Sarah went on that a memorial was a "waste of money" and a reminder of a senseless war. I don't agree with her there, even though she IS right about the war.
About Robert shutting Tom down: It was not the right place to discuss politics and that was why Tom apologized later. Not for his opinion, just for the chosen moment.
Robert tried to lighten the mood right after it though, but then Bunting stepped in again.
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I don't think he needed to apologize for himself. He didn't raise the subject, after all. Sarah did. But when she spoke her mind about the war itself he weighed in on her side. That's all. He didn't start the argument: Sarah said something, Robert replied, she spoke again and Tom said
"well, I agree with her there." He didn't choose the moment and I don't see why he should have to be the one to diffuse the bomb or lighten the mood. Once the discussion started it was fair game. And again, he wasn't rude about it.
The thing is....when IS it the right time to discuss politics with these people? Never. In S3 Matthew asked Tom about the situation in Ireland and he answered honestly. Then everyone got butthurt about it. He answered a question and got punished for it. Whenever anyone (including Sybil) mentions something political at a meal, he/she gets shut down or someone changes the subject. So what ends up happening? Progressive-minded people like Tom and Isobel are marginalized and silenced all the time.
Now, Sarah is different because she was a first-time guest, no one asked for her opinion and she expressed it in a rude way. But Tom is a member of the family, the conversation had already started and he expressed it in a diplomatic way. So IMO, he did nothing wrong and did NOT owe Robert an apology. Of course he gave it because he is a better, more mature and smarter man than Robert is. But it's ridiculous that he always has to be the bigger man while people defer to Robert even when he's being rude or arrogant.