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Throwing a book is not a reckless action in and of itself. I can easily see Mary doing exactly the same thing in a moment of self pity, particularly after Matthew died. We've seen her throw things in anger before, like her handkerchief for example. This is a careless mistake but not a "reckless" one. Driving drunk or leaving a burning cigarette by the bed are reckless. Throwing a book in an empty room is not. The chance of it landing in the fire were very small, so the fact that she didn't foresee it is understandable.
Edith would never knowingly do anything that might endanger someone. This is just an unlucky mistake. House fires were a lot more common back then and could start in all sorts of unforeseen ways. But Mary will see her as having been reckless and stupid and behaving dangerously. Even though the fact is it could easily have happened to her too. But this proves your point: when we don't like someone, we are more inclined to judge them unfairly for their honest mistakes.
No, Tom never got angry with Robert which was highly unrealistic. Anger is a stage in the grief process and almost everyone experiences it. Everyone grieves differently but anger is virtually always part of the process.
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