Aw, I'm sorry you've had those experiences!
I can see how that'd trigger some pretty bad feelings, that definitely has an effect on what you're seeing.
Even now, 6 seasons into their relationship, Castle still regresses into that childish jackass but Beckett has just learned to take that part of him with a grain of salt.
And occasionally, Beckett hints at some kinkiness which teases him right back. She can deliver it just as good as he can, it's that dance that makes those two so exciting as a couple.