Actually, Stefan seemed pretty in control of himself and his blood lust when he was in MF terrorizing Elena for the sake of taking revenge on Klaus. When Stefan is uncontrollably tearing people apart and killing a whole village of people, that's him being the "ripper", where he is acting like a mindless beast... But Stefan who was making careful plans on how to take Klaus down, threatening to turn Elena, who could care less about Jeremy etc. was simply "bad Stefan" on a vengeance quest. So I don't think Stefan gets to have a "pass" on all his bad actions just because he also happens to be "ripper".
That is one of the problems actually, that whatever he does gets shrugged off as if it was done by someone completely different (like Stefan turns into some other person when he is bad Stefan who has nothing to do with Stefan) and no one even mentions it or gives him the cold shoulder for it (I think Jeremy did for a few epis but that's about it), but when Damon does something bad, it is all about how he is bad at his "core", like something is just bad about him, humanity or no humanity.
Fact is vampires, when they have their humanity off, will do horrible things. (Stefan's ripper thing takes it one step further, where he risks turning into a mindless beast at times). And when they have their humanity on, they need to fight their "bad" impulses all the time and also suffer from their personality faults (at a heightened level). It is the same for all of them.
I think one factor why Elena forgave Stefan so easily was her own feelings of guilt, btw. I think she was feeling guilty for having feelings for Damon and thinking at some level she wronged Stefan... And I'd say she is more forgiving of things done to her than for things done to those she cares about, especially Jeremy.
Anyway, back to the thread's subject, Elena and Damon. I am curious as to how she'll react now. It can actually go various ways. She can blame Damon totally and break things of, she can put some blame on Damon and there might be some minor problems between them, or she can put all the blame entirely on Katherine and see Damon as a victim, too , etc...
I am really hoping for the last one, but I have learned to be distrustful.
That is not to say Damon's actions should be shrugged off, btw. I just don't want "others" (especially Elena) to put all the blame on him and distance themselves from him. Rather, I'd like them to be supportive and understanding and have it be Damon who is frustrated with himself (but not to the point of self-hatred and pity!) and showing determination to do better and have more control in the future. I want him to grow from all this and become stronger, for himself. Assuming the writers are actually interested in a growth story and will let him have one.
