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Old 11-02-2011, 02:03 AM
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Flygirl27 - welcome to the board! I'll PM you how to access the script. (And as a heads up, try not to double post in the future.)

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The Ornithophobia Diffusion

At the start of the episode, when they introduce the main cast right before they start... It's always just been the original five, even when Melissa and Mayim were bumped from guest stars to regulars last season. But tonight for the first time they were introduced in the opening with the others, and that made me really happy.


Leonard’s checking his mail in the lobby when Penny walks in and says hey. He says hey, and asks if she worked the lunch shift. She says yeah, and says she brought home 9 pounds of salmon, then asks if he likes salmon. Leonard says not really. Penny says she should have liberated the iffy chicken instead.

Up to the first floor. Penny asks Leonard what he and Dr. something-face are doing tonight (can’t remember what she called Sheldon). Leonard says Star Wars on bluray. Penny asks, haven’t you seen that movie like a thousand times? Leonard says not on bluray, only twice on bluray. Penny says, oh, Leonard. Leonard says he knows, “it’s hi-def sadness.”

Onto the second floor. Penny says she was planning on taking herself out to a movie, if he wants to come with her. Leonard asks, do we do that? She asks do what. He says they haven’t really hung out just the two of them since they broke up. Penny says it’s not a date, it’s just a man and a woman hanging out, and not having sex at the end of the night. Leonard says that sounds like most of his dates.

And that would only get them up to the third floor, but I can not for the life of me remember dialogue that would have gotten them up another flight of stairs.

But once they’re walking up to the fourth floor, they hear Sheldon yelling from inside the apartment, something like, “get away from me, you monster!” Penny asks what he’s yelling at. Leonard says given his IQ and level of craziness, he might have built himself a real monster.

They enter the apartment to find Sheldon by the back window, trying to shoo away a bird that’s on the ledge. Penny asks, really, you’re scared of birds? Sheldon says that it’s called ornithophobia, and one day it will be recognized as a disease, and landlords will have to cover their apartment buildings with giant nets… which is too bad, because he’s scared of nets too.

Penny asks Leonard, so, the movie? Leonard says yes, movie sounds good. She says she’ll see him later, and as she walks out says, “Remember, he’s more scared of you than you are of him.” Sheldon tells her that doesn’t help. Penny says she was talking to the bird.

Sheldon taps on the window, and says “go away bird,” then repeats it another two times (like his knocks). Leonard tells Sheldon to just ignore the bird. Sheldon says right, because birds crave attention! And he pulls the curtains closed. On the first take, the curtains on one side got caught on something and didn’t fully close, so Jim grabbed it to pull them shut, but then it knocked something over on the desk, and Jim gave up and said, “I can only do so much.”

Sheldon goes to sit at his spot, but the bird squawks loudly from outside. Sheldon jumps back up, pulls aside the curtain to look at the bird through the window, and tells Leonard to make some tea, because it’s going to be a long night.


Sheldon’s making cat noises at the window, trying to scare the bird, but nothing works. Leonard walks up from the hallway, and Sheldon asks him what kind of noise a hawk makes. Leonard says he doesn’t really know, but tries to imitate one. Sheldon says that’s a seagull, and tells Leonard not to do anything if he’s not going to be useful.

Leonard asks Sheldon if Sheldon thinks that Leonard’s overdressed. (Leonard’s wearing a nice shirt and coat.) Sheldon says that’s depending what the activity is. Is he overdressed for a colonoscopy? Yes. Then Sheldon had another example that I forgot.

Leonard says he’s going out with Penny, but he doesn’t want her to think that he thinks it’s a date. Sheldon says that Leonard knows it’s not a date. Leonard says yes, but she might not think that he thinks that. Sheldon says (and I’m pretty sure this is the gist of it) that maybe Leonard will think that Penny thinks that Leonard thinks that it’s a date, but she really doesn’t think that. Leonard says he’s just going with what he’s wearing. Sheldon asks, really, a sports coat? So Leonard takes of his jacket and goes back to his room.

Sheldon picks up the phone, dials, and says he’d like to report a dangerous animal. It’s a bird. He asks, this is the animal control center, yes? Then why are you laughing? Sheldon say no, it’s not inside, if it was he would have called 911. Then he says yes, he already tried making cat noises.

He hangs up as Leonard comes back, now wearing a plain t-shirt and a backwards baseball cap. Leonard asks if he’s too casual. Sheldon says for meeting the Queen, yes. For passing around a wine bottle around a fire, he’ll fit right in. Leonard goes back to his room.

Sheldon grabs a piece of paper and draws on it, then goes back to the window and holds it over his face (he drew a simple cat face) and meows at the bird again. The bird stays put. Sheldon looks at his drawing, and realizes he forgot the whiskers.


Leonard and Penny are at the movie theater, looking up at the showings. Penny says if they hurry they can catch the new Jennifer Aniston movie. Leonard says sure, or, there’s a great documentary on building a dam on a river in South America. Penny say but the Jennifer Aniston movie has Jennifer Aniston, and none of that. Then her line was changed to it has Jennifer Aniston, and she’s not building a dam.

Leonard says fine, you can’t argue with that, and steps up to get the tickets. But then he stops, and turns back around, and says actually, he thinks it’s time that he gets to pick a movie. Penny says he picked movies all the time. Leonard says no, Penny always picked, and it’s always the same story, an hour and a half of a lake house in the rain, and then the woman turns around to see that the love of her life was there all along! Penny says that’s a great movie, and it’s starting in 10 minutes!

Leonard says he hates those movies. (On the first take, Johnny said, “I hate that movie,” then stopped, and said, “that’s not the line.”) Penny says he loves those movies. Leonard says no, he just agreed to see them so he could sleep with her. And now every time he sees a Sandra Bullock billboard he gets both bored and aroused. (Johnny had a bit of trouble on that line… He got through it, but you could tell it sounded awkward. So then “billboard” was changed to “movie poster.”)

Penny asks him how often he lied about what he liked so he could have sex. First, Leonard’s response was “all the time.” Then it changed to, “does this sound familiar?” And Leonard says, “Sure, I’d love to go shoe shopping with you! Hiking, yes, it’s great! Two AM, do I want do go sing karaoke with your friends in Korea Town? Sure, who wouldn’t?” On the first take, Johnny said, “Two AM - ******* me!” And they paused so he could get the line, and then before they continued he came over to the audience and took the mike, and said he just wanted to apologize to all the minors in the audience. There was a little girl front row, center, and Johnny said, “especially you” to her.

Penny tells him they were going out, he would have gotten sex anyway. Leonard asks, would you really have slept with me after a 3 hour documentary on dams? Penny says no, no woman would. Leonard says that’s what’s great about them hanging out now, it’s not a date, so the sex is completely off the table. And he wants to see the documentary, and says that they can learn about how the… something I forgot, isn’t always the best economically… Then he adds, sorry, spoiler alert!

She gives in and says fine, they can see the documentary. Leonard thanks her and says he’ll get the tickets, but then turns around again and tells her tickets are 11 dollars. She stares, and he reminds her it’s not a date, so she reaches for her purse.


Howard and Raj are sitting on the couch, while Sheldon messes with some large device back by the window. Raj tells Sheldon to hurry up, or they’re going to press play. Howard tells Sheldon that if he takes any longer, George Lucas will change the movie again. Sheldon tells Howard that this would go much faster if Howard would put his trade school degree to use. Howard tells him he got his masters from MIT. Sheldon says it’s that kind of can-do attitude that will help right now.

So Howard gets up to work on the machine, while Sheldon joins Raj on the couch. Raj says he doesn’t get what Sheldon’s problem with birds is. Sheldon says the real question is what problem do birds have with him. Sheldon says one of his earliest memories is being dive bombed in his stroller by a hummingbird who was after his apple juice.

Raj says that hummingbirds are pretty. Sheldon says they’re the vampires of the flower world. Raj says that a hummingbird is his first choice for an ankle tattoo - that or a dolphin, he keeps going back and forth. Sheldon tells him that when he was 7, a blood thirsty chicken chased him up a tree. When he was 12, a magpie tried to steal his retainer while he was wearing it. When he was 16, a parrot in a pet store called him a fat ass. Sheldon says he doesn’t think he needs to go on.

On the first take, Raj told him to keep going, “this is better than the movie.” Then it was changed to, “keep going, fat ass.” The first time they changed it, Raj said it with quite a bit of laughter. Then it was changed and toned way down, so he said it more with a straight face. The first time Kunal did the toned down version, he thought that still wasn’t right, and was looking towards the assistant-director for notes. They paused, and Kunal stood to go ask if it was okay, and Jim asked him where he was going. And Jim said something to Kunal like, “Stop judging it, we’ll be here all night.”

Howard says the death ray is finished. (Starting here, the rest of the scene was pre-taped.) As Sheldon and Raj go over to the window, Sheldon says it’s not a death ray - if he had a death ray, he wouldn’t be living there, he’d be in his lair with all the money the people of Earth gave him to not use his death ray on them. Sheldon turns on the machine, and it makes a high pitched noise which cracks all the glass in the windows, but doesn’t bother the bird.

Howard and Raj decide to head out and do something else. Raj says he really wants to see the new Jennifer Aniston movie. Howard says he say it already with Bernadette. Raj says Howard’s unbelievable.


Leonard and Penny are sitting at a table at a bar. Leonard tells Penny he knows she liked the movie, he saw her crying when the village flooded and everyone had to relocate. Penny says no, she was thinking why do they get to leave, and she can’t?

Leonard says he’s going to get some fries, and asks if she wants anything. Penny says she’s fine. Leonard asks if she’s sure, because that’s always what she said before, but then she’d end up eating half of his fries. Penny says just the small crunchy ones that he didn’t like. Leonard says those were his favorites, and he’d save them all for the end, but they were gone because he let her eat them, “and do you know why?” Penny says so he’d get sex. Leonard says but they’re not on a date tonight, so he’ll ask again, does she want anything? Penny say she’ll have some fries. Leonard tells her that’s five dollars. She gives him the money, and he says he’s having a great time, and he’s glad they decided to hang out.

Penny turns around to hang her purse on the back of her chair, and bumps into a guy sitting right behind her, working on a laptop. She apologizes, then asks what he’s writing. He says a screenplay about a guy whose roommate is having sex, and kicked him out to work on his screenplay at the bar. Penny reads off the computer, “I Hope [Roommate’s Name] Gets Crabs, The Movie.” He tells her it’s just the working title. She introduces herself, and he says his name is Kevin.

Leonard comes back to the table, and Kevin says he’ll let her get back to her date. Penny says oh, it’s not a date, right Leonard? He says right. So Penny turns back towards Kevin and asks if he’s written anything she might have seen, and he says that depends on how much time she spends on Leonard sits alone, and looks up and says, “Oh, look, a sporting match… go red hockey team.”


Sheldon’s trying to watch Star Wars, but the bird keeps making noise outside. Sheldon stands and says this is ridiculous, he’s a grown man from Texas, and that’s not even a large scary bird like a swan or goose, it’s just a bluebird. He opens the window and looks at it, then closes it again and says it’s a large bluebird.

He goes over to the closet, and puts on a helmet and grabs a broom, then goes back and opens the window again, and swipes at the bird with the broom. The bird ends up flying inside the apartment, and settling on Sheldon’s spot.

SCENE 7 - bar 2

Penny’s now moved from her and Leonard’s table to sit with Kevin at his. She’s telling him that it’s a great documentary, the people need the hydroelectricity, but at the same time they want to preserve nature. Leonard, still sitting alone, says to himself he can’t believe it. Then he stands and asks Penny if he can talk to her for a second. She says sure, and apologizes to Kevin, then steps aside with Leonard.

He says he knows what she’s going - she’s going out of her way to talk to that guy because Leonard said they’re not on a date. Penny says no, she’s talking to him cause he’s cute. Leonard says he’s not that cute. Penny says yes he is, with his geeky t-shirt and little hipster glasses. Leonard says he wears geeky t-shirts and glasses! Penny says yeah, but Kevin’s tall and handsome, so he’s going it ironically. On the second take, “handsome” was changed to “has good cheekbones.”

Leonard asks, so what if I start talking to a girl? Penny says go ahead, he should. Leonard says he’s serious. Penny says sure, and points out some girls in the back, and tells him to go talk to them. When he hesitates, she asks what he’s waiting for, and he says, “They’re in a group, I’m scared.”


Amy and Bernadette are now over at the guys’ apartment, looking at the bird standing on Sheldon’s spot. (They did this scene live - though just once - and the bird kept hopping from the spot to the couch’s arm before they could start.) They then turn to Sheldon, who’s practically standing outside in the hallway, peering around the barely open door, and Amy asks him what he wants them to do. Sheldon says they’re biologists, they can get rid of it. Bernadette says but she studied microbiology, not birds, and Amy studied the brain. Sheldon says they must have had a class on vermin and rodents.

Bernadette goes up to the bird, and slowly reaches her hand towards it. Sheldon tells her not to be a hero, but the bird hops onto her hand, and she says it’s sweet. (The first time Melissa approached the bird, it flew away instead, landing somewhere else in the apartment.) Bernadette says she thinks it might be someone’s pet, and tells Sheldon to come back in. Sheldon says great, they got it, now flush it down the toilet.

Amy tells Sheldon the only way to get over his fear is to interact with it, like he did with the mailman. Bernadette holds the bird towards Sheldon and tells him to pet it. Sheldon slowly reaches out towards the bird, but pulls back at the last second. Bernadette yells at him to just “touch the bird, you big baby!” Sheldon finally does, and is excited that he succeeded, then tells Bernadette to flush it again.


Leonard’s talking to a woman at a table. On the first take, Leonard’s trying to act cool and tells her his glasses aren’t even prescription, he’s just wearing them ironically. She laughs and says he’s funny. Leonard asks, “I am?” Then he says, “Let me rephrase that as a statement, ‘I am.’” On the second take, instead the woman asks him what he likes to do for fun. Leonard says hiking… karaoke in Korea town… any Jennifer Aniston movie.

Penny walks up and tells Leonard she’s sorry she ditched him. Leonard says no, it’s fine, ditch away. Penny says no, they said they’d hang out, so let’s hang out. Leonard asks what happened to Kevin. Penny says he had to go. Leonard says interesting, he’s gone, so now you want to hang out. The woman says, “you must be Penny.” Leonard confirms, and the woman says she totally gets it. Penny asks, get what? Leonard says it’s nothing. Penny says she wants to know what he told her. Leonard says that’s between him and… The woman supplies her name, Laura.

Penny says well when he was talking to you, did he mention that he owns not just one, but two Star Trek uniforms? Laura asks, really? Penny says yup, and he wears them too, not just for Halloween. Leonard says hey, pal, you didn’t see me telling Kevin that you thought cold wars were only fought in the winter. Penny says then she’ll return the favor and won’t tell… - Laura supplies her name again - that half of the adult movies Leonard has are animated. Leonard asks if when she was telling Kevin about her acting career, if she mentioned her long-running role as a waitress in the local production of The Cheesecake Factory. Penny asks if he told her about his lucky asthma inhaler. Leonard tells her to spell asthma.

Penny glares at him, then tells him to take her home. (On the last take, Penny said, “A - S… Take me home.”) Leonard said he’s not done hanging out with - but he looks over, and Laura’s gone. So he says yeah, you’re right, it’s late, and they leave.


Sheldon’s sitting on his spot, with the bird on his arm, Bernadette and Amy are still there. (Again, with the bird, they only ran through the scene once… So I’m sure there’s a bit more to it that I’m forgetting.) Sheldon says something about how much he’d missed, or how wrong he’d been about the bird. He tells Bernadette that his phone is by his computer, and asks her to take a picture of him with the bird, and make sure it’s good enough for a mouse pad, and he listed off some other things (like a mug I think?).

Bernadette takes the picture, then says she still thinks the bird is someone’s pet. Sheldon says than they should make posters with a big picture, and the text, “Is this your bird? Not anymore.” Sheldon realizes that he hasn’t offered the bird a beverage yet, and then holds up a small cup of water for it to drink from. He says if it was a dove, he’d name if Lovey Dovey. Then he says something like now’s not the time to be rational, Lovey Dovey it is.

Amy tells Sheldon that if he’s keeping the bird, she has a cage he can use… one of her monkeys escaped, slipped on a banana peel, and broke it’s neck. She said it was sad, but also hilarious, and laughs a little as she says it. (Except that Mayim laughed a little too much on the first take, which then made Jim laugh, and Mayim said “it is hilarious!”) Sheldon moves the bird from his arm to the couch arm, and says that Lovey Dovey won’t need a cage. (The first time Jim tried to move the bird, it flew away instead. The bird trainer had a thin, almost invisible string attacked to the bird’s foot, so he used that to help bring the bird back down. Then the bird wasn’t wanting to move off of Jim’s arm when they tried again… Jim said something about the hot lights, and it was scary, so he was staying put.)

But Sheldon walks towards the window, and says Lovey Dovey has a nest that Sheldon will bring in for him to sleep in, and asks, “How’s that sound, LD?” He opens the window and reaches out for the nest (and starting with that the rest is pre-taped again), but the bird flies outside and away. Sheldon calls out for the bird to come back, and says he’d already bought bird seed on Amazon.


Leonard and Penny walk in the apartment lobby. On the wall next to the elevator is a paper with a picture of Sheldon holding the bird (the picture Bernadette took), with the words “Reward” at top, and below instructions to email Sheldon if you’ve seen the bird. They pause, look at it, and each other, then continue up the stairs wordlessly.

They walk up the first couple floors in silence, and then as they start going up the third floor, Leonard says, so they went out, saw a movie, met some nice people, said horrible things about each other in public, all together a magical night. Penny says she knows she’s not innocent, “but you basically called me stupid, you asthmatic jerk.”

Next floor. Leonard says he knows he crossed a line, and he’s sorry. Penny keeps walking, but Leonard stops her, and says it’s not like when they were going out and he’d apologize just to get in bed - he really means it. Penny says okay, and she’s sorry too. Leonard asks, to confirm, the sex really is off the table, right? Penny says way off the table. Leonard says maybe it’s too soon for them to just hang out as friends after all.

Penny says that up until the very end she was having a good time, and she actually liked Leonard standing up for himself, picking the movie, knowing what he wanted, with a backbone… As she talked she walked closer to Leonard. Leonard says in that case, he’s putting the sex back on the table. But then he starts babbling, saying if that’s what she wants, cause he’ll be whatever kind of guy she wants. Penny just tells him goodnight, and goes into her apartment, and as Leonard opens his door he says to himself he is an asthmatic jerk.

Between floors at one point, Kaley was jingling Penny’s keys, then Johnny starting jingling the keys he was holding. Kaley said something like, “If you have em, shake em!” And then Kaley was holding the keys up and shaking them towards the boom mikes, saying something to the guys up there about testing the sound. When they finished their scenes, Johnny and Kaley went to high-five each other, and then they hugged.

Inside the apartment Sheldon’s crouching by the coffee table, which has a bulky towel, and a heat lamp over it. Leonard says he had a weird night, and asks how was Sheldon’s. Sheldon says he’s going to be a mommy, and lifts up the towel to show the nest with an egg in it.


And so my two cents on the episode... I really hated how they reduced Leonard and Penny's relationship to, like the press release said, practically friends with benefits. Yeah, they had their problems, and both needed to grow before they can come together again to really make things work, but that doesn't mean their relationship meant nothing.

Still, I loved that it was basically a LP episode. And I liked seeing Leonard have a backbone, and liked that Penny liked that too. And obviously the feelings are still there (otherwise they wouldn't have any issue hanging out just as friends, after all this time), so I still think we're on course for an eventual reunion down the road.
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Last edited by ennaxor; 11-02-2011 at 02:10 AM
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