Here's tonight's report! Special thanks to Suzzanne, who was awesome and let me use her extra ticket to go to the taping. And a shout out to Gilly (though I'm afraid I spelled that wrong), who I met at the taping, and she said that she lurks on fanforum!
The episode is called The Zazzy Substitution.
Scene 1 - The Cheesecake Factory
Leonard, Raj, and Howard are all at a table. Leonard starts to ask them if they read some paper on super-solids, but Raj puts his fingers in his ears, and stars going lalalala to block Leonard out. Then Raj says “Spoiler alert!” and says that he’s printed out the PDF to read when he’s on the potty.
Howard stars at him and asks, potty? Raj says yes, it’s cute, and asks what he calls is. Howard says toilet. Raj asks, don’t you think that’s a little vulgar for the dinner table? Howard then asks, and what do you do on the potty, wee-wee? Raj says yes, unless he has to boom-boom.
Sheldon and Amy then enter and sit with them, Sheldon apologizing for being late. Amy says that it’s her fault, she had to stop to buy feminine hygiene products. Sheldon says apparently she is on her menzie. Amy says no, she just doesn’t like to be surprised, so she uses one constantly.
The rest of the guys cringe at that. Howard leaned over to Raj, and said, “Toilet’s looking pretty good now, huh?” and Raj nodded. Then the line was changed to Howard saying something like it made toilet sound like poetry.
Scene 2 - Same place
Penny walks up to the table, excited to see “Shamy.” Amy asks her what Shamy is. Sheldon explains that it’s her juvenile combination of their first names. Amy says she doesn’t like that, and asks Penny not to use it.
Penny says okay then, what’s new? Amy says that she just discovered that Penny refers to them as Shamy, which she doesn’t like. Penny says no, she meant what’s new in her life. Amy says that her life is subject to entropy, decay, and eventual death like everyone else’s. Then she turns to Sheldon and asks why Penny’s not taking their order.
Sheldon says sorry, he forgot to tell her that it’s necessary to jump through a bunch of silly social hoops there before she’ll serve them. Amy says that from a restaurant named the Cheesecake Factory, she’d expected it to be more efficiently ran. Then Penny just walks away, saying she doesn’t want to be there anymore.
Leonard comments that this is nice, all of them having dinner together for the first time. Amy turns to Sheldon and basically says you’re right, he does make pointless conversation. Leonard says okay, he’s done, says it’s Howard’s turn. Howard tries asking Amy how it’s going at work, but she says she doubts he’d understand, as Sheldon has told her that he only has a Masters degree. Howard then turns to ask Raj if he ask anything to say, but Raj just puffs out his cheeks and shakes his head.
Amy asks Sheldon why they’re not eating by themselves. Sheldon says that he is the glue that holds their social group together, which gets pretty funny reactions from the rest of the guys.
Scene 3 - Apartment stairs
Sheldon and Leonard are walking up the stairs that night after dinner. I can’t really remember what the dialogue was on the first floor, but I think it involved Leonard mentioning Amy as Sheldon’s girlfriend, because Sheldon have his “she’s a girl, and a friend, but not my girlfriend” explanation.
On the second flight of stairs, Leonard starts by saying that he doesn’t think she’s really a good fit for their Rebel Army. Sheldon says that he’s never identified with the Rebel Army, and despite their creation of Death Stars, he’s connected more with the Empire. Leonard says that that’s not really his point. Sheldon says he knows his point, he’s intimidated by Amy’s intelligence.
Now up to their floor, Leonard says no, Amy is judgmental and obnoxious. Sheldon asks, so? Leonard says they already have Sheldon for that. And he says something that basically suggests Sheldon should break up with Amy.
Sheldon reminds Leonard that for 8 months he remained silent while Penny was over in their apartment, with her bad country music, and rubbing her calloused feet with a pumice rock, and watching uninformative late night documentaries on the Jersey Shore. Leonard stares at him, then asks, “Silently??” Then Sheldon said something else as he opened the door and went into their apartment, but Leonard is still caught up on Sheldon’s claim that he was silent.
On the last floor Jim messed up a line, and he had to stop for a few moments to go to the side and check the script, leaving Johnny standing by himself in the hallway. It was silent, and he sort of drummed his hands on his legs, then after a bit he motioned towards the warm-up guy in the audience and said something like, "Say something, Mark!" But then Jim was ready to go, so it was okay.
Scene 4 - Penny’s apartment
Simon and Leonard are on her couch, watching the TV, while Raj is sitting in the chair to the left, drinking a beer. He comments on how the Rocky Mountain Spring Water makes it refreshing or something, then asks where the Rocky Mountains are. Howard tells him Philadephia, and then nudges and smiles at Leonard without Raj noticing. Raj asks, really?, cause he thought they were somewhere in the west. Howard asks him where the movie Rocky takes place. Raj says Philadelphia, then after a second he’s all, oh, I get it!
Penny walks over and sits on the ends of the couch, and I think she asks if their new plan is to hang out there to avoid the Shamy. Raj asks her, not very nicely, if she could get him another beer, and she tells him to get it himself. He stands up to get it, and says she must have taken bitchiness pills. Penny mutters that he’s an ass when he’s drunk, and Howard tells her he’s always an ass, normally she just doesn’t hear it.
Leonard says that they have to accept that this Shamy thing might last for years. Raj, coming back with a new beer, says if so, then Penny will need to get satellite TV, and run a vacuum through the room at least once a week.
Penny says to Leonard, weren’t you going to talk to Sheldon about Amy? Leonard says he did, but Sheldon argued that he had to put up with Penny. Penny asks well you stood up for me, right? And she’s holding a pumice rock, and starts really rubbing the bottom of her foot with it. The guys kinda watch her for a bit, then Leonard just says that Sheldon made some good points.
On the second take as they were watching Kaley, Simon (who was sitting on the couch between Kaley and Johnny) just started laughing. Then on the next one, Johnny said part of his line kinda funny, which Kaley then had to repeat as Penny repeats Leonard, and then that threw Johnny off and I think he started laughing. Kaley said something about how he said it funny to start with, and then Johnny said something about Kaley listening to him (needing to listen to him? not sure), but then he leaned over and have her a hug. And then on the third take, when they got to the line Johnny had said sort of funny, Johnny just started laughing. Then Johnny and Kaley were joking around and blaming Simon for messing things up.
But once they got past all that, Simon tells Penny she’s doing it wrong, and tries to grab her foot and the stone. She protests at first, but he tells her that he does it all the time for his mom, and you have to go with the grain. So he shows her, and Penny smiles, and says that is a lot better!
Howard then says something like when she develops varicose veins, he’ll show her how to massage them, and she makes a face. Then Raj takes off a show, and says, “Me next!” and holds up his foot towards Howard.
Scene 5 - CalTech Cafeteria
Raj, Howard, and Leonard at a table. Raj is hung over, and says, “Never again.” Leonard says that he’s assuming “never again” refers to drinking all of Penny’s beer, going to a gas station and buying forties, a box of Slim Jims, and the newest issue of South Asia ****s (replaced with Bangladesh Badonkadonk). Raj says that he was homesick.
On the first take after the name of the magazine was changed, Kunal started smiling. Johnny didn't really look up at him, but moved his arm back and forth like he was fake stabbing Kunal with his fork. Eventually Kunal said his line anyway, and then the camera cut to Simon for his line, who looked around and said something like, "Is there gonna be a cut?"
Howard says that the highlight of the evening was Raj showing them his Bollywood break dancing, and then Howard demonstrates an imitation from his chair. Raj watches and then says, “That’s highly offensive.” Howard says that that’s what they said, too.
Sheldon and Amy have just gotten their food on the other side of the room, and Leonard comments that here come Lennon and Yoko. Howard says more like Yoko and Yoko. They join them at the table, and Sheldon says that he was showing Amy around at what he does. Amy says that for theoretical work, it’s impressive.
Sheldon asks if that was a slight at theoretical physics. Amy says, sorry, was I not obvious enough? And she says that compared to her work in the field of neurobiology, with real-life applications, theoretical physics comes in second. The other guys kind of “ooo” and lean in to watch. Sheldon asks if she’s suggesting that a neurobiologist (and names one) could ever compare to a theoretical physicist such as… and then he gives two names.
I can’t really remember what the first part of her response was on the first takes. But on the second, she said that the neurobiologist would eat the first theoretical physicist for breakfast, and then defecate the other one. Then she goes on a long explanation to talk about how neurobiology is mapping how the mind works, and why it’s superior.
Then she turns to the other guys and simplifies it, telling them that by stating that her work is superior to Sheldon’s, she’s also saying that it’s more important than all of theirs. On the first take Leonard just nodded, and was like yeah, we got it. On the second he said something like, “I’m still stuck on the defecating [physicist’s name] thing.”
Sheldon says that a unified field theory would explain everything in the universe, thus trumping neurobiology, but Amy argues that with neurobiology they could map the thought process that led to the theory, so she still wins. Ultimately they decide they’ve reached an impasse. Sheldon makes a motion that they end their relationship. Amy seconds. Sheldon asks if anyone opposes, and the guys all quickly shake their heads. So motion passed, Amy and Sheldon wish each other good day, and she gets up and leaves.
Scene 6 - Laundry room
Sheldon is folding laundry when Penny comes in with some clothes to wash. She starts to put them in a washer and says, sympathetically, so I heard you and Amy broke up. Sheldon says that they didn’t break up, she was never his girlfriend, and repeats his girl and a friend, but not girlfriend explanation.
Penny says wow, that sounds like a bad country song. Sheldon starts to say, no, don’t!, but she starts singing something like, “There was a girl who was my friend, now she’s a girl who’s not my friend,” in an exaggerated accent, to a tune that kinda reminded me of “This Land is Your Land.” And Sheldon just looked at her, and she says, “I told you it was a bad song.”
At first she just stood still as she sang, but then on later takes she got into it with arm movements. They did at least 3 or 4 different takes of Penny singing, changing the endings slightly. After the first couple ones, Penny added like jazz hands when she finished singing, and said, “Oh yeah!” Then they added Sheldon asking if she was done between her finishing and the “Oh yeah!”
Also on one of the takes, somewhere in the dialogue someone messed up, and then Kaley and Jim were both apologizing, and both kept saying that it was their fault.
But then Penny asks Sheldon how he’s doing. He asks regarding what, she says Amy, and he says he doesn’t follow. She says that breakups… or whatever this is, can be difficult. He says that they were never in a relationship, and their friendship was based on intellect, and it reached the point where it was no loner beneficial, so it ended, or something like that. Penny says okay, good then. Then Sheldon tells her that he’s going to buy a pussycat.
So he leaves, and Penny says to herself, there’s a good country song. And basically to the same tune as before, she starts singing something like “I had a girlfriend who left me, and now I’m gonna get a pussycat.” And Sheldon sticks his head back in the door, and stares at her, and says, “I told you not to do that.” On the last take, Penny responded with her jazz hands and “Oh yeah!” again.
Scene 7 - CalTech Cafeteria
Leonard, Raj, and Howard are eating together. I can’t remember how the scene starts, but then Leonard says that he’s worried about Sheldon. They ask why, and Howard says he worries about Sheldon in general, like he worries that one day Sheldon will set off a nuclear reactor because the cafeteria runs out of green jello.
Leonard says that Sheldon’s been off since he broke up with Amy. On the first take, Howard asks if Data finally got an emotion chip. On the second, he says to Raj that he should let Sheldon borrow his Bangladesh Badonkadonk.
Leonard says that Sheldon’s gotten a cat, and he takes it everywhere with him, to his bedroom, to the bathroom… And Raj cuts in, asking, he takes it to the potty? Howard says I thought we discussed the P-word. Raj tells Howard that he can’t change him, he is who he is.
On one take, as Johnny and Kunal were going back and forth with dialogue, Johnny suddenly stopped and said something like, “I’m sorry, something flew out of my mouth and landed right on Kunal’s hand.”
Then Sheldon comes in, carrying a cat, which I’m pretty sure he named Robert Oppenheimer. I’m blanking on the rest of this scene (it wasn’t very long), but it ended with Sheldon waking away, saying Oppenheimer wanted a bowl of milk.
Scene 8 - Guy’s apartment
From here on out the rest of the scenes were pre-taped, and shown on the monitors.
Leonard enters his apartment to find Sheldon surrounded by a lot of cats. Sheldon starts naming all of them, which are all named after various scientists, except for the one he’s holding, which is Zazzy, because he thought he had a lot of zazz.
Leonard tries telling Sheldon that he’s using the cats as a substitution for Amy, but Sheldon won’t listen to him. Leonard says that when he and Penny broke up, he tried to distract himself by practicing more on his cello, and building model rockets, and something else. Sheldon says that they didn’t break up, Penny dumped him. Leonard says it was mutual. Sheldon says no, he was there, she dumped him.
Leonard ends up leaving to go to his room, and Sheldon opens a can of cat food, asking the cats if they’re ready for a fancy feast. He turns the can over on the plate, and the food falls out in one lump, and Sheldon makes a face and comments that that’s not fancy at all.
Scene 9 - Same place, later
Leonard answers the door to let in Sheldon’s mom, who’s come to visit because he called. She asks, to clarify, if Amy was a real woman, and not one Sheldon built, and Leonard says yes, she was. Then she asked if they sinned, and Leonard says it wasn’t like that… but he’s really not sure what it was like.
He tries to warn her, as they go to Sheldon’s room, but she says that she’s seen Sheldon at his worst, and nothing will surprise her. So they get to his room, and he’s surrounded by even more cats, and Mary makes some surprised comment on the smell.
Sheldon starts to introduce all of his cats to her, and she comments something about how they all have Jewish names. And there was more to it, but that’s all I can remember right now.
Scene 10 - Still in the apartment, later
Mary calls to Sheldon that dinner’s ready, and adds that he can’t bring his cats. He’s disappointed. He comes out to Amy sitting on the couch, next to Leonard.
Mary tells Sheldon that now that she’s gotten the chance to talk to Amy, and get to know her as such a… unique person, she’s decided that it was good that they broke up, because they certainly weren’t suited for each other. Sheldon’s surprised, and says that Amy’s more like him than anyone else he’s met. Mary shrugs and says that she can’t see it. And it’s good that they broke up, because otherwise she would have had to tell them they needed to.
Sheldon and Amy end up bonding again, and deciding to continue their friendship, and then go to Sheldon’s room so Sheldon can show Amy his cats.
Leonard was watching all of this, and then says to Mary, I see what you did there. Mary says that Sheldon’s still like all other men, if you tell them not to do something, they’ll go and do the opposite. Then she tells Leonard to stay seated, she’ll get up and get the food. And he says, no, let him get it, and stands up and heads to the kitchen.
Scene 11 - Random park
Sheldon (and Amy?) are in a park, with a table set up with a sign that says “Cats $20,” and there’s a big line in front of the table. As each person gets to the front, Sheldon hands them a cat, and a twenty dollar bill.
When it ended, I was able to get Johnny and Kunal to sign my program.
