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I still have to rewatch the episode....but I don't remember actually seeing Jacob criticising Andy in front of Ephram. I remember the criticism being done in private?
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He criticizes Andy about not getting a piano teacher for Ephram infront of Ephram, saying somethings a father should just do. It's probably a fair criticism, but you don't do it infront of the son, undermining his father's ability to be a father. And he mocks Andy's new lifestyle infront of Ephram, and asks pointed questions about how Andy's parenting and all that. It just annoys me!
But I do agree that I feel sorry for the Hoffmans, I really do. It's a tragic story all around and there isn't really any bad guys, I just think Jacob's way of getting to Ephram and undermining Andy is just screwing up an already messed up situation. But I don't blame him for what he's doing, I just want to smack him for it.
And I also agree that yelling isn't how you deal with Ephram, but I really don't think Jacob's style works long-term. Remember that Ephram hasn't seen his grandparents in ages, and you treat people differently when you don't see them for a long time. You treat someone differently that doesn't live in your house, or someone that doesn't have to make the rules for you. Jacob has that advantage. He loses it in New York, and I'm not sure that talking to Ephram calmly would still work when he does now make the rules, and Ephram has to follow them and doesn't like them. He's treating him with respect with the assumption that Jacob is leaving soon. Jacob doesn't have any authority now, and he's not a threat to Ephram getting what he wants, but he would be if he makes the rules. Andy has tried talking to Ephram calmly, but it comes with varied success. I think Jacob's style would work for a time, but we're seeing his parenting style work in a situation where he has all the advantages and there is no reason for Ephram to go against him. In New York, that all changes. And I think Jacob's effectiveness would too.