Sunlight falls in glittering arcs of golden light across the beautiful boy as he sits at the table, fresh paper spread before him, a pen poised in his hand as he absently chews on his bottom lip, lost in concentration.

He muses, sighing softly, shaking his head, blue eyes grown dreamy and contemplative as he lets his thoughts linger on the girl he loves, seeing in his mind the waves of her dark silken hair, her shining chocolate-velvet eyes and the luscious ruby of her lips... and he smiles.

Nodding to himself, he exhales gustily, tapping his pen nervously against the paper for a moment, trying to think how to begin... how to begin spilling the secrets of his heart – something he is unaccustomed to and uncomfortable with – truth be known. Yet, deep within the well of his own psyche he knows what he needs to do. He feels it in his gut. He needs to do this to secure his love, to secure his future, to be the man he needs to be, to be the man Blair needs him to be, the man she has always wanted him to be and, at one time, believed him to be... the man he knows he can be, if only she will give him another chance.

And so he lifts the pen and smiles a little to himself at how strange and surreal this seems – this sudden desire to express himself, to let Blair know exactly how he feels...

.

Blair,

I've been working this out in my head – what I wanted to say to you – for some time now, but it's funny how something in your head seems so different when you commit it to paper. It never comes out how you want it to sound, but still... it's important to say, and so, okay, I'm going to try this.

Blair, the thing is... I miss you. I miss us.

It's like a whole part of my life is missing when you're not there. You're such a part of me and my life now that not having you in it is like missing an arm, or no,... actually, it's like missing my heart. I know I've never been overly demonstrative with you – never letting you know how I truly feel, and I'm sorry about that. It's just, well, that's the way I am, and I'm not trying to make excuses because I know that's not a good way to be - to keep everything inside, but it's the only way I know how to be. It's like I have all these thoughts in my head but I never know how to express them because it's too much, and so I just bottle them up inside me, trying to just deal with things, deal with my feelings all on my own.

The thing is though, I want to change. That's why I'm writing you this. I want to be the man you need me to be because you deserve that. I know you need me to tell you how I feel.

So... how I feel... okay, I feel love, Blair. I love you. I've never told you that enough. I guess I just always assumed that you knew it because you've always been able to see into me like no one else, but I know I should have told you more often. I know you need to hear it and I'm sorry for not saying it every time I feel it which is every day, every moment, because I do love you. I always have, Blair. You're so beautiful, so elegant and classy, and you're strong – stronger than you give yourself credit for – and you're so honest, so unafraid of being who you are. I look at you, the way you go after things and try to make things work, and you never give up, and I really admire that, and I don't think I've ever told you that, but I do.

I think one reason I admire that is because I give up way too easily. If things get hard, I just step off. I don't need the stress. I've always been cool with that... until now. And... now, I can't give up on us, Blair, I just can't. I know it'll be hard but I want to work at it. I swear I do. I want to be with you. I need to be with you.

I know I'm asking you to forgive me for a lot. Blair, I'm so sorry for hurting you. I was weak and gave into temptation and it was really wrong of me. All I can do is tell you that I'm truly sorry. It won't happen again because it's you I love. You're the girl I want to be with, the girl I want to give my heart to, Blair... just you.

Please tell me that we can at least try to work things out, that we can try to be together again. I love you so much and I miss you and I need you.

Please, Sweetheart, at least consider it...

Yours always,
Nate

written by - Luna / Luna_c

Chestnut, lustrous curls shimmer bright and warm as the sunlight above that spills radiantly down illuminating brown eyes - large as a doe's and just as beautiful - all sweetness and innocence and soft youth. The young girl beams, a brightness to match the peal of that giggling laughter that bursts from her, as she exclaims, holding tight to the swing, "Higher, Nate!"

The boy behind her laughs in response, pushing her higher, faster, until it feels like she is truly flying and she screams in glee, causing the boy to laugh more, his wide blue eyes dancing as he pushes her again and again, watching her small bare legs kick, then...

...those big blue eyes widen, this time in shock as he watches Blair fly from the swing, falling into a soft mound of grass.

"Uh oh!" He runs up to her, bending down in the grass. "Oh no... did I hurt you?" He reaches out, touching her hair and her cheek with the tenderly clumsy fingers of naive youth. She peers up at him from behind a dark lock of hair and rolls onto her back, gazing quizzically up at him, a small sphinx smile on her pretty doll-like face.

Nate gazes back at her, blinking, confused at the smile on her face, still afraid he's hurt her and that she'll tell her parents... or worse his parents that he hurt her, but then, as she just... smiles, he tilts his head and grins crookedly as he snuggles down in the grass beside her, his messy head nestled against hers as he gazes up at the clouds lazily drifting overhead. "I'm sorry, Blair," he says earnestly then as he rolls over onto his side and grins again at her, idly playing with a curl of her hair. "I didn't mean to push you so hard."


- lunafille/ Luna

Smiling at the memory of swing sets and sunshine and warm breezes and fresh clean grass - an oasis of green in the steel and iron city, Blair Waldorf shakes her head, rolling her eyes as she sighs, murmuring, her fingers tracing the edges of the childhood photos. She sets the album down and shakes her head. "You've always pushed me too hard, Nate, and I always forgive you...

She sighs then, a wry smile curling her lush lips. "I wonder why that is?" She laughs to herself, murmuring. "Nevermind. I know why. It's because, even now, when you push me, you make me feel like I'm flying."

And he does - the constant whirlwind of emotions that spins through her - love and frustration, annoyance and amusement, concern and tenderness - a tangled swirling of feeling that no one else evokes in her. All her life it seems he's been behind her, pushing her higher, faster, harder, making her laugh in joy and love, sending her soaring, then the reality burns through as she topples to the ground only to find Nate is back again, contrite, sweet, comforting.

The words of their argument the night before haunt her. "Don't push me, Nate!"

Yet, something inside her screams - "Push me! Higher! Make me feel that power, that strength, make me fly!"

She gazes at the flowers on the table - Nate's contrite apology written in his familiar script, the words simple but sweet, much like him, and she laughs a little, long elegant fingers caressing over the blooms. Finally, she sighs and picks up her cell phone.

She relaxes back against the sofa and calls him, and at the sound of that deep, rich, sleep-husky voice - as warm and soothing as the softest blanket, she smiles. "Nate, the flowers are lovely. Thank you."

"Good... I mean, you're welcome. I'm glad you like them..." He pauses then, chewing on his lip as he rolls onto his back, pushing one hand back through tangled hair as he stares up at the ceiling. "Hey, Blair, listen, uhm... I'm sorry. It's just I... I'm really sorry, Sweetheart..."

She considers making him wait for it, but as she hears the catch in his breath, she relents with a sigh. "Apology accepted. What time will you be picking me up for breakfast?"

Sitting up, he grins in relief and rubs the sleep from drowsy blue eyes, pushing a hand back through his sleep-mussed hair again as he glances at the clock beside his bed. "Um... 45 minutes? Just need to jump in the shower first."

"Alright. Come on up when you get here and we'll walk down together." Glancing out the window at the cottony clouds soaring overhead beneath the bright sun, she smiles. "You know what... on second thought, why don't we have Dorota pack us a light breakfast and we'll have it in the park?"

Nate grins, stretching his long sleek body against the soft bedsheets. "Okay, sure. Whatever you want. That sounds good though. I'll see you in just a bit."

And now, Blair thinks to herself, 11 years later and again, she is experiencing that exhilerating rush of sweet sensation, the wind in her dark hair, the breeze cool against rosy cheeks and bare legs, the sound of infectious bright laughter behind her encompassing her, warming her, as she soars higher and higher, laughing with girlish glee.

"Higher, Nate!"

With another laugh, he pushes her again, running out to the side of the swing as he grins - that handsome face alight with the radiance of the sun, the light of his love burning in those blue, blue eyes - as blue as the crisp sky above them.

"Blair!"

He holds out his arms to her and, with a laugh and a leap, she tumbles from the swing into his waiting arms and he wraps her in a tight, warm, safe embrace, falling back against the soft grass, laughing as he strokes through the tangled chestnut curls of her hair and brushes his lips against her smooth temple.

"You caught me," she whispers against his neck, her lips caressing the soft skin there.

"I'll always catch you, Sweetheart."

"You push me too hard," Blair murmurs.

"So did I, Blair... and besides, like I said, I'll always catch you. I won't let you fall."

She hugs him tighter and laughs softly, tracing her finger against the broad chest. "I fell years ago, Nate."

"But I have you now."

"And you had me then, too," she whispers almost inaudibly, then with a sly grin on her pretty doll face, she raises up slightly and rolls atop him, her hands tangling in his sun-dappled hair as she gazes down into those long-lashed bright eyes. "And... I have YOU, too, as well, Nate Archibald."

Nate laughs - the sound warm, vibrant and sunny as the skies radiant above them and he nods, a dimpled grin spreading over his boyish face. "Yeah, you do." He winks then, murmuring, his voice soft and husky, "Always have... always will."

Blair's ripe, perfect cherry lips curl then into a teasing, almost coquettish smile, a smile that Nate longs to taste, and so he does, rising up on his elbows, his lips sliding warm, satiny and sweet against those soft, lush lips, his own smile melting against hers as he wraps his arms tightly around her, sinking back down into the soft grass, deepening their kiss...

written by - Luna / Luna_c

Evermore - Top Ten Videos;
01; Sky 02; Pills 03; Hey Ya 04; All We Are 05; Swans
06; White Horse 07; The Scientist 08; Fall for You
09; Speeding Cars 10; Light surrounding you

& please just save me from this darkness;
"You've been the only thing that's right"
"... In all I've done"

& I'm falling more in love.
With every single word I withhold;
"I'm falling more in love. With every single word you say."
"I'm falling head-over-heels for you again."