Jackie: Hey.
Hyde: Hey. Look, Jackie, I know that you were worried before, so I just wanna let you know, nothing happened on my end this week.
(Blank look.)
Hyde: I'm not telling you that so you'll tell me what you did.
(Another blank look.)
Hyde: I just wanna let you know what happened with me. That's my report to you.
Jackie: All right. Good to know.
Hyde: Good to know?
Jackie: Did I stutter?

Jackie: Okay, look, you! I've been thinking about all your conspiracy mumbo-jumbo about presents and diamonds and buying me stuff. And I've realized that all your paranoid, delusional crap about romance is just a cover-up for you being cheap!
Hyde: Okay, first of all, it's not paranoid, delusional crap! Advertisers spend billions to make you think I'm a jerk if I don't buy you jewelry. And second of all…you're right. I am cheap.
Jackie: Well, you'd better quit it because I like to get stuff. Especially shiny stuff.
Hyde: Would you settle for a cheeseburger wrapped in tinfoil?
Jackie: Well, for you I will...But just know that I'm really lowering my standards.
Hyde: That makes two of us.

Hyde: So…thanksgiving. We celebrate the subjugation of an indigenous people with yams and Underdog floats.
Jackie: Yeah, I'm mostly celebrating my pretty new dress.
Hyde: And so much for talking.
(Jackie looks at him then pulls him in for a kiss.)

Hyde: Kelso, Jackie’s my girlfriend! We’re together, so get over it!

__________________________________________

Hyde: Hey.
Jackie: Steven! You shaved your beard off!
Hyde: I thought it might cheer you up.
Jackie: Oh my God. You shaved it for me! You let your razor say the words your mouth couldn’t speak.

(Fantasy Sequence. A large, posh looking room, almost like something out of the Victorian Era, though more…embellished. A person is playing the piano in the corner with a harp player next to him, and Jackie is listening to them while Hyde stands by the fireplace.)
Jackie: Thank God for your strong S.A.T.s. Now we don't have to be poor.
Hyde: Not poor, indeed. Basic math and verbal skills are the ticket to great wealth, and, therefore, great happiness.
Jackie: Poor Person, bring me a fancy cocktail!
(The poor person turns around and reveals himself to be Fez. He hands Jackie the cocktail on a silver platter.)
Fez: It is my privilege to wait on you, madam.
Jackie: Ohh, quite so, quite so. Okay, enough with the idle chatter, go be poor.

(Fantasy sequence. Forman basement. Hyde and Jackie in their late forties/early fifties are sitting on the couch watching TV. Jackie is fat and Hyde has a beer gut.)
Jackie: Steven, do you think I'm fat?
Hyde: I know you're fat. Go get me a beer.
(Jackie grunts and gets up. As she walks behind him she smacks him on the back of his neck. End fantasy sequence.)

Jackie: Okay, Steven, about your vision of our future with you swilling beer and me being fat? That's not gonna happen, because I'm not gonna be fat. It's genetic!
Kelso: That's true. Her mother drinks two bottles of wine a day and she looks damn good. I've seen her vacuum in her underwear.
Hyde: So what's your point?
Kelso: My point is she's fricken hot!
Hyde: Not you.
Jackie: All I'm saying is that I've become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And if you would just live up to your potential…
Kelso: I don't know why you're talking to 950-guy over there. I got a 130, I got 80 more potential.
Jackie: Yeah, but Steven has my heart. Which is why I want him to be rich. I mean, think about all the stuff you could buy for me!
Hyde: Jackie, why don't you earn your own money, and buy those things yourself?
Jackie: Myself?
Hyde: And I'm not like Forman. I have no problem mooching off your success. You know, you leave the room, I steal some money out of your purse. You pretend I didn't, but we both know I did....That's the future I see for us.
Jackie: Oh, Steven, that's beautiful.

Red: I warned you once about this crap. And now I have no choice. You’re out of the house.
Jackie: No, wait! That stash isn’t his, it’s mine.
Hyde: Jackie!
Jackie: Let me talk.
Kelso: Yeah, Hyde, let her talk.
Jackie: Look, it´s just...I’ve been having such a hard time since my dad’s been in jail, that I was looking for anything that just might make me feel better. Mrs. Forman it’s just like you with your menopause and all that wine you’re always drinking.
Kitty: ..Well...You shut your dirty little mouth!
Red: Steven, you tell me the truth right now, is this yours or not?
Hyde: Mr. Forman, I´m telling you the truth, is not mine. So, I snuck up here behind your back, we have a huge fight and then you do something nice for me? This is like when the Grinch stole Christmas, but all the little Whos sang anyway.
Jackie: I don’t know, that’s what people do for people they care about.
Hyde: Nobody I ever knew.
Jackie: That’s because you were poor and poor people are bad. But look, it’s like I was talking about before, I sensed you were in trouble and I looked for a way to help without you having to ask me.
Hyde: Jackie, to be fair you heard Red say “Hyde, you´re out of the house” not “Hyde, you´re going to a doll expo.” Well, anyway, thank you.

Jackie: It didn't mean anything!
Hyde: So that's your story? It didn't mean anything?
Jackie: Right! Right! So...so you just need to get over it.
Hyde: Oh, yeah. Don't worry, I'm over it...
(he pauses)
Hyde: ... in fact, I'm over you.
(Jackie looks confused and then hurt)
Jackie: Wait, Steven, what are you saying?
Fez: (speaking fast) He's saying he's breaking up with you. You're not paying attention? 'Cause I'm at the edge of my frickin' seat here!
Jackie: ... Steven?
(Hyde just looks at her and shrugs)
(Jackie runs out of the basement)

__________________________________________

Jackie: Steven, I have to tell you something
Hyde: Well, if it's 'Get off my boyfriend', don't worry 'cause I already heard it.
Jackie: No. I have to tell you that you were right. When I said that, it did mean something, and I thought it didn't because sometimes I just want things because other people have them. Like...like once, I made my dad buy me a pet rat because my cousin had one. But then, the rat got so disgusting, I made my kitty cat hunt it.
Hyde: I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Who's the rat? Am I the rat--?
Jackie: No, no. Steven... Look, okay, I spoke to Annette. She made me realize that-- okay, you know, maybe I do have some leftover feelings for Michael, and then she said that if I wanted him, I'd have to fight for him. But Steven, I know in my heart the only person I want to fight for is you.
Hyde: Really?! Oh, boy! You like Kelso, but you like me a little bit more? What a bunch of crap! You know I think, Jackie? I think the only reason you were with me in the first place was to get back at Kelso!
Jackie: Steven, how can you say that?! Okay, fine, you know what? Maybe I do have feelings for Michael, but what am I supposed to do? He was my first boyfriend! And you know what? You're going to have to learn to deal with it! And if you can't and you're going to have to break up with me because of that, then I can't stop you! But I think it's a real waste because I love you!
Hyde: I'm not saying it back!
Jackie: I. Don't. Care.
Hyde: Damnit! So are we going to go to the dance or what?
Jackie: Oh, Steven.

Hyde: Jackie, Happy Birthday.
Jackie: Oh Steven, you shouldn’t have.
(She opens the box to find a T-shirt)
Jackie: It’s a Led Zepplin T-shirt!...And it’s used..!
Hyde: Yeah, it’s my favorite one. You’re with me now so I want you to have it.
Jackie: Oooh, Steven, I love it! ... Do I have to wear it?
Hyde: No
Jackie: Ah, Steven, I love it! Oh!

Red: Who the hell do you think you are? Bringing a girl into my house in the middle of the night!
Kitty: And right in our basement. We keep our Christmas decorations down there...Baby Jesus was watching!
Hyde: Told you to look where you were goin’.
Jackie: Well what idiot leaves a Lego set right in front of the door?
Eric: You knocked over my Space Command center?!...I spent three hours building that!
Red: Alright. Now what is going on in my basement?
Hyde: Jackie’s been sleeping here the last couple of weeks.
Kitty: Couple of weeks? This is not the Playboy mansion you know!
Hyde: Look, nothing was going on.
Eric: Nothing was going on? Umm...Space Command centers were ruined!!
Red: Would you please go put some pants on? This is where I eat!
Hyde: Jackie’s only been staying here ‘cause her dad’s in jail and her mom’s still not back yet.
Jackie: Steven! Look, that’s private.
Kitty: Your mom’s not back yet? You told me she came home.
Jackie: Look, can we not talk about this? I’m fine. Okay? Everything is fine.
Kitty: But if you need a place …
Jackie: No, no, no, I don’t need anything. Look I’m only here ‘cause … I am such a tramp. So I should just go home and try to control my dirty urges.

Hyde: ...I’m really sorry okay. I promise it’ll never happen again.
Jackie: You know, that’s exactly what Michael used to say.
Hyde: C’mon Jackie-
Jackie: No, you know what Steven, I´m sorry. It’s over.
(She gets out of the car and walks away)
(Hyde turns the radio on. It’s a country music station.)
Hyde: Huh (pause) Finally get country music.

(He is looking at the floor she is looking at her magazine.)
Hyde: The thing is I’m really sorry.
Jackie: Yeah, you said that already.
Hyde: C’mon Jackie, I made a mistake, okay? It was a stupid one time thing.
Jackie: You know what Steven? I’ve heard it all before, from you, from Michael. God, just do me a favor and leave me alone.
Hyde: (Frustrated) Whatever. Jackie...I love you.
Jackie: Yeah, well I don’t love you.
(she leaves)

Jackie: Steven! are you okay?
Hyde: Why?
Jackie: Well, I heard someone fell of the water tower and I thought it could be you and I just-
Hyde: No, It was Kelso
(A look of relief on Jackie’s face as she sighs)
Hyde: Wait, you came down here cause you where worried about me
Jackie: ... No, I didn't
Hyde: ‘Cause you still care about me
Jackie: Nuh-uh
Hyde: So I still have a shot with you
Jackie: No, no you don´t! I mean okay, I don´t know..
(Hyde smiles and just stares at her)
Jackie: Steven, stop staring at me or I´ll kick you.

__________________________________________

Kelso: All right, so what do you want to do? We play air hockey, give Fez a wedgie?....Oh! my brother just got a new stereo, we can throw it off an overpass!
Hyde: Actually, I changed my mind. I'm gonna get Jackie back.
Kelso: What? Wait! What about our third grade pact?
Hyde: We also made a pact to invent a formula for invisibility but that fell through, too.
Kelso: Because you gave up!
Hyde: Look Kelso, I never felt this way about a girl before, okay? And that pretty much beats our third grade pact...I'm sorry, but I wanna be with her.

Jackie: Wow.
Hyde: Yeah, I´m a good kisser.
Jackie: Mmm-mm.
Hyde: Here´s your gum back.

Jackie: You know, I wish someone would rub lotion on my shoulders. Think they're getting a little red.
Hyde: Yeah, you should be careful. Looks like you're starting to scab.
Kelso: Oh, that's a burn about a burn, that's a second-degree burn!!