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When Shonda talked about the ferry event she said that we would have seen a different Meredith. Why it didn't happen? I know the answer.
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We saw a different Meredith. One who closed down even more and did nothing more to enjoy life better.
Not all changes about a character can all be positive. Everybody has their bad moments/periods.
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The question is if these decisions are good or not and in many cases they weren't so good, especially her decisions about the second part of S3.
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Like i said before, not all decisions in life have a good outcome. Meredith made choices, Derek made choices, well they'll have to deal with the consequences of that.