Chapter: 42 “Stars”

I woke up to something pulling me down. Or, should I say, someone.
It was Brian, of course. He was dragging me down onto the bed, but being rather gentle about it. As my head rolled towards him, I caught his eyes.
“Felt bad, waking up and seeing you like that,” he said. “You slept sitting up all night.”
“I did?” I blinked my eyes a few times, trying to adjust to the light. I rolled my head from side to side. I did feel pretty groggy. After a moment I remembered falling asleep with Brian’s head in my lap, and it all made sense.
“Oh right . . .”
“Figured I’d make you more comfortable.” His tone hinted at an ulterior motive. Though he was being sweet, he wasn’t innocent. Never.
“Oh, did you?” I raised a suspicious eyebrow at him and smiled, suddenly not caring at all about anything else. For having been upright all night, now that I was waking up, it actually seemed I’d slept surprisingly well. Then again, I always slept much better when I was near him.
Sigh.
“You deserve to be comfortable . . . especially after you came to the rescue.” Brian’s eyes fell slightly, and it was obvious he was remembering bits of last night. One of his hands rubbed my chest lightly, half lovingly, half teasingly.
I brought a hand up to his face, stroking him. His cheek was so smooth to the touch, it always made me melt a little.
“I didn’t rescue you,” I said.
“No, maybe not,” Brian started. He sighed. “But you sure as hell saved me from a night of excessive drinking and drowning in my own guilt.”
My lip tugged to the side, almost frowning. “It was my pleasure,” I said quietly, stroking his cheek with my thumb.
Brian looked back into my eyes, and I saw that shift inside him. That sort of click that happened when I could tell he was getting deep in touch with his feelings. It brought a bit of sparkle to his eyes, and he always took a quiet, sharp breath in when it hit him—though he did his best to keep it from showing beyond that. Regardless, it turned me to putty inside. My heart swelled whenever he looked at me that way.
He licked his lips, took a breath, and ran his hand from my chest up to the side of my face. A second later he captured my lips in his own. A gentle moan came from him, and I immediately echoed it. My free hand found his back, encouraging him to come closer. As he sank into the kiss, Brian rolled all the way over, bringing himself on top of me. I moaned again as I felt his weight sinking into me, driving me deeper into the bed. I adored being beneath him, feeling his chest and hips connect to mine. He could trap me there forever, and I wouldn’t have any complaints.
His tongue ran over my bottom lip, asking permission to be let inside. I eagerly obliged and welcomed him into a deep, warm embrace of two craving mouths. God, the sounds our kisses made were always pure heaven. I savored everything about the man’s mouth . . . especially when it was connected to mine. The feeling of his lips pressed to mine, enveloping mine, capturing mine. The feeling of his tongue begging to be let in to find mine, to become entwined with mine. A sort of sex in itself.
A hand slid down the front of me, grasping the bottom of my shirt. He was bare-chested, but I’d slept in my clothes. Apparently Brian was ready to change that. He kept kissing me as he dragged the shirt up, exposing my stomach, my chest, my shoulders. Only at the very last possible second did he draw his sweet lips away from mine, just long enough to pull the shirt up and off and toss it away. As he looked down at me again, I felt the enticing heat building between my legs. The look in his eyes, not just lust and pure wanting, but something deeper along with it.
Though just him wanting me would’ve honestly been enough on its own—to make me feel like the most fucking important being who ever lived.
He was so goddamn gorgeous I almost couldn’t hold any sort of composure when those fierce green eyes were fixed into my own . . .
Brian dove forward and kissed me again, his hands on the path to free my chest. A second later my bra was unclasped and Brian’s strong hands were tugging the straps from my shoulders. I stopped stroking his back long enough for him to pull my bra off and toss it away, not breaking from kissing me. I gasped as I felt firm hands on my breasts, squeezing just enough to draw the flame to raging heights between us. I dug my nails into his back and bit his lip. Brian growled and thrusted his hips against mine, beginning to grind me.
“Brian . . .” I whispered as he freed my lips, kissing down my face and neck to my chest. I gasped again as his mouth encompassed one of my nipples, and I felt myself instantly growing hard at the connection. Brian moaned onto me and flicked the tip a few times with his sweet tongue, then alternated sucking and nibbling. I moaned as I writhed about, my back arching and sinking and repeating, absolutely tortured in the best way by his tricks. He repeated the same magic act on my other nipple, all the while grabbing and squeezing my ass as he grinded himself against me. He was really craving me, and it made me so fucking horny. I could hardly wait for the lion to pounce.
Grunting, Brian kissed a trail down my stomach, causing me to jump slightly with each contact of his lips against the ticklish skin. By the time he reached my bellybutton, his hands were already making history of my fastened jeans . . . undoing the button and zipper as if they were just an annoying barrier to his prize.
He pulled my pants down just enough, then Brian opened his mouth wide and unspooled that thick, amazing tongue and licked along the diagonal crease just beside my pelvic bone.
I practically screamed, I moaned so loud. I’m glad he was holding me in place, otherwise I might’ve knocked him out with the intensity that my hips thrusted upwards towards his face, begging him for more. As my hips settled back down to the bed, another fabulous stroke of wet and warm tongue traced along my opposite hip crease. Fuck, I belonged to him. He could do anything he pleased with me. Anything.
Then he really did it. He took a glance up at my face to assess the effect of the magic he was working on me, and his lips contorted into that devilish, confident grin that reached all the way up to his eyes. The one that made me so wet I couldn’t think straight. Because once Brian Kinney had that look of determination on his face, there was no going back.
His face dipped again, finding me down there. One, two kisses just above my pantyline, then a moan. Then, my pants and underwear were gone. Stolen. Brian’s hands worked so quickly pulling everything down and off that the feeling of the fabric parting from my skin barely even registered before the briefly empty space was filled by something new. Brian’s mouth. At my pussy.
Brian kissed my clit and a shiver of electricity ran up my spine, paralyzing me. He moaned as he kissed it again, no doubt feeding off my gasps of pleasure and shock. I felt that marvelous tongue trace along each side once . . . then it ventured inside me.
“Oh, fuuuuck, Brian!” I cried. I couldn’t hold it back. When Brian Kinney tongue-fucks you, it’s goddamn impossible not to shout his name. He knows this, and he feeds on it.
And feed on it, he did. Brian groaned and purred onto me and into me, his tongue performing tricks with an accuracy not even fingers could, and cocks could certainly never dream of.
I was in another world. On another planet. If not for the firm press of Brian’s hand gripping my thigh and pinning me to the bed, I might’ve floated away with my spirit. Each hungry lap of his tongue reduced me further and further down, my very molecular structure changing.
I was nothing but particles . . .
And then, one particularly calculated maneuver of his sweet tongue and he summoned the explosive reaction he’d no doubt been working towards. I came with such an intensity that I literally had nothing surrounding me but darkness and a field of stars. My body writhed as I cried out, riding each shockwave of pleasure to the crest. All throughout my journey in space Brian held me tight, anchoring my body to the bed, yet squeezing my ass and encouraging me to go on and on.
As my soul eventually drifted back down to Earth and rejoined my body, Brian gave my clit one last kiss. In between recovery breaths my eyes fluttered open and I got a look at the huge monster of a hard cock staring right at me, moving about a bit as Brian slithered down my body, kissing all over my legs.
“Christ, you are fucking incredible,” I choked out in between gasps. Brian was still kissing me hungrily, but one of his hands switched from squeezing my ass temporarily to stroking me, indicating he’d heard my compliment. As Brian began working his way back up my body, a combination of lips and tongue and teeth, I carefully rolled over just far enough to reach out to the condom stash, grabbing one and unwrapping it eagerly as Brian completed his journey up me with one long drag of his tongue along my neck to the base of my jaw.
A lustful look of appreciation painted his face as he looked down at me, discovering the unwrapped condom already in my hand. A horny grin took over him, and his eyes told me all the things he wanted to do to me. I was so goddamn wet, and I knew after he’d tongue-fucked me that it was going to be beyond orgasmic to have him slip his cock inside.
Brian raised an impressed eyebrow as he caught his breath, glancing down at the condom. “You’re prepared.”
There was no time for logical responses or pleasantries. I grabbed both sides of his head, tugging at his hair with each hand, and pulled his face down just above mine. Brian gritted his teeth and growled as he looked into my eyes. He was so horny. Precum had escaped him and pooled on top of my stomach.
“Fuck. The shit. Out of me,” I demanded. My eyes were so intense as I gazed into his, holding his face right there above me, each of us panting loudly against each other, staring through narrowed eyes and gritted teeth.
An animalistic growl, followed by Brian diving for my lips. His mouth engulfed mine, and though the feeling of his chest connecting to mine again made me want to swoon in and of itself, my hands wasted no time in finding his swollen cock and wrapping it in the condom. Brian grunted at my grasp, at my hands on him. I gave his shaft a few strokes and his balls a squeeze to get him extra excited, enjoying his moans pouring into my mouth. He didn’t stop kissing me. There was an agonizingly slow feeling of his cock running over my stomach and hips as he moved himself into position, but then with one single thrust he buried himself so deeply into me that I had to break our kiss to cry out. After all his marvelous tongue tricks he just slid right in, completely and fully, filling me with his delicious hardness.
He thrusted, driving my hips down into the bed, causing my breasts to rock back along with the rest of me.
“Ohhhh, Brian,” I moaned, grasping desperately for his face as I pulled him, willingly, back into another passionate round of making out.
It wasn’t long before he was thrusting into me so hard that our hips made a loud clapping sound as they smacked together. My ass bounced up and down against the mattress as he fucked me, some of his slams into my body causing an almost trampoline-like effect under his command.
We were completely obsessed with each other’s mouths. We didn’t stop kissing once, our hands grasping the backs of each other’s heads, pulling our faces as close as possible. As I tasted him I eventually regained enough coordination to wrap my legs together around his hips, giving me the position required to tighten myself around his cock.
A desperate sort of moan and whimper hybrid escaped Brian’s throat and traveled through my mouth and down. I took that as my invitation to do it again. I alternated squeezing and releasing my muscles around his cock as he kept thrusting. Another deep grunt from Brian and his hips slammed me once, twice, three times against the mattress before he exploded along with his orgasm, a geyser of white heat and pleasure escaping him and filling the condom. Brian’s head flew back as his mouth opened wide for his moan to escape.
I loved his o-face so much. It turned me on enough, combined with the feeling of his cock sliding out of me, to bring me into my next orgasm. I sunk my nails into his back as my head dug deep into the pillow while the shockwaves of pleasure rippled through my body.
Brian’s head dropped heavily down onto my chest. Both of us closed our eyes, panting desperately, utterly worn out. Though our fingers stroked each other, we didn’t speak for several moments. Just laid there savoring the experience, and each other.
***
Brian let out a long yawn.
I chuckled. “Am I boring you?”
His eyes were gently closed. He let out a short chuckle, and a tiny smile spread across his lips. “Not at all, Princess. Just feeling particularly relaxed at the moment.”
I smiled. “Me too.”
Brian’s smile remained as he continued stroking me. A few seconds later he took in an audible breath as he lifted himself up, glanced into my eyes and then kissed me. He pressed his forehead to mine after drawing back, then lowered back down to rest his head on my chest once again.
I couldn’t fight the smile that overtook my face. Then for some reason my eyes fell onto his shirt from last night, sitting neatly right where I’d placed it. I flashed back to Brian sitting alone in his living room in the dark, drinking, lost in thought. I sighed.
“Something wrong?” Brian mumbled in his deep voice.
I hesitated. I didn’t want to shift the mood away from what it was. This moment was so amazing, and I didn’t want Brian to get upset again.
“Nah, just had an unwelcomed thought creep up for a second,” I said.
“I see,” Brian said. “That’s what alcohol’s for.”
I chuckled in sad amusement. “Not really my thing.”
“How unfortunate,” Brian mused.
“Guess so . . .” I tried my best to shake the thoughts of last night. I’d hated seeing him that way. Suddenly I felt determined to do my best to help him be truly happy, whatever that meant. I’d wanted his happiness all along of course, but seeing how last night had started off compared to his energy this morning, lying here with me . . . he’d done a complete 180. If I had any influence at all on his life—and apparently I did—I wanted to use those powers for good.
“Brian?”
He was staring off into space casually as his fingers absently stroked along my outer leg, occasionally running up to my ass and back down again. Upon hearing his name, he lifted an eyebrow and tilted his head up towards me.
“What do you want?” I asked.
His brows furrowed, and his eyes darted about as if he was seriously contemplating the question. Seconds later his fingers ran over the front of me and down . . . stroking me lightly from my opening up to and over my clit. He raised an eyebrow and looked up at me, deviously.
I giggled. “Besides that. I’m talking seriously . . . like, what do you want, now . . . in life?”
Brian blinked. He rolled his bottom lip into his mouth and bit it, staring out the window with an intense gaze. Then he cleared his throat and propped himself up on his elbows to look me in the eyes.
“I want you here, more.”
My breath caught in my throat. My heart skipped a beat. He’d said it so simply, so matter-of-fact. So point blank. I lay there, just looking at him, lost for words, completely shocked. I blinked several times, in a daze, yet fully present at the same time.
The side of his mouth tugged towards a smile. He ran a hand along my arm. “I said I’d like it if you were here more.” He repeated, making sure I’d heard.
I swallowed, a tiny, yet totally blissful smile conquering my mouth. I could feel my eyes sparkling as I looked back at him.
“Really?” It was the most intelligent response I could muster. What else could I say? I had nothing. He’d shocked the hell outta me.
Brian glanced down at my lips and then back into my eyes. He nodded slowly, deliberately, twice. “That’s right,” he confirmed.
I blinked again. “I . . . don’t know what to say,” my half-whisper, half-gasp voice fought through the extreme, touched smile attempting to hold my face forever captive. My heart swelled to the max.
Then Brian got the most adorable look on his face. He rolled his lips into his mouth and furrowed his brows, his eyes darting from one side to the other as he looked up and away, again appearing to be seriously contemplating this. Yet there was still evidence of a smile on him. A hint of lightness, of innocence. It was such a welcomed change of expression from his usual seriousness.
Without a word, Brian rolled over and hopped up from the bed. I watched him as he disappeared from the bedroom. I heard him walk over to the kitchen, open a drawer and rummage through it, then close it. He returned with one clenched fist.
I watched him eagerly as he got back into bed and scooted his way back over to me. He raised an eyebrow and held out his fist, flipping it upwards. Then he opened his palm—revealing a key. He picked it up in between two fingers on his opposite hand, holding it in front of my face for me to observe.
“But if I start seeing girly shit all over the place, we’re gonna have a problem,” he said.
“Brian . . .” I whispered, tearing up.
He raised a confident, expectant eyebrow at me. “Well?”
I just kissed him. That was my response. As our lips parted Brian looked down and placed the spare key in my hand. My eyes fell to the shiny object, admiring it as I smiled, shaking my head in happy disbelief.
“Thank you,” I said. “Seriously.” I smiled at him, biting my lip when I felt it grow big enough to make me feel like a total dork.
As he was looking back at me, his eyes dropped down as a cute little smile formed on his lips. He blinked once, trying to hide the light in his eyes.
I swallowed. “But, um . . . I actually was trying to ask what you wanted . . . in regards to Justin.”
Brian’s smile faded. He blinked and shook his head. Once again, to my extreme shock, he spoke right away.
“I’m not enough for Justin. I’ve never been what he wants, despite what he may have told himself.”
So blunt.
He sighed.
My brows furrowed, my totally giddy expression morphing instantly into one of extreme concern and remorse. I ran my hand tenderly across his back.
Brian chuckled in his serious way. “It’s alright. It was never supposed to be anything more than . . . what it was.” He sucked on his bottom lip.
“Would you want to make it work with him, if you could?”
Brian shrugged and looked me in the eyes again. “Doesn’t matter, it’s irrelevant. We’re on two different pages. Always have been. From the moment I brought him home, high off my ass, and baptized him with my cock.”
“I know you love him, though.” I felt brave uttering the declaration, but at the same time, Brian really didn’t make me nervous anymore. At least, not in that way.
Brian let out a heavy exhale as he glanced down, then back up at me. “Not in the right way,” he said.
I frowned at him. “I guess no matter how much two people may care for each other, sometimes they’re just fundamentally different at their core.”
“Why the fuck else do you think I’m so anti-relationship?” Brian scoffed, blinking.
“Well, I thought it had more to do with your being a heterophobe,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood with a smirk.
Brian half-chuckled. Success.
“Huh. That is true,” he mused.
I stroked his back as he stared off over my shoulder, pondering everything. I was more tempted than ever to declare my feelings to him, but decided to go a slightly different route. This time.
“I don’t want you to give me the moon and the stars, or any of that bullshit,” I said. “Just you.”
Brian blinked quickly a couple of times as he turned his face to look at me. There was such a lightness to his expression—one I’d not seen before. He looked at me with an almost newfound curiosity, which remained in place as he lifted a hand to gently cup the side of my face, his eyes falling to my mouth. I watched as Brian moistened his lips with the tip of his tongue, then brought them forward to connect with mine. I breathed as he captured my lips in his again and again, the smallest and sweetest of moans escaping from my throat.
He kept kissing me as he pressed his body against mine, sweeping his free arm underneath me. Brian rolled me over on top of him and slid one hand around to hold the back of my head. His other hand traced a path until he found my free hand, lacing his fingers with mine. The spare key rested securely between our palms.

Chapter 43: “Eternity”

Michael slept like shit. He groaned as he woke up, feeling stiffer than a cock in the backroom at Babylon. He slowly lifted himself to a seat, cracking his neck in each direction. He grunted with each loud crack, but the popping feeling of release was quite satisfying.
About the only thing I miss about dating that chiropractor . . . he thought to himself as he yawned. The doorknob to the left of him turned, interrupting any further thoughts. Michael’s eyes widened as he looked over, his breath quickening. He’d only gotten a couple hours of rest, tops, and he’d cried himself to sleep. He didn’t know if he could handle facing his boyfriend again.
The bedroom door creaked open and out poked Ben’s head. As his eyes landed on Michael, his face was serious, but not angry. He nodded in acknowledgment.
“Wanna talk?” Ben asked.
Michael swallowed. He’d been expecting to get yelled at immediately. “Uhh, sure,” he said. “If you’re ready . . .”
Ben nodded again. “I am ready,” he cleared his throat and walked over to join Michael on the couch. He let out a long breath as he plopped down, running his hands up and down his thighs in preparation for a discussion.
Michael watched him intently all the while, eyes wide, nerves fluttering on overdrive in his chest. “How’d you sleep?” he asked, trying to ease into things.
“Like shit,” Ben said. “I spent a long time thinking everything over—”
“Yeah, you seemed really upset,” Michael interrupted. His voice was quiet as his eyes fell. “You locked me out . . .”
Ben clicked his tongue. “Yeah, I did . . . and I’m sorry for that, Michael.” He looked over at him and gave a slight frown of apology. Michael just looked back at him hesitantly, blinking, waiting for him to continue. So Ben did.
“I admit that I overreacted. I guess I just . . . was kind of waiting for this to happen, all along.”
Michael shook his head. “Ben, I need you to know that I wasn’t planning on it—”
Ben held up his hand to stop him. “It’s okay,” he said. “Really.”
Michael furrowed his brows. “Why is it okay?”
Ben took a breath. “Be-cause . . . I have been there, too.”
“Been there? What do you mean, ‘been there’?” Michael blinked and shook his head as he always did when he was confused.
Ben glanced out the window quickly as he formulated his response. He rubbed the side of his face and then looked back at Michael, taking another breath. “A long time ago, Brian and I were at the White Party together—in Miami.”
Michael nodded.
“. . . anyway, we uhh . . .” Ben pursed his lips, letting the confession make itself.
Michael blinked, looking down at the floor as he thought it over. “You and Brian?” His voice was quiet and distant.
“That’s right,” Ben said. “ . . . twice.”
Michael rubbed his forehead and then brought a hand over his chin and mouth. His gaze was intense—it almost looked like he wanted to cry, shout and laugh all at the same time.
A moment of silence, and then Michael finally spoke, still not looking at Ben.
“And neither one of you was ever gonna tell me?!”
“Well, I was following Brian’s lead on this one, since he’s been your best friend practically your entire life. And he has some bullshit philosophy about ‘Gay Etiquette,’ so I just figured it was better not to bring it up . . .”
Michael scoffed. “I can’t believe you actually went along with one of his bogus philosophies . . .” He shook his head.
Ben placed a hand on Michael’s knee, which caused him to look up at him. “We should’ve told you. A long time ago. And for that, I’m sorry, too.”
Michael nodded. “Well, like you said, I guess now we’re even.”
Ben frowned, glancing out to the side. “Only difference is, I didn’t fuck him while you and I were together.” He looked back at Michael. “I didn’t even know you when it happened, or I guarantee it wouldn’t have.” He frowned.
Michael sighed. “You’re right.” His voice grew quiet again, guilt clearly bleeding through.
“But, I eventually thought about it enough that I calmed down,” Ben continued, “and I slept on it. When I woke up, I realized that now that it’s happened . . . it’s done. I’m not gonna be waiting for the other shoe to drop anymore.”
Michael blinked, raising his eyebrows in curiosity as he looked at Ben. “What do you mean?”
Ben sighed. “To be honest, a part of me has always been waiting for you to hook up with Brian.” He shrugged, matter-of-factly. “Y’know, every time the two of you would be out late together, ‘til the wee hours of the morning . . . every time you’d come home trashed . . . or tell me you’d spent the night in jail together . . .”
“Nothing ever happened,” Michael insisted.
“I know,” Ben said, nodding. “I know that now, and I’m sorry for being suspicious all those times. But it was eating away at me, and now it doesn’t have to anymore. I can let it go . . . go back to being Zen Ben.” He gave him a little smile.
Michael hinted at a chuckle, but was still too serious to go there. “But I mean, I still fucked him . . . you’re not upset?”
“Oh, I’m pissed,” Ben said seriously, nodding to solidify his insistence. “But I also know you had something you needed to resolve, from way before we ever knew each other. We’ve both had people in our lives who we’ve loved, or still love, and that’s okay. And despite how you just summed it up, I know that for you it was more than just a fuck.”
Michael nodded slightly. “Well what does this mean now? For us?”
Ben contemplated for a second. “We are okay . . . but if it happens again—tell me, so I can get out of the way.” He patted Michael’s thigh and gave him a little squeeze, following by a firm nod and a smile.
“It won’t happen again,” Michael said.
Ben shook his head. “Let’s not make any promises. Let’s just . . . do our best, and if something comes up, we’ll deal with it together.” His smile turned genuine. “But I gotta tell ya, Michael, I won’t ever stand in your way of happiness.”
Michael shook his head. “You bring me happiness.” He reached out to touch Ben for the first time, taking the hand on his thigh in his own. “You do.”
“So do you,” Ben said quietly. They kissed. As they drew back, they smiled at one another.
“Can I come out now?” a muffled voice called from across the room.
“Emmett?” Michael called, laughing.
The far bedroom’s door opened, and Emmett emerged, smiling and waving. “Thank god, I’ve had to tinkle for like an hour now but there was no way I was gonna interrupt you boys.” He pranced past them on the way to the bathroom, Michael and Ben both laughing as the door closed. Then they looked back at each other.
“So, we’re really okay?” Michael asked.
“Yeah,” Ben said, smiling. “We are.”

---

Fuck this stupid bullshit. Brian was going to hear him out, and they were going to have a talk, FINALLY, goddammit. Justin was still pissed from being turned away the last time he’d made the effort, and he was no longer sure if he wanted to talk to Brian to try to actually resolve anything, or just to tell him the fuck off.
And he’d been turned away for her, no less. Brian had actually told him to get lost because he had a female over. As much as he turned over the thought in his mind, he couldn’t make any sense of it.
Then again, Brian’s actions didn’t always have much discernable logic behind them . . .
Justin shook his head and groaned, thinking everything over as he trotted up the steps outside the brick complex. He saw the Corvette parked beneath the streetlight, sitting where the Jeep used to. He sighed as he contemplated how he’d never even been in that car . . . with Brian . . . and he wasn’t sure he’d ever get the opportunity. Suddenly, Justin’s anger began shifting towards remorse and heartbreak.
No, fuck that! There was no way he was going to let himself enter sad mode. Anger was much easier to deal with. Anger was palpable. You could punch or fuck anger away. Those tricks never worked on despair. Sure, they’d cover it for a while, but it never actually resolved.
Halfway up to Brian’s floor in the elevator, Justin suddenly panicked. He had absolutely no idea what he was going to say. At the moment, in fact, he wasn’t sure of why he even wanted to confront Brian at all.
Shit . . .
The elevator came to a halt at Brian’s floor. Justin remained still, taking in the complete, eerie silence. Brian’s building was always weirdly quiet, and he hardly ever saw anyone else entering or leaving. Strange . . .
He had two choices now. He could push the down arrow on the elevator, turn back and leave—and Brian would never even know he’d been there at all. Then he could resume life as he knew it. Maybe he’d even spare both of them a lot of grief.
Or he could face his ex-lover.
With a heavy sigh, Justin pulled open the elevator. Shit, he’d apparently chosen to go with option B. God help him.
An abnormally nervous, shaky arm extended out in front of him as he pounded against Brian’s door, knocking loud enough he was sure to be heard. He was simultaneously proud of himself and scared shitless, mentally cussing himself out for not having bolted.
It wasn’t long before the door opened and Justin was staring at his ex. Brian was wearing a white button-up dress shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and dress pants. However, his feet were bare.
“What are you doing here?” Brian asked. He sounded . . . tired.
Justin cleared his throat. “You sent me away last time . . . but I still really need to talk to you.”
Brian just blinked, staring back at him with only a slightly irritated expression.
“Can we talk? Please,” Justin said. His desperation came through loud and clear in his voice, and on his face.
Brian shut his eyes briefly and took a loud breath in. “Fine,” he said, already walking back inside, leaving the door open for Justin to follow.
Justin stepped in after him and closed the door. Watching Brain walk was mesmerizing. Even though things were thoroughly fucked between them now, Justin couldn’t deny to himself that his heart was totally in knots without Brian.
He followed Brian all the way to the kitchen, and watched him grab his half-full glass of Jim Beam from the counter top and take a gulp before turning around to face him. He leaned heavily on the counter, propping himself against it with one arm. He held his glass casually with the other hand and raised an eyebrow at Justin, who stopped right at the entrance and just looked at him.
“So it’s over, huh?” Brian’s statement was more of an observation than a question, his voice totally deadpan.
“Huh?” Justin asked.
“With Ian,” Brian said. “It’s over now?”
Justin scoffed. “E-than,” he corrected. “And why would you say that?”
“The fuck else would you be here for?” Brian scoffed back.
Justin frowned, looking away to the side. “Yeah, it’s over.” He felt exposed. Embarrassed.
Brian tongued the inside of his cheek and nodded, unamused. “What happened to the love that was gonna last an eternity?” he asked, his brows furrowing in sarcasm.
“Eternities aren’t as long as they used to be.”
“And so . . . what, you thought you could come crawling back here after your failed romance with Paganini Jr.?” Brian blinked several times, his frustration bleeding through.
“As a matter of fact,” Justin said, his voice becoming more confident. He looked up at Brian and took a couple steps towards him. “I’ve given it some thought—I think you should take me back.”
Brian raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side. “That so?”
Justin nodded. “I know that I’ve made some mistakes . . .”
Brian chuckled sarcastically. “Please. That’s not the problem. Never was.”
Justin’s brows furrowed as he took another couple steps closer, closing the gap between them almost entirely. “What do you mean?”
Brian glared down at Justin coolly. He took another swig of his drink, set the glass down on the counter, turned and walked a couple of steps away from him. He rubbed his face, then let his palm fall loudly against his thigh. He turned back to face Justin.
“I mean the problem is that you don’t want me. And you never did.”
Justin’s jaw dropped. “That’s not true!”
“The fuck it’s not,” Brian countered, chuckling again.
“How can you even say that?!” Justin shook his head, a seriously disturbed look on his face.
“Because it’s the fucking truth,” Brian nodded.
“That is bullshit!” Justin scoffed. “You’re all I’ve wanted since the first night I set foot on Liberty Avenue! Since I saw you walking out of Babylon and you eyed me up and down, then came over to seduce me and take me home.”
Justin’s brows furrowed, his eyes now full of concern and remorse. He walked over to Brian and placed a tentative hand on his upper arm, slowly running it down. Brian watched him with one eyebrow raised.
“Since you brought me back, here, and made love to me,” Justin said quietly.
“That wasn’t love,” Brian said, half amused. “I just gave you a rimjob and fucked your brains out.”
Justin blinked, a small smile forming. “It was love to me.”
Brian exhaled, his shoulders falling heavily. He walked away from Justin, passing him and heading back into the kitchen. “Well whatever it was, it wasn’t enough to keep you here,” he muttered and grabbed his drink again.
Justin shut his eyes tight and sighed. “Brian,” he said, turning towards him. He rejoined him in the kitchen. “I’m sorry.”
Brian gulped down the last of his drink and then grabbed the bottle and poured himself another. Justin stepped up beside him and placed a hand on top of Brian’s before he could lift the glass again. Brian reluctantly turned his head to look at his ex.
“I’m sorry I fucked up,” Justin said, completely serious. “I’m sorry for every time I fucked up. For . . . when I left your door unlocked and you got robbed, and then I stole your credit card and ran away to New York.”
Brian scoffed and shook his head, rolling his eyes. Justin squeezed his hand, succeeding in causing Brian to look back at him.
“I’m sorry for breaking our contract—so soon after we’d agreed to the terms—when I kissed that virgin. I’m sorry I couldn’t make love to you after the bashing. I’m sorry for going to Vermont without you when you made partner, and not being here to celebrate with you.”
Brian watched him, listening, his face still largely blank. His eyes heavy with fatigue from a late night followed by a long work day.
Justin ran his hand up and over Brian’s arm to his chest. “And I’m sorry,” he stroked him, “for leaving you for Ethan. And hiding it from you.” Justin shook his head. “It was the biggest fucking mistake of my pathetic, stupid life.” He chuckled quietly, but his regret was clear.
Brian sighed heavily and pulled away, Justin’s arm falling and returning to his side as Brian leaned up against the opposite countertop.
A moment of silence. Brian stared blankly at the floor in front of him, Justin’s heart caught in his throat as he waited for him to speak. Finally . . .
“That doesn’t change anything,” Brian said, not looking at Justin.
“What the fuck do you mean?” Justin asked, shaking his head. “Of course it does—”
“No, it doesn’t,” Brian straightened himself up, towering over Justin and looking down his nose at him, his nostrils flaring slightly as anger crept through. “Because the fucking reason that all that shit happened at all is because I was never enough for you in the goddamn first place!”
Justin’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped open again. He uttered some sort of sound from his throat as his head started shaking. “H-how . . . can you even say that?!”
“Because it’s true,” Brian snapped. “Just like I already fucking said.” He chuckled, an angry smile spreading across half of his mouth. He shook his head. “I’ve never been enough for you. You want what I won’t give you. THAT’S why you were unhappy, and that’s why you had to act out, and do the shit you did!”
“Brian—”
“Don’t argue with me,” Brian hissed. He laughed, a short, pissed off laugh and looked away from Justin, as he shook his head again.
“You might’ve convinced yourself this was what you wanted in the beginning,” Brian continued, “but it was never good enough for you.” He chewed his bottom lip. His expression softened, morphing into one of sadness. “But the sex was the most mind-blowing thing you’d ever experienced in your brand new out-and-proud life . . . it surpassed everything in your wildest homosexual fantasies . . . that’s why you stuck around.”
After a few seconds, Brian’s face turned back to Justin. He one-shoulder shrugged. His voice dropped to his lowest, most heartbreaking tone. “Hell, you even convinced yourself it was love.”
Justin scoffed. “I cannot fucking BELIEVE you right now!” He stepped over in front of Brian, looking him dead in the eyes. “How DARE you tell me that I didn’t love you?”
Brian blinked, saying nothing.
Justin took a breath. “Maybe that’s what you need to tell yourself, because maybe it makes this whole thing easier. But it’s a crock of shit and I won’t put up with it! I’ve loved you from the first night we met.” He breathed. “I still do.”
The same lack of emotion remained on Brian’s face.
“And I know you love me,” Justin said bravely. He raised an eyebrow. “Even though you’ll never say it.”
Finally, a reaction. Brian’s face contorted into a smirk, and then he chuckled sarcastically again. He shook his head at Justin in irritated amusement.
“You think you’ve got it all figured out?” Brian’s irritated laugh came through with the last couple words.
“Yeah, I do,” Justin said, standing taller.
Another chuckle, then Brian’s face transformed to his alter-ego . . . Rage.
“What the FUCK do you know?!” he shouted.
Justin swallowed. He spoke calmly, confidently. “I know what you want.”
“The fuck you do . . .” Brian’s voice was low, and full of grit. He looked completely disgusted.
“Yeah, I do,” Justin countered. “And I’ll fucking prove it.”
And with that, he grabbed Brian’s face and pulled it to his, capturing his lips in a loud, hard kiss. Brian’s mouth remained closed, resisting him, so Justin worked his arms around Brian’s back and pulled him closer, kissing him until Brian’s lips fell into synch with his own and gave him something to work with. That is, for a few precious seconds, until Brian ripped his head back, shooting Justin a death glare.
Justin wasn’t fazed. He pulled Brian in again as his lips reclaimed familiar territory. Brian’s stiff posture softened just enough for Justin to sense his victory. He wasted no time trying to be sweet about it, because he knew he’d instantly lose him that way. He made sure the kisses were sloppy, wet and full of lust, his tongue hungrily lapping against Brian’s, tasting him for the first time in what felt like a real eternity.
Hard cocks strained against their pants, sensing the presence of one another, dying to be reconnected, to revisit long-lost places. Brian’s hands had been holding onto the countertop behind him in strong resistance, but finally defied his wishes and latched onto Justin, pulling him closer, needing to grind himself against that familiar flesh, to satisfy that hunger in his groin.
Justin moaned into Brian’s mouth, expressing his profound longing for him in every possible facet. He slid a hand over and around to Brian’s chest, then all the way down to his bulge, cupping him, rubbing him. Brian growled and bit down on Justin’s lip, dragging it back and into his mouth, pulling it as he sucked so sweetly. In that single second of separation, there was a connection of eyes and such a sensation of heat between them that it couldn’t be contained any longer.
Justin brought his hands frantically to the top button of Brian’s shirt—and Brian immediately slapped them away, grabbed him by the wrists and pinned his arms back down at his sides. Justin stared at him, dumbfounded but horny as all hell, and Brian raised a confident, lustful eyebrow at him. He released Justin’s hands and then went to work unbuttoning his own shirt, tonguing the inside of his cheek teasingly as he stared back at Justin, who grinned, remembering his ex’s tactics lovingly. Brian did allow Justin to slide his shirt off his shoulders and down his arms, placing it carefully on the clean countertop.
Brian came forward and grabbed Justin, spun him around and shoved him up against the kitchen island, bending him forward over the counter. His hands found their way around to his button and zipper, and seconds later Justin’s jeans and boxers were on the floor, around his ankles. Justin moaned as Brian stroked his hard cock a few times, taking care to cup and squeeze his balls. Brian grabbed an emergency condom from his back pocket, then his pants also found their way to the floor.
The sound of Brian putting the condom on was agony for Justin. He clawed into the hard surface in front of him, moaning as he felt Brian’s hot breaths falling against his neck. Luckily the agony only lasted a second, because Brian buried his cock deep inside of him. Justin leaned over the counter, moaning loudly. Brian grunted, running one hand over Justin’s torso, lifting his shirt halfway up as he stroked his chest and abdomen, then started pumping him. Justin cried out Brian’s name, sliding one of his hands overtop of the one Brian had firmly hooked onto his hip.
Brian bit his lip and groaned as he watched himself slamming up against Justin’s ass over and over. It’d been a long fucking time, and yet it felt like just yesterday they were fucking on his couch. Regardless of how much time had passed, his cock instantly remembered how much it loved being buried deep inside Justin. If nothing else, the two of them certainly did fit together perfectly—in a literal sense.
Too bad they’d never see eye-to-eye romantically, or at least, so it seemed. Something about that fact made Brian fuck Justin harder, having to claim this opportunity while he could, or something like that. His pulsating hips undulated faster and faster, Justin’s cock bouncing about as Brian fucked him.
His mouth was wide open as he alternated between moans and gasps for air and crying out Brian’s name, but Justin still turned his head toward Brian, leaning his face up against him, their cheeks pressed together. Brian slid both hands up to Justin’s chest, holding him close as he pumped him, their hips swaying back and forth together in the most beautiful sort of primitive dance. Their mouths finally found their way to each other, and they kissed. Passion, longing, and unresolved feelings poured out of each of them, flowing into the other. Lips, tongue, teeth, hands, pecs, hips, cock and ass, all connecting. They were one.

---

I smiled, admiring Brian’s key in my hand as the elevator reached my stop. I turned it back and forth, letting the light catch it and reflect into my eyes. A giddy smile spread over my mouth as I stepped out of the elevator, a confident strut working its way into my walk as I approached his door.
Since I was now free to come and go as I pleased, I didn’t waste time knocking. Besides, Brian and I had no secrets, nothing to hide from each other . . .
The dorky smile still on my face, I pulled open the door and stepped in.
“It’s me, thought I’d surpri—"
I stopped dead in my tracks.
There they were, dead ahead of me. Brian and Justin, fucking in the kitchen. And kissing. Their pants were around their ankles, their bodies totally conjoined, their hips pumping away. Brian was really giving it his all, fucking him hard and fast.
At least, that was what I witnessed before Brian heard me, and immediately turned, registered my presence, and stopped, his hips slowing to a halt, undoubtedly much to both of their disappointment.
My mouth hung wide open, and my eyes were probably wide enough to match. I blinked, staring for a good moment, unable to look away.
“I, uhh . . . Didn’t mean to interrupt,” I blurted, then immediately turned and fled.
“Shit!” Brian’s voice echoed across the loft. I heard the sound of pants frantically being gathered and zipped. Followed by more swearing.
“Sage, wait!” he called after me.
But I was already gone.