MyrnaLynne

She has diabetes, but a lot of people are diabetic and aren't so sickly from it, so I'm not sure if there's something else going on with her as well. I feel sorry for her and very sad for my son And her father is a doctor, so you'd think she would have had decent medical care...

That wedding dress was so beautiful, when I saw her in it, I started to tear up! Such a nice couple of young people, that bride and groom both from big Irish families. The priest mentioned 'the blessing of children' quite frequently in the service..

podmom

That is a lovely picture!! Beautiful. It is another proof of my theory that tall men marry short women. I have noticed it so much...in my own family too. Us tall girls ..not always but mostly marry average height men. Have you guys noticed that?

Wow that was a long drive and lots of early mornings!!!

Gosh that is so sad about Debbie's health and weakness. To not be able to walk a couple of blocks is crazy weak

I know it is very special when you get to spend time with both/all your children when they don't live near you any more

95 is old lets face it. Maybe Irma will be a silver lining if it gets dad to face reality Good luck with that researching. Let me know if I can answer any questions because I did a lot of research and visiting of places plus dealt with one for a year.....a very long year

keepsmiling7

PODMOM ............. you really do have the expertise in locating facilities. I have become more aware myself since our two best friends left us for assisted living or retirement apartments. I saw what they went through, and of course settled close to their children.

Hubby's former mother-in-law told me once she stayed in her house until her death at 99 because she wanted to have a place for her granddaughters to stay and visit her. Their mother died at age 56. So right now that is my thinking, I want my children to come visit and have a place to stay, as long as possible. I won't be sad when I get to give up cooking three meals a day.

podmom

keepsmiling I think it is best to stay in your own house as long as possible unless you can afford a really really nice retirement place. They are not cheap. Moving toward a child and getting an apartment ( if stairs and yard work etc become too much) is a good first step if you have enough money to get help in. It is good for kids to help out but if possible not to burden them with actual physical 24/7 care. I pray never to do that to my children although I do hesitate to say that because God taught me so many valuable lessons during that long ordeal ( although shortened my life I think so that isn't good) as well as showed up in so many awesome ways....so I guess you do what you can do...trust God and try to be a blessing when you can and try hard not to become a complaining nervous negative old person at this point given my siblings health history I am thinking getting real old is probably not in the cards but no ones knows that but God.

wow 99! Keeping the money and house for the kids is something to think about too.....you want to have something left to leave. Wanting a place for them to visit you is huge too. That is why I want to keep my big PA house and am building a big OC house. I want a place for the kids and grands to all be together in. Even though it is rare...it is nice to be comfortable when it does happen. A huge blessing that I am never not grateful for. I had great hope to be able to have a place for my sister to have her kids and grands at....it is such a heart ache that I can't do that. Of course I will invite her kids but she was always wanting to come home to OC.... it was a cry to go back in time really but the few times I got her to come it was so good for her. Thank goodness we had that one last week after Emily's wedding I have moved to what feels like a harder phase of the grief process just to keep you guys aware. I think it is moving from the shock part to the sinking truly in getting really sad and missing her part. I don't talk about it too much ( I hope) because it is too sad for our little escape world but we do share the hard stuff too which is very healthy. So just checking in with that. It is a daily struggle still.

MyrnaLynne

Thanks PodMom I can use all the advice there is right now!

My brother called (right in the middle of DWTS premiere ) to talk about Dad, and of course we had to talk at length (the only way my brother talks, and he keeps getting sidetracked by minutia) - anyway, he mostly wanted to vent. He's so frustrated that Dad doesn't want to go live in California with them, when his place is fairly handicapped accessible and he and his wife work with elders as their job, plus my sister-in-law managed the healthcare of her aunt (for rich cousin) and for another person as a paid job. She knows the ins and outs of this stuff!

But they all get on my Dad's last nerve, and I can't see him out there, tripping over their constantly barking dachshunds etc. I told by brother how hard caring for an elderly infirm parent is (from PodMom and Wen's experiences), but my Dad has helped my brother pretty much his whole life, and my brother would love to be able to return the favor. Their hearts are definitely in the right place!

After the hurricane, I just wanted to just fly down there and get Dad and bring him home - but we have two big flights of stairs, an antique claw foot tub you have to climb into to shower, etc - there is nowhere to put Dad, and my house would be terrible for an almost 95 person. My husband is thinking about driving down there again and staying with Dad for awhile, so I can finish up my work and work on retirement. He's no good at researching/executive stuff, but he'd help Dad and Dad wouldn't be alone. My Dad has always been in charge of himself and handling things, but after the trauma of this storm, that is slipping - he said he'd hire a home health aide person months ago, but never did anything about it - he's putting things off.

Grief takes a long time to deal with PodMom, and your loss is still pretty recent. You have to give yourself time.

You're right keepsmiling aging in place at home is the best way to go, if you can manage it. That's what my brother was saying, why should strangers look after Dad, thousands of miles from either one of us? It's not a good plan.

And yes Podmom tall men marry very short women (a lot of them drive tiny cars too - lol), taking all the tall husbands that tall gals like my daughter need to find! Although her John is quite tall. I really like him! Love him like a son already.



The best thing about family events: family pictures!

keepsmiling7

ML.......yes the best thing about family events is that you have the pictures to remember. And if your family is like ours, it is so hard to get everyone together unless it is a special event. Thanks for sharing your wonderful family picture. I have to assume MrML is the one taking the picture, or else he'd be in there with you.

PODMOM.......I realize your grief for your sister is beyond shock now. Reality has a way of setting in later on. When my first hubby died at Thanksgiving, it was six months later that I was at a funeral for the mother-in-law of a good friend of mine. That is the time every thing hit home for me and I had a big melt down at the funeral. Every one thought I was really upset over this woman that I didn't even know. That was when reality had set in. There will be so many things coming up now for you and your sisters children that will be both difficult and rewarding.

ML......my best wishes and prayers as you and you brother decide the fate of your father.

podmom

Thank you keepsmiling for sharing your story and giving me sage hard learned wisdom. Yes I have a long way to go in this process to acceptance and a less raw wound.

Aging in place..that is the official term ML I advise that if possible although one of the places near me that was private and of course took no Medicaid and you had to buy your apartment ( you can sell it when you don't "need" it) and it would cost about 5,000. a month was really really nice and when you had to end up in health care all the rooms were private. It is called Kendal and they have a few places around the country. I could see myself there. Lots of activities and classes and very nice eating area and pools and houses that are separate from the larger place.

here is the one near me to give you an idea

kendal retirement community kennett square pa

Here is the list..there is one kinda near you....they are Quaker started and still inspired. If you live longer they don't kick you out..they fund raise to be able to help ppl stay

where are all the kendal retirement communities located

ML iWhat s a great picture!!! Your outfit turned out great!! Thanks for sharing it

MyrnaLynne

Yes, keepsmiling it takes times to process things/for them to hit. It was good you were at a funeral and had a good place to melt down and weep! HUGS! I know with my daughter, when her (beloved) grandmother died, she was too little to understand death, but then a few years later, she started processing it and mourning, drawing pictures of her grandmother, looking at photos of her, etc, it was very touching, and interesting that her grief could be delayed until she was older. My sister-in-law Barbara is doing a lot better, three years since her husband passed so suddenly, but I'm sure she still has her days..

PodMom Are those the CRCC places - continuity of care? I like the sound of those a lot but they are pricey. Some cost $300,000 to buy a place there, plus the monthly payments, but then when you pass, your family gets the money back for that (or some of it/they can sell it?) and as you need higher care, they move you to different areas of the same place. I think a lot of the religion-based homes are very good; the Quakers are nice people. Thanks for the tip! I'd like a place with activities and they take you to plays and such. That would be fun.

Had a good talk with Dad, he sounds a lot better and more taking charge of things, and I was relieved - he contacted his long-term care provider to come explain his benefits, he has a social worker attached to the hospital/his doctor coming to evaluate and give recommendations, and he's been talking to some of his neighbors - He found out assisted living isn't what he thought it was, it's more an apartment with option of group meals and some help, but you are still pretty much on your own (they don't assist you all that much). It's where our relative/neighbor Margaret went after she had some strokes (at 95 or so). It seemed very nice there - she had a kitchenette/sitting room and bedroom and bath and she was content. He said he'll want me to come down after he's gathered info before he makes his final decision. He's thinking about getting a home health person to come in and help him every day to start. His feet are just getting so bad, they are limiting him a lot.

Plus he had a real trauma with being in the dark for almost a week with no AC after the hurricane - gave him sort of night terrors and now he's sleeping with the light on and opened up all his hurricane shutters to let the light in (he always kept most of them down before, and lived in, well, a cave), maybe to save on air conditioning, who knows why. This is a guy who isn't scared by much and it bothered him that this upset him so much, but it's understandable! It's like shell shock after a terrible event.

No, hubby wasn't in that famly photo because he was running off to the parking lot to get the car. Here he is! (Last one, I promise!) And my other dress I got for the reception.


And that's a 'Shirley Temple' in my hand (I don't drink!)

keepsmiling7

Thank ML........for the pix of MrML. It seems like the camera person usually doesn't have many pictures of themselves........I'm glad he made this picture.......and your dress is really pretty. Perfect choice I would say!

MyrnaLynne

Thanks keepsmiling, I got the blue suit for the wedding and then my sister in law said she was wearing a gown, and the reception was 'formal' so I started worrying my first outfit wasn't 'evening' enough - of course what I had would have been fine, people wore all sorts of stuff, but it was so much fun finding the fancy dress! Maybe I'll use it as mother of the bride dress one of these days (I hope). ;>

Dad is going to look at 3 types of assisted living on Tuesday with a guy from the county who helps seniors relocate to better care and Monday he's talking to his long-term care insurance agent to explain his coverage/how to take advantage of it. Things are moving along. He would get more for his care money moving somewhere than having a person come in to look after him, supposedly.

His legs are very bad though, edema and weeping, that needs bangaging and treatment. I don't think assisted livings take care of that/will take him in the shape he's in. Time will tell.

I'm thinking of flying down there over Columbus Day weekend (if there are still plane tickets/they aren't a million dollars) to check in with him and see if I can be of any help. Of course Mr Ml doesn't want to go with me/fly. I am feeling so overwhelmed with this stuff already and it's just the tip of the iceberg!

Roswell 10/2/00

Sending this on over if anyone can help please PM Kwikimart! Thanks.

podmom

I'm with keepsmiling ML I really like that grey shimmering dress ...very pretty and would do for a mother of a bride dress for sure!! THat is one of the best photos I've seen of you and Mr ML.... thanks for posting it. I love all pictures from everyone....keep'm coming

I don't know what CRCC stands for...probably something obvious

I remember my sister and husband really researched long term care insurance and they ultimately decided not to get it because it was so expensive plus the deal breaker was you wouldn't get a private room when you had to go to the health care unit. At least with the guy they worked with them....their firm didn't. Hard choices when you get old and infirm. I wish I didn't know what I do know after having mom in a place

SO beach house update.....the asbestos siding is off...the rest of the house will come down in a week or two. I guess it is really happening.

Upstairs neighbor has been kind of a pip and the girls ( single moms on either side) are of course unhappy. Not with me but with the situation and one with upstairs neighbor. They have had issues for years so the silver lining she told me for her is that now our side door will be on her side. It really does suck for them and I'm sorry but we had to do it....they both said and know they would if they had the money.

Getting ready for teaching bible study tomorrow.....big responsibility to me..... goodness I could never me president or something...yikes I don't know how all these people in the public sphere stand the strss

keepsmiling7

ML........it seems like the decisions have just begun with your Dad. I do have long term care, but hubby does not. Again, I hope to stay in this house as long as possible. Hope all goes well when you travel down that way in October.

PODMOM.......yes, the OC project is now underway! Your Bible Study will keep you very busy. Our leader is now on a cruise, so we aren't meeting the next three weeks. She works so hard providing us with supplemental information. I really appreciate the time she devotes to our Bible Study on Tuesday evenings.

podmom

keepsmiling Is your study a home study or affiliated with your church? What are you guys studying this year? we are doing 1&2 Peter and Jude......It I'm sure it is not an accident that I am leading for the first official time when it is the 2 books in the bible I have covered with notes. Peter is very plainly telling us how to walk the walk which is of course the part we do with the help of the Holy Spirit. This week is 1 Peter 2:4-10.....the part that talks about Jesus being the cornerstone and that we are all living stones being built together. That whole chisling/fitting/refining... being fit in part is often painful ultimately on the other side perfect. It also has the part about "women not being addicted to much wine" and to be an example to the younger women.....convicting for me who has that exact struggle.

Speaking of which...off to get dressed and go. Any prayers for me about leading this year would be so appreciated.

keepsmiling7

PODMOM........I am sending loving prayers to you as you prepare each and every lesson on 1st and 2nd Peter as well as Jude.
Our study is associated with our church, and meets Tuesday evenings from 7 - 9 p.m. at the church. It is for anyone that wishes to attend, we even have several young women that work during the day. The majority of the class is made up of couples, and my hubby started out with me. He is an early morning person, but not a night person. He dropped out but I continue to go because of the leader and outstanding conversations and sharing. We spent a lot of time comparing Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and will be starting Acts next meeting. No one knows when we'll finally complete the study with Revelation. We're there for the long haul.