MistyMountainHop

Fez's Diary Entry #3

Where’s my toast, you idioms?

Today was an interesting day. Eric had borrowed Hyde’s favorite album -- but did so without telling him. I saw him do it and told Eric so, but instead of commenting on it, he told me not to let the cat out of the bag and then rushed upstairs. I was very confused. I do not own a cat. I know Donna once did, but Eric smushed it with his car. Was he now asking me to go out and suffocate some cat by putting it in a bag? Oh, what happened to the nice boy I once knew?!

A little later, it was raining outside, and I was hanging out in the basement again. Kelso was mad because he couldn’t play basketball, but Eric was happy because rain meant he didn’t have to mow the lawn for Red. Then out of nowhere he said, "I love it when it rains cats and dogs!" Can you imagine such a horrible sight? Furry pets falling down from the sky to their horrible deaths! Oh, poor Eric had become a bloodthirsty fiend! (Lucky for him, he did not threaten turtles -- how I love their manly shells.)

Upon hearing Eric’s shocking statement, I ran upstairs to tell his sweet mother what had happened to him (her low-cut blouse was a nice bonus). Miss Kitty explained to me that Eric was just using idioms -- which is a fancy word for common expressions. That makes sense since Eric was acting like an idiot (idiom clearly comes from the root word idiot).

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That '70s Show diary entries copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC.

alyak0807

Oh, lord, Fez.

msstock87

Oh God, Fez!

MistyMountainHop

Fez's Diary Entry: #4

Fez’s new accent

You know how my friends make fun of my accent? You don’t? Well, they do. And now they are making fun of it even more! You see, at lunch today when they were all removing their glorious goodies from their brown bags, I unloaded the usual sandwich with the one piece of deli meat, an apple (with lots of brown spots), and carrots. (Jackie says that carrots make your boobs grow. I do not need bigger boobs! Or do I?) For some reason my Bible-thumping, anti-anything-that-tastes-good host parents refuse to pack me the sugary snacks I so desire! And since the gang knows how I love the sweets, they give me the wrappers from their Twinkies and Ding Dongs so I can lick off all the goodness the treat may have left behind. (They even give me the cheesy crumbs from their bag of Doritos. They are too kind!)

Well, today Miss Kitty packed Eric a can of pudding, and I asked Eric if I could have the lid to lick. (He even shook up the can of pudding just so some extra gooeyness would get on the lid. He is sweet ... but not as sweet as pudding!) While I was taking my last scrumptious lick, I accidentally sliced my tongue on the lid. Ai! I told the gang that I injured my tongue and needed a Band-Aid. But instead they laughed at me and made fun of my "new" accent. "Isth noth funny!" I thsaid. Oh, how they laughed and laughed.

When I went home that night (with gauze tied around my tongue), my host parents explained to me that this was the Lord punishing me for going behind their backs and taking sweets from other people. Then they sent me to my room to think about what I had done. So I did. And I realized that I should stick to plastic wrappers. Lesson learned!

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That '70s Show diary entries copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC.

alyak0807

Oh my goodness!

GardenSirens

Poor, Fez!

MistyMountainHop

Fez's Diary Entry: #5

Fez needs help with Rhonda

So I heard the most wonderful song on the radio the other day -- “Help Me Rhonda”. It is beautiful, and it reminds me of my beloved girlfriend, Rhonda, and how much she has helped me (by kissing me often -- sometimes even in public). The song is by a group called the Beach Boys, but I saw a picture, and they are not boys at all -- more like chubby old men. I guess the Beach Chubby Old Men isn’t as catchy, though. But, you must admit, it would be more accurate.

Anyway, I went out and bought the album and gave it to my Rhonda (it cost six dollars, but there’s no expense too great for Rhonda -- nor for the wonderful make-out session this would surely lead to). Well, instead of being overjoyed by my romantic gesture, she got mad. She said the song was about a boy who uses a girl named Rhonda to forget about another girl. I told her there was no other girl, only her -- but she did not believe me and stormed out! Oh, how I now hate the stupid Beach Chubby Old Men and their stupid records! (But I do still like their red and white pinstripe shirts; those are quite fabulous.)

So now I do not know what to do. Hyde says if I want to get Rhonda back, I should give her a cool record, like Led Zeppelin IV, or the Rolling Stones’ Exile on Main Street, but I don’t see how that would help -- neither record has songs about beautiful big-boned women named Rhonda. No, I think I will do what has always worked in our relationship: I will get on my hands and knees and beg Rhonda not to break up with me. And then, maybe someday in the future, there will be more kisses for Fez!

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That '70s Show diary entries copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC.

appalove

This made me laugh (and think of our dear, misguided, favorite fictional "foreigner", Fez!):

msstock87

That's pretty funny!

MistyMountainHop

Fez would totally relate. He might even tear up in empathy. Or he'd get angry that animal stole "his" line.

msstock87

I could see that happening.

jackiehydelover

Hehe - That was cute!

MistyMountainHop

Fez's Diary Entry: #6

Watch your language!

I do not understand Americans. I mean, today I got in a big argument with Kelso because he couldn’t explain to me why Donna was called a redhead -- when her hair was not red. Should she then not be called an orangehead? He said that I was being an idiot. Idiot? I’m not the one who gave it the wrong name. It is like how all the Americans go around saying they speak English. But they are Americans, so shouldn’t they say they speak Americanish? It is so obvious! Then later today, Eric made me go to the movies with him. He said they were showing the trailer for the new Star Wars movie and that we must not be late. I did not understand the rush, but it turns out the trailer comes before the movie; it does not trail after it at all. What foolishness!

But then, worst of all, I found out a terrible secret when we went to The Hub after the movie. It turns out, my favorite Americanish meal is not what I thought it was at all! And everyone thought I was disgusting for making the mistake. But I say shame on them for giving it such a misleading name -- I mean, why would you call it a hot dog unless that’s what it was? I say it is they who are disgusting, with their tricky language! I mean, next thing you know, they will tell me there is no ham in hamburgers. Stupid sneaky country.

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That ‘70s Show diary entries copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC.

3Cats

Haha he does struggle with the language barrier.

MistyMountainHop

Yes, he does.

"My lips are seals."

"You're the loof."