ruthio

kay, sorry for all the posts...

i ask forgiveness with...

HARTMANN FIC!!!!

hope it's ok :/ constructive crit appreciated!!! i think i didnt quite get Emma right in this, i was concentrating so much of jenny that emma sort of got neglected i can only focus on one of them per fic (booooo)

So geht's weiter!!! (or whatever those ads on sat1 sat at the bottom...)
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As Jenny continued to enjoy the warmth of Emma’s embrace, her mind wandered, thinking about how beautifully Emma had described kissing her, and yes, it was amazing...

Kissing went waaaaaay back for Jenny, she loved kiss chase with the kids at school. She argued that the girls were easier to catch, so of course they were fair game! And the day she came up with the inspired “of course girls kiss each other for practice! You wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself with the boy of your dreams” had earned her the sweet lips of quite a few cute girls.

Suffice to say, Jenny was always into girls, and teamed with her passionate nature, it all got a bit too much for those around her. It was one thing to count off random kisses with fair maidens (and her parents had always managed to put all her hand holding down to their daughter being a very affectionate friend) but when they were called into the school to collect their defiant 14 year old from the headmaster’s office for kissing her ‘friend’ Laura in morning break on one of the desks in her English class, things got a bit complicated.

Jenny’s first love had freaked at the first sign of punishment. Jenny had been happily snogging Laura most lunch times in various corridors around the school for about a month, and supported her girl through all the doubt and worry of liking another girl and not wanting people to know....but as word had travelled, they’d been called to the principal, and Laura’s resolve crumbled – she wanted so badly to keep her spotless school record that she pushed the blame onto Jenny, and never spoke to her again, averting her gaze and bowing her head any time Jenny came into the room. And before the hurt this had inflicted on her, Jenny was dealing with the indignation of being punished! She was young, she was in love, and maybe she shouldn’t have kissed someone in English class (anyone would get punished for that), but was the punishment usually this severe? Or was there another problem here? Two girls, big deal. Well screw that! People are people, and just because I love a girl, i get extra special punishment –bull****!

See. Complicated. Jenny now had to deal with the gut wrenching pain of the girl she loved casting her aside just for a good school report and her parents trying at first to ignore the whole thing, and then awkwardly asking her why she would pull such a silly stunt at school while they joined the dots they’d seen in their little girl all along. Jenny was strong willed, straight talking, and knew her own mind, even as a child, so she had no qualms about telling her parents exactly why she did it. She was in love with Laura, she liked girls, she was gay - a lesbian, and if they wanted her to change, she’d better pack her bags and find a comfy shop doorway, because she wasn’t going to change.

No worries for Jenny about being gay, she knew who she was, she’d always been this way, and everyone could lump it if they didn’t like it. She was proud of who she was! Ok. So this part: not so complicated for Jenny. But Laura...that hurt. Jenny didn’t see her self as strong and confident and charming, she saw herself as Jenny Hartmann...and she took whatever came, she didn’t care what people thought. And this magnetic quality was so different in a world of gangly teenagers and insecurities, that Jenny was admired or envied by all those who knew her. The only one that mattered...was Laura. And that was the problem right now. Over the next few years, Jenny went off the deep end. If the girl she loved couldn’t cope, she’d just go and find people who could! And make sure she never cared enough about them to be hurt like that again. Happily for Jenny, her Dad got transferred to the London office of his bank, and Jenny was all too willing to leave the school that had helped mash her heart into a pulp.

New school, new country, new rules. The confidence and charm got turned up to max - this and her good looks meant Jenny could easily pass for a few years older than she was, and on the rare occasions it didn’t, false ID did the trick too. Jenny proceeded to party hard at the weekends, dancing and flirting with anyone in range, having random flings with anyone she fancied enough, male or female, and drinking. A lot. Jenny’s parents were worried, they’d had to make their peace with Jenny being gay – after a lot of discussion and umm-ing and ahh-ing, they concluded that the only worry would be other people making it hard for her, and it seemed that Jenny wouldn’t let that happen. They accepted their daughter for who she was – they were proud of her, and wouldn’t have her any other way. However it took them two years to reach this conclusion, two years of distance and trying to reason with her and pushing her further and further away...and into the drink fuelled party crazed world of SoHo.

Her parents tried to build bridges, and made enough headway to convince Jenny to go back home – Germany (a place she hadn’t been since she was six, but still, somewhere new – and Jenny was used to new with all the moving her dad did – it suited her). Her father had a business partner (and the closest he got to a friend) in Koln, she could stay there and finish off her studies back home. This suited Jenny fine. The drinking and sex had started to take their toll. This, and time, had softened the pain from the years before – it was time to calm down and finish school.

And after a few weeks, Emma had happened – bumbling, cute, shy Emma, so worried about fitting in and being bullied, that she didn’t even know herself. But jenny knew. She’d seen a little of Emma in girls when she was out, there with friends, definitely straight...until Jenny was making them scream her name – Jenny’s favourite type. Now this wasn’t Emma – not most of the time anyway. Just at odd moments, when Emma thought no one was looking, moments of furtive glances at cute classmates, almost unconscious things that Jenny could pick up on, because 5 years in clubs definitely hones a girl’s gaydar...

Jenny was different now. She’d made a decision to stop dicking about. And Emma was different. From anyone. The closest person Jenny could compare her with was Laura...vaguely, and this didn’t hurt her anymore, she didn’t want to lash out and mess with Emma like some stupid kind of revenge, like she would have a couple of years ago. Jenny wanted to get to know this girl. Now that she’d almost ran her over, and been shouted at by her (why had she thrown that sand on her? Like WHY? Man she was so cute when she was angry, it took a lot of acting prowess not to laugh at the adorableness of it all). Now they were working together, and spending so much one on one time with Emma was addictive, she was just so personable, when she wasn’t ducking her head at school, she opened up so much more, and Jenny liked what she saw. All those trivial boring details (Emma’s words, not hers) were just addictive. Jenny loved hearing Emma talk, and never knew she could enjoy learning so much about another person – she was so used to keeping people at arm’s length. But you couldn’t do that with Emma Muller if you tried – she was just magnetic, her kind and radiant personality drew you in. Even the customers seemed to think so!

Jenny realised that for the first time in her memory, she hadn’t known her own mind – she hadn’t realised why she’d wanted to rob the school prize from Emma’s STAG, and flown off the handle over trivial stuff like homework (where really, if you get someone to do it for you, you’re asking for trouble – Jenny really hated it when her confidence bit her in the arse). AND using that homework as a repeated excuse for all the other ****ty things she did to Emma – it was typical 8 year old behaviour...hit her on the arm and run away. Definitely a crush...

And now here they were, Emma had tamed Jenny without even knowing it, she was putty in Emma’s hands. Music instead of a movie? Fine! Hawaiian pizza despite Jenny hating ham, and wondering why anyone in their right mind would tin then heat pineapple chunks!? OK! Just cuddling? When all Jenny wanted to do was run her fingertips over Emma’s soft skin? No problemmo! Ok, so the last one was a bit of a stretch, but self control was proving not too much of a torture...until Emma’s wandering hands decided to slide under her top and rest on the small of her back...Emma, you’re killing me here! and I wouldn’t have it any other way