Dlyn

I agree~ for Brian, sex is not intimate. To him showing or talking about love (not friendship love like he talks about with Michael) probably feels scary and foreign. He has never done that before with someone he is sleeping with. It was interesting during the time that Justin was in the hospital and right after he got out, Brian was so consumed with helping him get well that the facade fell a little bit and he was tender and nurturing with Justin. You are right, Daggi, it was super scary for Brian to put himself in a position to feel vulnerable bc of how cold his family was to him....and that was BEFORE they found out he was gay. I love this quote from Dan Lipman that I found online that said:

“Brian was still growing up and trying to find his way through this labryrinth of a relationship that he never thought he’d have, yet was compelled by, dealing with someone who was tugging at his heart and who wouldn’t give up on him and go away.”

His pain was palpable when he ran into Justin in the bathroom and told him “ I hope you get what you want.”

Giotto

that quote is really great

what I really found sad was his friends.. they knew or better should have known him good enough to know how sensitive he was. when he started to show his love to Justin, instead of encourage him and be happy for him, they started betting against and rubbed it under his nose how tamed he got.. only Lindsay was not happy about their behaviour, knowing how Brian would react to theit mocking

Dlyn

That’s true~ like at the dinner when Brian says “yes dear” to Justin and they leave and the group takes bets about when they’ll break up. True, only Lindsey stuck up for them. Disappointed in Debbie here~ for all how she says hey are all her sons, etc, she should have been more supportive. Brian was being really good to Justin here and his friends should have recognized it and been happy for him. I think that Justin’s sincerity instead of being cynical like the others in the group could be at times is one of the things Brian was drawn to.

soulmatejunkee

I doubt they took it that serious tbh.
I doubt anyone wanted Brian to hurt Justin again or anything either.
They were just surprised and so ... made fun

daggerrose

Yeah because it was weird to them that Brian was acting like that. And then of course, he freaks out and sleeps with someone else.

Giotto

his fear was triggered more then once.. it seemed not to bother hm too much what his friends did.. but whne people in the supermarket started to gossip he snapped.. it was so sad to see Justins disappointment whne he came home with Daphne seeing him "perform" with Zuccchiniman on the couch..

daggerrose

I know!! I felt so bad for Justin. Brian was so messed up--but it all stems from fear, like you said.

SojournHeart11

For some people, dealing with emotions can be a scary thing if you don't have a level head on your shoulders for it. To Brian, showing emotions meant showing how vulnerable he was, because he knew just how deep his feelings could go... it probably scared the mess out of him. You have so much to lose when you wear your heart on your sleeve, and a lot of times, the wrong kinds of people can mistake an expression of vulnerability for a weakness... or use that vulnerability against you. Some people just do not like the feeling of feeling too much because it can make you lose yourself, or go crazy. That's why he used sex as a means to have fun. No sooner than he'd bag you, you were out because it can get emotional very fast. He wanted to avoid all that heavy stuff. Then there's that whole thing about fearing you'll lose somebody and getting hurt.

Fortunately, Justin showed him through his actions and words it didn't always have to be that way... but Brian just kept making wrong turns out of fear of falling too hard for him, or anybody.

Giotto

I guess to accept and especially admit his feelings to himself were the hardest thing he had to do so far he was able to deal with all the physical pain and not being loved, but he tried so hard to protect himslef from being hurt again in a deeper way that he didn't dare to feel .. and he was proven right in his eyes.. cause the moment he dared to show Justin how he felt ( at the promdance and shortly after) fortune struck down and showed him how bad it can hurt to love and loose your love

soulmatejunkee

But he didn't loose him, Justin didn't die.
Yet still Brian kept running away, he tried really hard to hold up a distance between them.

daggerrose

Both of your points are so true.

And I think the bashing really scared him, like you said. And of course, he blamed himself.

Giotto

I guess because he feared the pain that comes whenever he would walk away.. Brian was aware how young Justin was and didn't think he was worth so much that he would stick with him..

soulmatejunkee

Brian was a walking issue... jeez.

daggerrose

And no one bothered to help fix him.

Giotto

he was an expert in covering it up