Soleya

Soleya

It's not about me not wanting to, I just don't really have many opportunities. But I really try to reach people, I try. I paint sometimes, when inspiration hits me. I just haven't felt like it again for a while. And canvas's cost anyways. Nothing is free.

Oh the sister who lives on the other side of Canada?
Is it because of Nina? I know this time of the year is extra hard. To even think about.
It's a depressing few months in general, because it's getting so dark and cold. There is literally no light outside, it's just gray.

Aah, dance again today.

rafikis

Yeah that sister. She only had one. It was fun to get away for a while. Even if we didnt do much. And yes I blame the holidays. They are getting closer and closer. And the cold definitely doesnt help either. I dont know. I still get that moment when it just hits me all over again. And its like it just happened. I cant breathe or think clearly. I wonder when thats ever gonna stop.

How was your dancing class today? Much better than the last time I hope.

Soleya

I thought so! So that was a long trip from there and back! That's good though, little change of scenery, you haven't been anywhere since Cuba right?

Maybe it will stop being so overwhelming in time, the feeling of loss? I don't know. It's still fresh in the memory, it's impossible to escape your own thoughts. I hope you can find ways to focus on other things, at least you have work now. Do you think it will be better for you to be at work or to be at home like last year at this time?
I actually look forward to Christmas, if I can make it there then I'll be okay for a while. But it's all the things between now and then that's hard. Last year things were a little easier because I had my best friend to talk to sometimes. And now I don't. So it's all me.

Yess, it went better. Next week is fall vacation time so there's no class though, sucks. Now it's two weeks of nowhere to go. Plus it's getting so cold here! Like tights under jeans and two pairs of mittens kinda cold! I'm soo happy I have my new warm coat and boots to keep me warm.

rafikis

How is your best friend doing? Have you heard from her lately?

I am sure its going to be fine. We'll survive like we did last year. Its just something we have to get used to now, thats all. I am much better today. I went swimming. I forgot how good it feels.

No class doesnt mean you cant practice at home. That way you can blow them away when you go back. And I hear you about the weather. Its the same way over here. At least its not snowing right? We should be grateful.

Soleya

No, not for over a month. She even missed my birthday. That's bad. I guess something came up again, it's definitely way past little while longer now.

Oh I know, I was just hoping I would have something distracting me this year. Like a job. Anything really. Swimming sounds really great, exercise is def going to make you feel better. I've been going running every day too. Today I saw swans at the beach, so pretty. But I'm def going to need new running shoes, something warmer and water proof. Can't run with my shiny Adidas shoes in the winter.

Well snow isn't far away, it was -5 degrees this morning. And last night it was hailing, I thought my window was going to break. Like someone was throwing little rocks at it. I don't mind show really, real snow, not that wet stuff. At least it would make the world a little brighter.

rafikis

I am sorry. Have you tried to call her? Hoefully she is okay.

Life is a lot easier when you are busy. How is the job hunt going? Have you called any of your old bosses to remind them that you are still looking? You got nothing to lose right? I like swans. They are so beautiful. Did you take any pics?

Yes its beautiful when it snows, but it also gets muddy and wet. I am not in a hurry. Snow can wait.

Soleya

I hope so too, more than anything. Funny really, hoping is all we've been doing this entire year.

Well it's not going, there hasn't been any job openings for about 4 months now. I'd apply if I could. What old bosses, I have like one! And she can't hire me, if it was up to her I never would've left. It doesn't work like that in my field. Museums have a budget. Government decides how much each museum gets. Government is trying to save money. First place they're going to cut funding is anything dealing with culture. So no extra money for museums to hire anyone even though there is a need. There's a better chance in the Spring, smaller museums can apply for money to hire people, that's how I've gotten work in the last few summers. I could send an email in the spring to ask to contact me if anything comes up. But right now I'd just put her in an awkward position and I don't want to do that.

See I thought when I saw the swans that I should take a pic, but I didn't want to stop running. They were lovely though. But they better hurry if they want to make it to south before winter. It was snowing quite a lot here today. I was out biking and at first I was all oh snow, so pretty yay! And then it started snowing so much that I couldn't see anything anymore and my makeup started running and the magic was lost.

I got 3 yoga dvd's from the library. I need relax and stop worrying so much. I don't know if they work but it's worth a try.

rafikis

Hoping is you can do. Its not like you can fly there and hunt her down. Although I am sure you would if you could.

No I get it. Its tough field you are in. You had to pick a complicated dream job huh? One day you are going to get a big break. You just have to hang in there I guess.

Its snowing already. That probably means we are next. Our weathers seem to match up a lot. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I am not ready. I still havent updated my tires.

I hear a lot of good things about yoga. Hope they'll help you.

Soleya

If I had any extra money at all I would do that. I feel like I've waited so long, just hoping is getting very frustrating.

I know, it's all my fault, why didn't I just want to become a hairdresser or a nurse, they always get jobs! There usually are openings in my field for like maternity leave substitutes or for a projects that have gotten funding or something else short term, but now there's been nothing in the entire country for a long time. So I'm just one of the other 40 000 unemployed people with academic degree. It's starting to be a really big problem in here, it was just talked about in the news this morning too.

Oh no, you better get your tires changed quickly or the slippery weather is going to surprise you! We've been having snow for 2 days now, it's starting to look white soon. You can't escape winter, it's coming if you're ready or not! So better be ready, it's right behind the corner.

Wow it's weekend again.

rafikis

I know. Nurses find jobs all over. And they get paid really well too. But man they work crazy hours. Plus I cant imagine working at a hospital. Cant stand the smell. I dont think I have a dream job really. I was good in math, so I just fell into accounting. I wonder what I want to be when I grow up.

I have an appointment this weekend to get the tires done. I dont want to slide all over the place if it happens to snow. I mean I wouldnt mind if i were alone in the road.

I dont even know what day it is anymore. They are going so fast, I cant keep up.

Soleya

Being a nurse would be like a nightmare for me. You'd have to touch sick strangers all day long. It's not for everyone. I was never good at anything, the only thing I was better than average was art.
There are more option for someone who is really good at math isn't there? My sister is a math genius, she used to study it too. I suck at it though, can't count to safe my life. It doesn't run in the family I guess. Is your family mathematically talented?

That's good. It's been snowing all night so now everything is white. So slippery though, I already slipped and hurt my knee.

Oh, I've been meaning to ask. How are Nina's grandparents doing? You haven't mentioned them for a while. I know my grandpa is not doing very well again, he's getting depressed because he can't go outside much anymore. How are they taking winter coming, are they well?

rafikis

I almost envy you. You know exactly what you want to do and you are willing to wait no matter how hard things get for you. Thats admirable. For me its about living a comfortable life. Any work is fine.
And no it doesnt run in the family. I am the only accountant.

I got my new tires. My car is officially ready for the snow. And today we went to see about a house. Steven's co-worker just got a divorce and she wants to sell the house. It was beautiful. Big rooms, huge basement, two cars garage, in a very nice neighborhood. What to do? What to do?

They are hanging in there. We are thinking about throwing them an anniversary party next month. Something she used to do for them. No matter how hard things are for us, its a hundred time worse for them.

Soleya

Nonsense, if I was able to get any decent job that pays well right now I would take it. I'd like to live comfortably too and not count every cent I spend! Though it's true that I do know what I want, I've always known.

Oh wow, that was fast! I didn't expect you to start looking so soon. It sounds perfect though. Is that something you're seriously considering? Are you ready?

That's a really good idea, would it be a big party? Little fun might do them good, give them new energy for the winter.

rafikis

Yeah it really sucks being broke and living paycheck by paycheck. So what kinda jobs can you see yourself doing while you wait for the big break?

Honestly we went to see the house out of curiosity. I dont think any of us are ready to take that step yet. We have a lot to think about. Its not like we are gonna live together forever right?

Yeah. We are gonna go big or go home. Something small will just be too sad. They need a distraction.