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Master Fan
 
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T7S Survivor Thread #31: Season Four Quotation Survivor -- “Eric’s Hot Cousin” (4x14)
With one vote each, we must
 to...BOB: Boy, that Joanne. She's somethin', huh? DONNA: Yeah, she's nice. I like her. BOB: Good, good. Me, too. Not that I'm ready to jump into anything. I hate jumping. Makes me jiggle. AND RHONDA: Don't sweat it, small stuff. We're all part of the gang. JACKIE: Excuse me? Uh, no. I had to kiss butt for, like, a year to be part of this gang. FEZ: That was you being nice? Good God! She thinks she was being nice? --- Vote for your least favorite! First quote with 3 votes or the most votes after 2 days is voted off --- That 70s Show Season 4 Quotation Survivor! “The Third Wheel” (4x11) 1. Eliminated in Round 2 2. Eliminated in Round 1 3. Eliminated in Round 6 4. Eliminated in Round 19 5. Eliminated in Round 9 6. KELSO [with two bowling balls in his hands]: Hey, guys, look: I got ten-pound balls. [Eric and Hyde laugh.] Man, that joke never gets old. FEZ [holding two bowling balls]: Hey, guys, my balls have holes in them. [No one laughs.] Now, why isn't that funny? 7. Eliminated in Round 21 - TIE 8. DONNA: I think it's nice that you have a friend. BOB: Really? DONNA: Yeah. I also think it's nice that you're bathing and shaving again. BOB: Yeah. That was a long eight weeks, wasn't it? DONNA: So long. 9. RED: Boy, Kitty, you missed a great game. The Bucks made a last-second shot and sent those Lakers home with their tails between their California fruitcake asses! PASTOR DAVE: Go home, fruitcakes! RED: I've never seen old Pastor Dave so excited. He swore at the referee. PASTOR DAVE: “Son of a stitch.” I said, “Son of a stitch.” KITTY: Oh, well, I'm sure that fooled God. 10. RED: Hey, Dave, the Celtics are in town tomorrow. You up for it? PASTOR DAVE: I'm in! KITTY: Oh, Pastor Dave, tomorrow's Sunday — you have church on Sunday. PASTOR DAVE: Right, church. Church, right. RED: Well, just get someone to sub for you. Every Sunday I see six other guys up there in robes who only shake themselves awake when the wine comes out. Anyone of them could do your job. PASTOR DAVE: Well, if God didn't want me to go to basketball, he wouldn't have made foam fingers so much fun. Check it out: “The hand of God is pointing at you!” 11. Eliminated in Round 4 12. HYDE: Forman, what the hell are you doing, man? ERIC: Me? You spent all night making out with Little Miss Can't-Find-A-Bra. HYDE: Hey! ERIC: Come on. You made me the third wheel. HYDE: Who cares, man? Her parents are out of town, and they got a water bed! But you killed that dream. I'm out of here! ERIC: But … you don't get to storm out, okay? I storm out! 13. Eliminated in Round 13 14. Eliminated in Round 7 15. Eliminated in Round 14 16. PASTOR DAVE: And on a personal note, I have an announcement to make. I have always found happiness in serving the good people of Point Place. But after talking to a dear friend, I realized that church is just not where the party is, if you know what I mean. So I'm resigning as your pastor thanks to my friend Red Forman. Red, give the crowd a wave. KITTY [to Red]: Well, if you weren't going to hell before, you're going first class now. PASTOR DAVE: Go, Bucks! 17. Eliminated in Round 5 18. Eliminated in Round 8 19. Eliminated in Round 15 20. ERIC: So it's just supposed to be guys' night out, right? And in walks Hyde's skank of the week to wreck it all. Years of friendship trumped by one pair of lopsided boobs. Yeah, that's right. I noticed, but I didn't say anything because I'm nice. DONNA: I had to talk to my dad's new girlfriend about the sex they had last night. ERIC: Yeah, okay, you win. 21. Eliminated in Round 20 22. KITTY: Well, Mrs. Candiotti just told me to shove a very holy book in a very unholy place. Nice going, Red. The whole church hates us now. RED: Kitty, I had nothing to do with Dave leaving the church. You know, God works in mysterious ways. “Let he who is without…” KITTY: Oh, can it. 23. KITTY: Well, the torch-carrying mob will be here any minute. Better turn on the light. RED: They won't need a light. They've got torches. 24. Eliminated in Round 16 - TIE 25. Eliminated in Round 21 - TIE 26. Eliminated in Round 17 27. BOB: Donna, what do you want us to do? You want us to stop seeing each other? DONNA: No. No. It's just that … well, could you go back to lying to me? I mean, that seemed to work. BOB: I am always in favor of lying when it comes to children. 28. Eliminated in Round 18 29. Eliminated in Round 12 30. HYDE: [Jill] dumped me. ERIC: What? HYDE: Yeah. She said she didn't like you. I told her, “Too bad. We're friends.” And that was it. ERIC: Oh man, I feel terrible. Is there anything I can do? HYDE: I don't know, man. I kind of really liked her. ERIC: How does ten bucks sound? HYDE: Forman, ten lousy bucks can't replace Jill. ERIC: Yeah. How about twenty? HYDE: Jill who? 31. RED: Sit down, Dave. Let me tell you a little story about three bags of dog crap. One on my front porch, one in my mailbox, and one in the backseat of my car — all from people who are so upset about losing you that they are willing to find, handle, and bag dog crap. DAVE: Really? My congregation has turned to vandalism and petty harassment on account of me? I am truly blessed. RED: Then you're staying? DAVE: Yeah. RED: Good. Now, come on. Let's celebrate by returning those bags to their rightful owner. DAVE: Like it says in the Bible: “As you sow, so shall you reap.” Jesus was talking about love, but it works for doggy doo, I think. 32. Eliminated in Round 16 - TIE 33. Eliminated in Round 11 34. Eliminated in Round 3 35. Eliminated in Round 10 36. KELSO: Hey, guys, look: I got ten-pound balls. FEZ: Hey, guys, my balls are black and blue. ERIC: That's nice. KELSO: That's funny. HYDE: That was good. FEZ: My balls are finally funny. __________________
s h e feels like l i f e and she feels like h o m e Last edited by MistyMountainHop; 04-18-2020 at 07:13 AM |
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Fan Forum Hero
Joined: Feb 2010
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TFTNT, Lulu!
 #30 - 1 __________________
You Keep Using that Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means. |
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Master Fan
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#30 - 2
__________________
s h e feels like l i f e and she feels like h o m e |
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Master Fan
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22,706
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With one vote each, we must
to...HYDE: [Jill] dumped me. ERIC: What? HYDE: Yeah. She said she didn't like you. I told her, “Too bad. We're friends.” And that was it. ERIC: Oh man, I feel terrible. Is there anything I can do? HYDE: I don't know, man. I kind of really liked her. ERIC: How does ten bucks sound? HYDE: Forman, ten lousy bucks can't replace Jill. ERIC: Yeah. How about twenty? HYDE: Jill who? --- Vote for your least favorite! First quote with 3 votes or the most votes after 2 days is voted off --- That 70s Show Season 4 Quotation Survivor! “The Third Wheel” (4x11) 1. Eliminated in Round 2 2. Eliminated in Round 1 3. Eliminated in Round 6 4. Eliminated in Round 19 5. Eliminated in Round 9 6. KELSO [with two bowling balls in his hands]: Hey, guys, look: I got ten-pound balls. [Eric and Hyde laugh.] Man, that joke never gets old. FEZ [holding two bowling balls]: Hey, guys, my balls have holes in them. [No one laughs.] Now, why isn't that funny? 7. Eliminated in Round 21 - TIE 8. DONNA: I think it's nice that you have a friend. BOB: Really? DONNA: Yeah. I also think it's nice that you're bathing and shaving again. BOB: Yeah. That was a long eight weeks, wasn't it? DONNA: So long. 9. RED: Boy, Kitty, you missed a great game. The Bucks made a last-second shot and sent those Lakers home with their tails between their California fruitcake asses! PASTOR DAVE: Go home, fruitcakes! RED: I've never seen old Pastor Dave so excited. He swore at the referee. PASTOR DAVE: “Son of a stitch.” I said, “Son of a stitch.” KITTY: Oh, well, I'm sure that fooled God. 10. RED: Hey, Dave, the Celtics are in town tomorrow. You up for it? PASTOR DAVE: I'm in! KITTY: Oh, Pastor Dave, tomorrow's Sunday — you have church on Sunday. PASTOR DAVE: Right, church. Church, right. RED: Well, just get someone to sub for you. Every Sunday I see six other guys up there in robes who only shake themselves awake when the wine comes out. Anyone of them could do your job. PASTOR DAVE: Well, if God didn't want me to go to basketball, he wouldn't have made foam fingers so much fun. Check it out: “The hand of God is pointing at you!” 11. Eliminated in Round 4 12. HYDE: Forman, what the hell are you doing, man? ERIC: Me? You spent all night making out with Little Miss Can't-Find-A-Bra. HYDE: Hey! ERIC: Come on. You made me the third wheel. HYDE: Who cares, man? Her parents are out of town, and they got a water bed! But you killed that dream. I'm out of here! ERIC: But … you don't get to storm out, okay? I storm out! 13. Eliminated in Round 13 14. Eliminated in Round 7 15. Eliminated in Round 14 16. PASTOR DAVE: And on a personal note, I have an announcement to make. I have always found happiness in serving the good people of Point Place. But after talking to a dear friend, I realized that church is just not where the party is, if you know what I mean. So I'm resigning as your pastor thanks to my friend Red Forman. Red, give the crowd a wave. KITTY [to Red]: Well, if you weren't going to hell before, you're going first class now. PASTOR DAVE: Go, Bucks! 17. Eliminated in Round 5 18. Eliminated in Round 8 19. Eliminated in Round 15 20. ERIC: So it's just supposed to be guys' night out, right? And in walks Hyde's skank of the week to wreck it all. Years of friendship trumped by one pair of lopsided boobs. Yeah, that's right. I noticed, but I didn't say anything because I'm nice. DONNA: I had to talk to my dad's new girlfriend about the sex they had last night. ERIC: Yeah, okay, you win. 21. Eliminated in Round 20 22. KITTY: Well, Mrs. Candiotti just told me to shove a very holy book in a very unholy place. Nice going, Red. The whole church hates us now. RED: Kitty, I had nothing to do with Dave leaving the church. You know, God works in mysterious ways. “Let he who is without…” KITTY: Oh, can it. 23. KITTY: Well, the torch-carrying mob will be here any minute. Better turn on the light. RED: They won't need a light. They've got torches. 24. Eliminated in Round 16 - TIE 25. Eliminated in Round 21 - TIE 26. Eliminated in Round 17 27. BOB: Donna, what do you want us to do? You want us to stop seeing each other? DONNA: No. No. It's just that … well, could you go back to lying to me? I mean, that seemed to work. BOB: I am always in favor of lying when it comes to children. 28. Eliminated in Round 18 29. Eliminated in Round 12 30. Eliminated in Round 22 31. RED: Sit down, Dave. Let me tell you a little story about three bags of dog crap. One on my front porch, one in my mailbox, and one in the backseat of my car — all from people who are so upset about losing you that they are willing to find, handle, and bag dog crap. DAVE: Really? My congregation has turned to vandalism and petty harassment on account of me? I am truly blessed. RED: Then you're staying? DAVE: Yeah. RED: Good. Now, come on. Let's celebrate by returning those bags to their rightful owner. DAVE: Like it says in the Bible: “As you sow, so shall you reap.” Jesus was talking about love, but it works for doggy doo, I think. 32. Eliminated in Round 16 - TIE 33. Eliminated in Round 11 34. Eliminated in Round 3 35. Eliminated in Round 10 36. KELSO: Hey, guys, look: I got ten-pound balls. FEZ: Hey, guys, my balls are black and blue. ERIC: That's nice. KELSO: That's funny. HYDE: That was good. FEZ: My balls are finally funny. __________________
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Fan Forum Hero
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 58,246
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#6 - 1
__________________
You Keep Using that Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means. |
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Master Fan
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22,706
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#6 - 2
__________________
s h e feels like l i f e and she feels like h o m e |
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Master Fan
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 20,338
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Master Fan
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22,706
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With three votes, we must
to...KELSO [with two bowling balls in his hands]: Hey, guys, look: I got ten-pound balls. [Eric and Hyde laugh.] Man, that joke never gets old. FEZ [holding two bowling balls]: Hey, guys, my balls have holes in them. [No one laughs.] Now, why isn't that funny? --- Vote for your least favorite! First quote with 3 votes or the most votes after 2 days is voted off --- That 70s Show Season 4 Quotation Survivor! “The Third Wheel” (4x11) 1. Eliminated in Round 2 2. Eliminated in Round 1 3. Eliminated in Round 6 4. Eliminated in Round 19 5. Eliminated in Round 9 6. Eliminated in Round 23 7. Eliminated in Round 21 - TIE 8. DONNA: I think it's nice that you have a friend. BOB: Really? DONNA: Yeah. I also think it's nice that you're bathing and shaving again. BOB: Yeah. That was a long eight weeks, wasn't it? DONNA: So long. 9. RED: Boy, Kitty, you missed a great game. The Bucks made a last-second shot and sent those Lakers home with their tails between their California fruitcake asses! PASTOR DAVE: Go home, fruitcakes! RED: I've never seen old Pastor Dave so excited. He swore at the referee. PASTOR DAVE: “Son of a stitch.” I said, “Son of a stitch.” KITTY: Oh, well, I'm sure that fooled God. 10. RED: Hey, Dave, the Celtics are in town tomorrow. You up for it? PASTOR DAVE: I'm in! KITTY: Oh, Pastor Dave, tomorrow's Sunday — you have church on Sunday. PASTOR DAVE: Right, church. Church, right. RED: Well, just get someone to sub for you. Every Sunday I see six other guys up there in robes who only shake themselves awake when the wine comes out. Anyone of them could do your job. PASTOR DAVE: Well, if God didn't want me to go to basketball, he wouldn't have made foam fingers so much fun. Check it out: “The hand of God is pointing at you!” 11. Eliminated in Round 4 12. HYDE: Forman, what the hell are you doing, man? ERIC: Me? You spent all night making out with Little Miss Can't-Find-A-Bra. HYDE: Hey! ERIC: Come on. You made me the third wheel. HYDE: Who cares, man? Her parents are out of town, and they got a water bed! But you killed that dream. I'm out of here! ERIC: But … you don't get to storm out, okay? I storm out! 13. Eliminated in Round 13 14. Eliminated in Round 7 15. Eliminated in Round 14 16. PASTOR DAVE: And on a personal note, I have an announcement to make. I have always found happiness in serving the good people of Point Place. But after talking to a dear friend, I realized that church is just not where the party is, if you know what I mean. So I'm resigning as your pastor thanks to my friend Red Forman. Red, give the crowd a wave. KITTY [to Red]: Well, if you weren't going to hell before, you're going first class now. PASTOR DAVE: Go, Bucks! 17. Eliminated in Round 5 18. Eliminated in Round 8 19. Eliminated in Round 15 20. ERIC: So it's just supposed to be guys' night out, right? And in walks Hyde's skank of the week to wreck it all. Years of friendship trumped by one pair of lopsided boobs. Yeah, that's right. I noticed, but I didn't say anything because I'm nice. DONNA: I had to talk to my dad's new girlfriend about the sex they had last night. ERIC: Yeah, okay, you win. 21. Eliminated in Round 20 22. KITTY: Well, Mrs. Candiotti just told me to shove a very holy book in a very unholy place. Nice going, Red. The whole church hates us now. RED: Kitty, I had nothing to do with Dave leaving the church. You know, God works in mysterious ways. “Let he who is without…” KITTY: Oh, can it. 23. KITTY: Well, the torch-carrying mob will be here any minute. Better turn on the light. RED: They won't need a light. They've got torches. 24. Eliminated in Round 16 - TIE 25. Eliminated in Round 21 - TIE 26. Eliminated in Round 17 27. BOB: Donna, what do you want us to do? You want us to stop seeing each other? DONNA: No. No. It's just that … well, could you go back to lying to me? I mean, that seemed to work. BOB: I am always in favor of lying when it comes to children. 28. Eliminated in Round 18 29. Eliminated in Round 12 30. Eliminated in Round 22 31. RED: Sit down, Dave. Let me tell you a little story about three bags of dog crap. One on my front porch, one in my mailbox, and one in the backseat of my car — all from people who are so upset about losing you that they are willing to find, handle, and bag dog crap. DAVE: Really? My congregation has turned to vandalism and petty harassment on account of me? I am truly blessed. RED: Then you're staying? DAVE: Yeah. RED: Good. Now, come on. Let's celebrate by returning those bags to their rightful owner. DAVE: Like it says in the Bible: “As you sow, so shall you reap.” Jesus was talking about love, but it works for doggy doo, I think. 32. Eliminated in Round 16 - TIE 33. Eliminated in Round 11 34. Eliminated in Round 3 35. Eliminated in Round 10 36. KELSO: Hey, guys, look: I got ten-pound balls. FEZ: Hey, guys, my balls are black and blue. ERIC: That's nice. KELSO: That's funny. HYDE: That was good. FEZ: My balls are finally funny. __________________
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Fan Forum Hero
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 58,246
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#12 - 1
__________________
You Keep Using that Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means. |
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Master Fan
Joined: Feb 2009
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#12 - 1
#36 - 1 __________________
s h e feels like l i f e and she feels like h o m e |
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Fan Forum Star
 
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#12
__________________
“I am the one thing in life I can control
(Wait for it, wait for it, wait for it, wait for it) I am inimitable I am an original” |
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Master Fan
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22,706
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With two votes, we must
to...HYDE: Forman, what the hell are you doing, man? ERIC: Me? You spent all night making out with Little Miss Can't-Find-A-Bra. HYDE: Hey! ERIC: Come on. You made me the third wheel. HYDE: Who cares, man? Her parents are out of town, and they got a water bed! But you killed that dream. I'm out of here! ERIC: But … you don't get to storm out, okay? I storm out! --- Vote for your least favorite! First quote with 3 votes or the most votes after 2 days is voted off --- That 70s Show Season 4 Quotation Survivor! “The Third Wheel” (4x11) 1. Eliminated in Round 2 2. Eliminated in Round 1 3. Eliminated in Round 6 4. Eliminated in Round 19 5. Eliminated in Round 9 6. Eliminated in Round 23 7. Eliminated in Round 21 - TIE 8. DONNA: I think it's nice that you have a friend. BOB: Really? DONNA: Yeah. I also think it's nice that you're bathing and shaving again. BOB: Yeah. That was a long eight weeks, wasn't it? DONNA: So long. 9. RED: Boy, Kitty, you missed a great game. The Bucks made a last-second shot and sent those Lakers home with their tails between their California fruitcake asses! PASTOR DAVE: Go home, fruitcakes! RED: I've never seen old Pastor Dave so excited. He swore at the referee. PASTOR DAVE: “Son of a stitch.” I said, “Son of a stitch.” KITTY: Oh, well, I'm sure that fooled God. 10. RED: Hey, Dave, the Celtics are in town tomorrow. You up for it? PASTOR DAVE: I'm in! KITTY: Oh, Pastor Dave, tomorrow's Sunday — you have church on Sunday. PASTOR DAVE: Right, church. Church, right. RED: Well, just get someone to sub for you. Every Sunday I see six other guys up there in robes who only shake themselves awake when the wine comes out. Anyone of them could do your job. PASTOR DAVE: Well, if God didn't want me to go to basketball, he wouldn't have made foam fingers so much fun. Check it out: “The hand of God is pointing at you!” 11. Eliminated in Round 4 12. Eliminated in Round 24 13. Eliminated in Round 13 14. Eliminated in Round 7 15. Eliminated in Round 14 16. PASTOR DAVE: And on a personal note, I have an announcement to make. I have always found happiness in serving the good people of Point Place. But after talking to a dear friend, I realized that church is just not where the party is, if you know what I mean. So I'm resigning as your pastor thanks to my friend Red Forman. Red, give the crowd a wave. KITTY [to Red]: Well, if you weren't going to hell before, you're going first class now. PASTOR DAVE: Go, Bucks! 17. Eliminated in Round 5 18. Eliminated in Round 8 19. Eliminated in Round 15 20. ERIC: So it's just supposed to be guys' night out, right? And in walks Hyde's skank of the week to wreck it all. Years of friendship trumped by one pair of lopsided boobs. Yeah, that's right. I noticed, but I didn't say anything because I'm nice. DONNA: I had to talk to my dad's new girlfriend about the sex they had last night. ERIC: Yeah, okay, you win. 21. Eliminated in Round 20 22. KITTY: Well, Mrs. Candiotti just told me to shove a very holy book in a very unholy place. Nice going, Red. The whole church hates us now. RED: Kitty, I had nothing to do with Dave leaving the church. You know, God works in mysterious ways. “Let he who is without…” KITTY: Oh, can it. 23. KITTY: Well, the torch-carrying mob will be here any minute. Better turn on the light. RED: They won't need a light. They've got torches. 24. Eliminated in Round 16 - TIE 25. Eliminated in Round 21 - TIE 26. Eliminated in Round 17 27. BOB: Donna, what do you want us to do? You want us to stop seeing each other? DONNA: No. No. It's just that … well, could you go back to lying to me? I mean, that seemed to work. BOB: I am always in favor of lying when it comes to children. 28. Eliminated in Round 18 29. Eliminated in Round 12 30. Eliminated in Round 22 31. RED: Sit down, Dave. Let me tell you a little story about three bags of dog crap. One on my front porch, one in my mailbox, and one in the backseat of my car — all from people who are so upset about losing you that they are willing to find, handle, and bag dog crap. DAVE: Really? My congregation has turned to vandalism and petty harassment on account of me? I am truly blessed. RED: Then you're staying? DAVE: Yeah. RED: Good. Now, come on. Let's celebrate by returning those bags to their rightful owner. DAVE: Like it says in the Bible: “As you sow, so shall you reap.” Jesus was talking about love, but it works for doggy doo, I think. 32. Eliminated in Round 16 - TIE 33. Eliminated in Round 11 34. Eliminated in Round 3 35. Eliminated in Round 10 36. KELSO: Hey, guys, look: I got ten-pound balls. FEZ: Hey, guys, my balls are black and blue. ERIC: That's nice. KELSO: That's funny. HYDE: That was good. FEZ: My balls are finally funny. __________________
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Fan Forum Hero
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Posts: 58,246
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#27 - 1
__________________
You Keep Using that Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means. |
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Master Fan
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22,706
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#27 - 1
#36 - 1 __________________
s h e feels like l i f e and she feels like h o m e |
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Master Fan
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 22,706
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With one vote each, we must
to...BOB: Donna, what do you want us to do? You want us to stop seeing each other? DONNA: No. No. It's just that … well, could you go back to lying to me? I mean, that seemed to work. BOB: I am always in favor of lying when it comes to children. AND KELSO: Hey, guys, look: I got ten-pound balls. FEZ: Hey, guys, my balls are black and blue. ERIC: That's nice. KELSO: That's funny. HYDE: That was good. FEZ: My balls are finally funny. --- Vote for your least favorite! First quote with 3 votes or the most votes after 2 days is voted off --- That 70s Show Season 4 Quotation Survivor! “The Third Wheel” (4x11) 1. Eliminated in Round 2 2. Eliminated in Round 1 3. Eliminated in Round 6 4. Eliminated in Round 19 5. Eliminated in Round 9 6. Eliminated in Round 23 7. Eliminated in Round 21 - TIE 8. DONNA: I think it's nice that you have a friend. BOB: Really? DONNA: Yeah. I also think it's nice that you're bathing and shaving again. BOB: Yeah. That was a long eight weeks, wasn't it? DONNA: So long. 9. RED: Boy, Kitty, you missed a great game. The Bucks made a last-second shot and sent those Lakers home with their tails between their California fruitcake asses! PASTOR DAVE: Go home, fruitcakes! RED: I've never seen old Pastor Dave so excited. He swore at the referee. PASTOR DAVE: “Son of a stitch.” I said, “Son of a stitch.” KITTY: Oh, well, I'm sure that fooled God. 10. RED: Hey, Dave, the Celtics are in town tomorrow. You up for it? PASTOR DAVE: I'm in! KITTY: Oh, Pastor Dave, tomorrow's Sunday — you have church on Sunday. PASTOR DAVE: Right, church. Church, right. RED: Well, just get someone to sub for you. Every Sunday I see six other guys up there in robes who only shake themselves awake when the wine comes out. Anyone of them could do your job. PASTOR DAVE: Well, if God didn't want me to go to basketball, he wouldn't have made foam fingers so much fun. Check it out: “The hand of God is pointing at you!” 11. Eliminated in Round 4 12. Eliminated in Round 24 13. Eliminated in Round 13 14. Eliminated in Round 7 15. Eliminated in Round 14 16. PASTOR DAVE: And on a personal note, I have an announcement to make. I have always found happiness in serving the good people of Point Place. But after talking to a dear friend, I realized that church is just not where the party is, if you know what I mean. So I'm resigning as your pastor thanks to my friend Red Forman. Red, give the crowd a wave. KITTY [to Red]: Well, if you weren't going to hell before, you're going first class now. PASTOR DAVE: Go, Bucks! 17. Eliminated in Round 5 18. Eliminated in Round 8 19. Eliminated in Round 15 20. ERIC: So it's just supposed to be guys' night out, right? And in walks Hyde's skank of the week to wreck it all. Years of friendship trumped by one pair of lopsided boobs. Yeah, that's right. I noticed, but I didn't say anything because I'm nice. DONNA: I had to talk to my dad's new girlfriend about the sex they had last night. ERIC: Yeah, okay, you win. 21. Eliminated in Round 20 22. KITTY: Well, Mrs. Candiotti just told me to shove a very holy book in a very unholy place. Nice going, Red. The whole church hates us now. RED: Kitty, I had nothing to do with Dave leaving the church. You know, God works in mysterious ways. “Let he who is without…” KITTY: Oh, can it. 23. KITTY: Well, the torch-carrying mob will be here any minute. Better turn on the light. RED: They won't need a light. They've got torches. 24. Eliminated in Round 16 - TIE 25. Eliminated in Round 21 - TIE 26. Eliminated in Round 17 27. Eliminated in Round 25 - TIE 28. Eliminated in Round 18 29. Eliminated in Round 12 30. Eliminated in Round 22 31. RED: Sit down, Dave. Let me tell you a little story about three bags of dog crap. One on my front porch, one in my mailbox, and one in the backseat of my car — all from people who are so upset about losing you that they are willing to find, handle, and bag dog crap. DAVE: Really? My congregation has turned to vandalism and petty harassment on account of me? I am truly blessed. RED: Then you're staying? DAVE: Yeah. RED: Good. Now, come on. Let's celebrate by returning those bags to their rightful owner. DAVE: Like it says in the Bible: “As you sow, so shall you reap.” Jesus was talking about love, but it works for doggy doo, I think. 32. Eliminated in Round 16 - TIE 33. Eliminated in Round 11 34. Eliminated in Round 3 35. Eliminated in Round 10 36. Eliminated in Round 25 - TIE __________________
s h e feels like l i f e and she feels like h o m e |
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