[sunnykerr]

I get very cranky as well.

I'm trying to find ways to meet halfway.

I'm trying to be able to express myself to her without her falling apart with guilt or whatever.

So, yeah, I think I wish us all compromises this year.

The thing, of course, is that I couldn't be happy if I was going to cause pain to my mother.

So, yeah, compromise seems the only way out.

[There You'll Be]

Yes, there must be a way to compromise.

It's really no fun to both lose, or to have one person have it totally their way.

Guilt is a powerful Mom tool. And they use it well.

Even when they don't the guilt comes naturally for me.

[sunnykerr]

This is the part where I'm reminded that distance is a good thing for my relationship with my mother...

Just before I remember that I'm seeing her again in two weeks.

She's very stubborn, which is not something that should bug me.

I mean, I'd rather have a mother who's not gonna roll over just because someone says so.

I just wish she wasn't so stubborn where I'm concerned.

Because it gets to be controlling.

[There You'll Be]

Yeah, I'm just realizing the same exact thing.

So much so that tomorrow I'm going to start checking into disability housing and transportation.

I have always envied you taking care of yourself, and making things work, even when they get difficult.

Your mom probably doesn't even realize she does it, so she thinks, even if you talk to her about it, that you're imagining it.

That is just one thing that popped into my head-and I'm pretty sure you mentioned it.

It's a good thing she doesn't roll over for people. I envy that.

Again we come back to needing a give and take compromise.

[sunnykerr]

Do you mean you intend to move out or would you rather adapt your house to your needs?

I would imagine there is a way to do both, depending on what's available where you are.

Anyway, anything that gives you more freedom of movement is obviously a great thing.

So kudos for doing that.

My mother totally isn't aware that she's doing it when she's doing it, but she's also slow to understand when we're telling her that she's doing it.

And, usually, when she realizes she's doing it, her first response is to provide excuses.

And I really hate seeing her do that, because it makes me feel like crap for making her feel like she needs to give me excuses for anything at all ever, you know?

[There You'll Be]

I mean I'm checking into moving into housing provided less expensively for Disabled people.

With my back Medicaid will help me with a vehicle, and with finding cheaper housing in the area.

I'm meeting with Ali on the 14th to see where to look, and what to do. Well, that's what our session will be about.

At least sticking a toe in the water.

Thank you. You are the only person who has given me any support on this.

My mom will argue the point when we're talking to her about things. She says "Well, no but...."

Our moms are very much alike in this area.

Yeah, I do know. It's funny how they can make us feel bad in 2 ways.

First by doing it their way and expecting everyone else to, and then with the excuses, and the guilt that comes with it.

Does it make you angry? It does me.

Which makes me feel worse.

[sunnykerr]

Well, I can't imagine it's easy for your mother and brother to think of "losing" you that way, right?

It's none of my business, of course.

I just mean that people get into the habit of having people there and contributing their part.

So it has to be hard for them.

Even if they must also realize that it's normal for you to want to have your independence and do things on your own.

I know my mother makes me terribly angry when she's just deaf to what the people around her have to say.

It's never malicious on her part, of course.

She's just set in her ways, I suppose.

The good thing is that it never lasts, feeling angry.

That would be terrible, wouldn't it? Staying angry at my mother over something she can't really help about herself would be just awful.

[There You'll Be]

You're definitely right.

April's my best friend in the house at the moment.

Yeah, I agree-they're not being malicious, they're just set in their ways. Moms that is.

I think it's okay to get angry with our moms.

It never feels great, but it is natural.

Oh yeah-it would be hard to do that-stay angry, when it's something about her.

Especially when it's not intentional on her part.

[sunnykerr]

I don't think it's bad to get angry at our moms.

You're right, it's completely natural.

But, since it never goes anywhere, I do wish it didn't happen as much.

That's all.

Your mother and brother will get used to not having you around.

It's probably just the shock that's a problem for them right now.

You didn't always live all together like that. (Right?)

So it will be alright as soon as they get used to the idea.

[There You'll Be]

I understand what you mean, and I have to agree.

It doesn't change things, so it would be better if it didn't happen as often.

No, I lived elsewhere in Va. Beach. Kev did for a little while.

[sunnykerr]

Besides, it's not like you're moving across the country.

You'll all still be in each other's lives.

[There You'll Be]

True.

Though if it wouldn't be so much paperwork, I'd move further away.

Watching Backdraft here.

What are you up to today?

[sunnykerr]

Today, we had our annual family "New Years" get-together at a hotel.

I just got back and I left right after I got up, so that was literally my whole day so far.

How was Backdraft?

It's one of those movies I don't think I'm ever going to watch, so feel free to say anything you want about it.

[There You'll Be]

At a hotel?

I, for some reason, thought it would be at your mom's house.

How was it? And wow that's a long day. :faint:

I would have a hard time being around anyone for that long.

Backdraft was as devastating as they get.

I totally forgot how hard it was for me to watch.

Though I have to say, I enjoyed the movie. Does that make sense?

It was done well.

[sunnykerr]

Well, it was a large restaurant and we had a separate corner to ourselves.

Basically, it was a buffet, but like the buffet to end all buffets.

It had a breakfast section, with eggs, waffles, cereal, breakfast meats and fruits.

It had a pasta section with different kinds of pasta dishes and different kinds of pasta and sauces.

It had a cold cuts section with literally every cold cut you can think of and cheeses and pates and bread.

It had a large salad bar with nine different kinds of dressings.

There was roast beast of some sort to be carved on demand.

I had pasta, vegetables, breakfast potatoes and cold shrimp.

Oh, and there was a desert buffet as well.

Enjoying a movie that makes you cry makes a lot of sense.

It was probably cathartic in some way.

It's one of the reasons I love Field of Dreams.